tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7931480272820864022024-03-05T05:23:48.084-05:00Carpe K-9On dogs, training, trees, nature, the art of the everyday, death, literature, reveling in the absurd, and seizing the day, the night (including twilight and dusk, respectively), and the moments of which they are made.
Mailey E. McLaughlin, M.Ed.http://www.blogger.com/profile/06433597895952071846noreply@blogger.comBlogger56125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-793148027282086402.post-53636408041600593452023-12-25T21:06:00.000-05:002023-12-25T21:06:33.170-05:00The Power of Deferred Resolution<p></p><p class="MsoNormal"><a name="_Hlk517113117"><span face=""Verdana",sans-serif" style="font-size: medium; line-height: 107%;"><i>How do you sit with uncertainty?<br /><br /></i></span></a></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span face=""Verdana",sans-serif" style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;"></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span face=""Verdana",sans-serif" style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhiXn4xYBluwrLeUJD3RRwgowe4oQ1CNT1ACqz8g_suSkPAiZiVkV3fQYC-GUcV9oAg5qsLWRtX7uKn4jGWlUf1VQqYCCp61uUB3wSYhpxOIWsClLS6sl5jl8Fp2Xpl3DYX4HbVpaSAAneyWgaAeHclhpjlQ3_w6_QF97T6ce_f5EHEhEFsDcimYfb_HRbk/s357/Monosnap%20meme%20not%20knowing%20-%20Google%20Search%20-%20Google.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="347" data-original-width="357" height="194" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhiXn4xYBluwrLeUJD3RRwgowe4oQ1CNT1ACqz8g_suSkPAiZiVkV3fQYC-GUcV9oAg5qsLWRtX7uKn4jGWlUf1VQqYCCp61uUB3wSYhpxOIWsClLS6sl5jl8Fp2Xpl3DYX4HbVpaSAAneyWgaAeHclhpjlQ3_w6_QF97T6ce_f5EHEhEFsDcimYfb_HRbk/w200-h194/Monosnap%20meme%20not%20knowing%20-%20Google%20Search%20-%20Google.png" width="200" /></a></span></div><span face=""Verdana",sans-serif" style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;">Most people do not do it well. Our
brains are wired to search for solutions to problems, and we really, really
like knowing the answers. </span><span face="Verdana, sans-serif" style="background: white; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;">Lots of people have negative memories of school
because not knowing the answers—especially in front of our classmates—resulted
in failing and embarrassment.</span> <span face=""Verdana",sans-serif" style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;">Who
doesn’t have memories of an English teacher scolding us for not knowing exactly
what a novelist, poet, or playwright meant in his or her work?</span><p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk517113117;"><span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk517116679;"><span face=""Verdana",sans-serif" style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;">We seek a diagnosis when we go to the
doctor. It feels shocking when the doctor confides that he or she doesn’t know
what’s wrong with us, even after multiple tests. A cloud of confusion settles
into our very cracks, and we, typically, assume the worst<sup>1</sup>. If this
person who has studied extensively about the very sort of thing I am presenting
doesn’t know what it is, what hope do I have of getting the correct treatment?<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk517113117;"><span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk517116679;"><span face=""Verdana",sans-serif" style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;">Medicine’s default state is uncertainty,
but the culture of medicine has little tolerance for ambiguity. This means that
doctors will conduct test after test and prescribe all sorts of treatments in
an attempt to understand what malady we actually have—and they still get it
wrong too often. Misdiagnoses in medicine are dismayingly common.</span></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk517113117;"><span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk517116679;"><span face=""Verdana",sans-serif" style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;"></span></span></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk517113117;"><span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk517116679;"><span face=""Verdana",sans-serif" style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEia-pim6WHNgJc7_i_4U9crbsZoisDNEBBGzkTb-D2nN44uVVOUrlSjGHv4-n7970BzFD0A1VzxQ7-NYD4itV7FEX9kbZ1-XnFVVnISZ2FtYymDkzegyvwIGIzmrMQtp9rH3QhnOTysLb2vBzjBqqd4Vfjh021Ws8jfV_xJdfIEOD8yDb4U3e-cYb4xAlSl/s350/Monosnap%20meme%20i%20dont%20have%20all%20day%20-%20Google%20Search%20.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="293" data-original-width="350" height="268" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEia-pim6WHNgJc7_i_4U9crbsZoisDNEBBGzkTb-D2nN44uVVOUrlSjGHv4-n7970BzFD0A1VzxQ7-NYD4itV7FEX9kbZ1-XnFVVnISZ2FtYymDkzegyvwIGIzmrMQtp9rH3QhnOTysLb2vBzjBqqd4Vfjh021Ws8jfV_xJdfIEOD8yDb4U3e-cYb4xAlSl/s320/Monosnap%20meme%20i%20dont%20have%20all%20day%20-%20Google%20Search%20.png" width="320" /></a></span></span></span></div><span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk517113117;"><span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk517116679;"><span face=""Verdana",sans-serif" style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;">In part, this is because there isn’t
time to languish amongst uncertainty in the medical field—lives are at stake. A
few days could mean the difference between life or death in some cases. The
doctors rush to find answers, and in that rush they sometimes make mistakes
because they aren’t looking in the right place. (If you were a fan of the TV
show “House” from a few years ago, you know what I mean. A grumpy misanthropic
doctor can always figure out the weird diagnosis in time after he and his staff
struggle with it for the majority of the show.</span></span></span><span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk517113117;"><span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk517116679;"><span face=""Verdana",sans-serif" style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">)</span></span></span><p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk517113117;"><span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk517116679;"><span face=""Verdana",sans-serif" style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;">When we are faced with uncertainty, we
want answers and we want them sooner rather than later. But this can be a
problem, and there may be a better way.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk517113117;"><span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk517116679;"><span face=""Verdana",sans-serif" style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;">In his book <u>Nonsense: The Power of
Not Knowing</u>, Jamie Holmes writes, <o:p></o:p></span></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk517113117;"><span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk517116679;"><span face=""Verdana",sans-serif" style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;"></span></span></span></p><blockquote>“Dwelling calmly among feelings of
uncertainty will make you more likely to make a rational decision. The longer
you sit with the not knowing, the more your odds of making a rational decision
increase.”</blockquote><o:p></o:p><p></p>
<span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk517113117;"></span>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk517116679;"><span face=""Verdana",sans-serif" style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;">Think
about how you feel when presented with problems, in your work or your life,
that don’t match up to what you expect or know. How much information do you seek,
especially if you feel pushed for time? Do you stop asking questions when you
have heard enough to make a “diagnosis”? Why? <o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk517116679;"><span face=""Verdana",sans-serif" style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;">According
to Holmes, “people under time pressure seize on earlier information and ignore
later cues.” This means that we could ostensibly miss the correct solution, because
we are blocking out later information.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk517116679;"><span face=""Verdana",sans-serif" style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;">This
uncertainty can be daunting, but you shouldn’t fear it. Rushing to find the
“right” answer can cause more problems than it solves. Humans have a tendency
towards closure, so when we are faced with a conundrum, we try to make sense of
it. Holmes explains, <o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk517116679;"><span face=""Verdana",sans-serif" style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;"></span></span></p><blockquote>“This
tendency {towards closure} has vast repercussions…it changes the way we
evaluate an idea or consider an explanation, and it makes us less creative and
more confident about a course of action even when we are wrong. Cognitive
closure is a bit like shutting the windows of our open minds. When various
pressures pile up, these windows don’t merely close…they slam shut, and they
lock.” </blockquote><o:p></o:p><p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk517116679;"><span face=""Verdana",sans-serif" style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;"></span></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk517116679;"><span face=""Verdana",sans-serif" style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiDEo-JtKrkl_ShTDE1VYPg6jHi-Kb2UzKkDRavue3ttSbfMeh_2zNEYKqJP72Zd686YkVjpDuBasfwpg3aGJ7tA8Vwoy5llH8gGXe8SFkP7764M-ZsAe22wFl3qVlOuO_b6fkH0cMMJyk4FjZBu2ZwgYZBdzCGNrIAPr5-93PdpbaabgIF_SOE4JgNXYyr/s4032/20231112_112833.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1816" data-original-width="4032" height="144" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiDEo-JtKrkl_ShTDE1VYPg6jHi-Kb2UzKkDRavue3ttSbfMeh_2zNEYKqJP72Zd686YkVjpDuBasfwpg3aGJ7tA8Vwoy5llH8gGXe8SFkP7764M-ZsAe22wFl3qVlOuO_b6fkH0cMMJyk4FjZBu2ZwgYZBdzCGNrIAPr5-93PdpbaabgIF_SOE4JgNXYyr/s320/20231112_112833.jpg" width="320" /></a></span></span></div><span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk517116679;"><span face=""Verdana",sans-serif" style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;">In
my dog training practice, I sometimes find myself puzzled by a dog’s behavior
and I am unable to come up with a quick answer. </span></span><span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk517116679;"><span face="Verdana, sans-serif" style="background: white; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;">When I get stuck, I know I need three things:
time away from the work, a way to clear my mind from the work for a few hours,
and a different puzzle that is not too difficult<sup>2</sup> to solve. I need
some time to gestate, to think about something unrelated. If I don’t have
enough time to engage in an unrelated-to-dogs hobby (such as a walk in the
woods alone) before I need the answer, I will seek out a crossword puzzle, a
jigsaw puzzle, or even Sudoku (which I rarely play for fun) to help me try to
order the world a bit differently. </span><b><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; orphans: 2; text-align: start; text-decoration-color: initial; text-decoration-style: initial; text-decoration-thickness: initial; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;">Studies show that when humans are faced with uncertainty, we
seek closure anywhere we can find it-—and this can help us have breakthrough
insights in regards to unrelated problems.<sup>3</sup></span></b></span><span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk517116679;"><span face=""Verdana",sans-serif" style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;"><o:p></o:p></span></span><p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span face="Verdana, sans-serif" style="font-size: 12pt;"></span></p><blockquote><p class="MsoNormal"><span face="Verdana, sans-serif" style="font-size: 12pt;">Norman
begins to hyperventilate when he sees the doctor. “Doc, I’m sure I’ve got liver
disease.”</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk517116679;"><span face=""Verdana",sans-serif" style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;">
“Nonsense!” says the doctor. “You’d never know if you had liver disease.
There’s no discomfort of any kind.”</span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk517116679;"><span face=""Verdana",sans-serif" style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;">
“Exactly!” Says Norman. “Those are my precise symptoms!”</span></span></p></blockquote><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk517116679;"><span face=""Verdana",sans-serif" style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk517116679;"><span face=""Verdana",sans-serif" style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;"><br />
Training yourself to embrace uncertainty isn’t easy, but it’s a valuable skill,
because we all understand that life contains a multitude of problems to solve.
Rushing for closure is rarely the best way to get ourselves unstuck. <o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk517116679;"><span face=""Verdana",sans-serif" style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;">Dwell
for a bit in the not knowing, and see if an answer doesn’t come.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span face="Verdana, sans-serif" style="font-size: 12pt;"> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</span></p>
<span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk517116679;"></span>
<p class="MsoListParagraph" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span face="Verdana, sans-serif" style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">1.<span style="font: 7pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span face="Verdana, sans-serif" style="font-size: 12pt;">1. </span><span face="Verdana, sans-serif" style="font-size: 12pt;">Our brains
are hard-wired towards negativity; this is called the “negativity bias.”</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span face=""Verdana",sans-serif" style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;">2. If the puzzle
or problem you choose is too difficult to solve, it will just frustrate you
further, instead of giving you a "win." Conversely, it shouldn't be
so easy that you can solve it in a minute or less. Go for medium difficulty,
where your brain is engaged for a while, and you will stick with it until you
solve it.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span face=""Verdana",sans-serif" style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;">3. You might be
surprised to learn that everything is related, really.<o:p></o:p></span></p><br /><p></p>Mailey E. McLaughlin, M.Ed.http://www.blogger.com/profile/06433597895952071846noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-793148027282086402.post-15787142421466383162023-07-30T16:42:00.001-04:002023-07-30T16:44:35.449-04:00The Persistence Payout<p> </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgMB5ZAXkaz_ZxuLZGVhsMBiHvjJW9YdaYB1bIkKl6ZGa12shVjbqo76Mb_VJ00PXesKEPMBKxA1Sg4oVmDu3DdnuxSixaIyrTgie3MgOiLBtIROF8-jVZ9d_g3ig4LugAmtq3twgHkaUCwSO-QLoubCtzVDBdm67eguBp7gAQYwSl62WnwsxZi4nGR-WBH/s722/FB_IMG_1690666636523.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="722" data-original-width="600" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgMB5ZAXkaz_ZxuLZGVhsMBiHvjJW9YdaYB1bIkKl6ZGa12shVjbqo76Mb_VJ00PXesKEPMBKxA1Sg4oVmDu3DdnuxSixaIyrTgie3MgOiLBtIROF8-jVZ9d_g3ig4LugAmtq3twgHkaUCwSO-QLoubCtzVDBdm67eguBp7gAQYwSl62WnwsxZi4nGR-WBH/s320/FB_IMG_1690666636523.jpg" width="266" /></a></div><p class="MsoNormal">Anyone who owns a dog is familiar with “the stare.” And as
an evolutionary technique, it’s a damn efficient one—most people give in to it,
many without even thinking. The moment your dog comes to live with you, he
starts learning about you. He’s a veritable researcher, taking note of your
body language, your tone of voice, your tics and fidgets. He can’t understand
the vast majority of the things you say, but he learns pretty quickly that some
behaviors he exhibits <b>Always Work, some Never Work, </b>and a few<b> Sometimes Work
</b>in order for him to gain the resources he desires.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Some of the behaviors he learns to employ to get a resource
are quite adorable, and they play into our connection and love for the dog,
meeting many of our needs. These are the behaviors that Always Work in terms of
the dog getting resources we dole out (food, treats, petting, playtime, access).
For instance, the outdoor-focused dog who stands by the door and when you look
over at him, he does this cute spin-around-and-bark-twice-thing that always
makes you laugh, or at least smile, and usually talk to him in a happy voice as
you run open the door to let him out.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">That spin-bark is a learned behavior, consistently
reinforced with rewards. It’s like a soda machine, because it always pays out.
And while the barks may be slightly annoying at times, the cuteness factor of
the perfectly-executed spin usually overrides any annoyance you might have with
the trick.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">The dog has learned that he can make you do something he
likes by performing this series of behaviors in this specific context. And let
me be clear: this is not necessarily a bad thing; letting the dog out has
advantages, of course, and the dog who lets you know that he needs to go out to
do his business is more helpful than the dog who just pees in front of the door
if you haven’t noticed him standing there.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">So, both human and dog benefit from this purposeful
manipulation.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Of course, there are some ways in which the dog uses behaviors
to manipulate his humans that are not beneficial to the humans, like barking at
people to demand that they pet him, shoving gross, dirty toys or balls onto them
to force a game, barking and jumping on his humans to demand food or treats.
These demands are generally ones people find unpleasant (and they call us to
fix). Some annoying behaviors are just annoying (barking/whining), and some can
be downright dangerous (e.g. sliding between our legs as we are walking, or
jumping up/putting teeth on people).<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Fixing these behaviors begins with the owner agreeing to
stop rewarding them: with attention, petting, food, or a door opening to the
outside (many people don’t even realize that they have been inadvertently teaching
the dog to <i>continue</i> these unruly shenanigans by responding to them).
When these behaviors are rewarded, the dog learns that they either <b>Always
Work</b>, or <b>Sometimes Work</b>. If we want them to stop, we have to make
sure they <b>Never Work</b> from here on out.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">(As you probably know, while this advice is 100% true, it’s
not always easy for mortals to follow—because, well, people love their dogs and
they mistake ever-ready indulgence for showing love.)<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">So what happens is this: the dog starts to learn that certain
behaviors <b>Sometimes Work</b>. <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">And that is a lesson that we, in most situations, do not want
pet dogs to learn. (Cue “Jaws” theme here.)<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Allow me to pivot momentarily to get to the reason I decided
to write this post. I am a fan of the <i>Washington Post</i>’s advice columnist[1]
<a href="https://www.washingtonpost.com/people/carolyn-hax/?itid=sn_advice_4/" target="_blank">Carolyn Hax</a>, who is a brilliant advice-giver and always makes me want to be a
better human being; she understands nuances of behavior and how to tell people
what they need to hear with straightforward kindness while avoiding platitudes.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">She responded to a letter a few days ago and it was spot-on.
A letter writer (LW) had complained about a “friend” who kept asking her to do
unreciprocated favors constantly, and would get really surly (and push and push
even harder) when she occasionally said no, so LW would end up hemming and hawing
and finally giving in and doing them anyway, to “keep the peace.” (Yes, as I
read this letter I literally screamed, “you are training her to breach your
boundaries! Stop doing that! Also, she isn’t your friend.”)<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Hax replied, with way more restraint than I, “you will never
get ‘peace’ by encouraging persistence,” and my nucleus accumbens lit up like a
Jumbotron.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">We want the dog to know, definitely, which behaviors <b>Always
Work</b>, and which behaviors <b>Never Work</b>. <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">When we refuse to reward a behavior most of the time, but <i>occasionally</i>
give in to the dog’s barking, jumping, pawing at us or putting teeth on us,
whether it is for our attention, or food, or play, or access to an area or
item, we are teaching them to be <i>more persistent in their efforts to gain
that thing by using that behavior. </i><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Basically, the dog thinks, “it won’t always work <i>right
away</i>, but there’s a good chance that if I keep at it, it will pay off for
me eventually.”<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEivfs0bxH8WfcwySWqnO_2so4kPiVwVg6bI44s-TOKcLACCe4CXWCSZhkatnLZq0EsHnJHdiDX1Plx3jEbnes8Sl4SwoDhIv55vbYnzCkV8vQtVjLybOH9WoqoSDP6dgrHZxC0AOs_-i5WscgkOEtA0XQDeBebdLWJGUcvjTUcQbCzKDhYt18M5XQxoQDcU/s4752/IMG_2643.JPG" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4752" data-original-width="3168" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEivfs0bxH8WfcwySWqnO_2so4kPiVwVg6bI44s-TOKcLACCe4CXWCSZhkatnLZq0EsHnJHdiDX1Plx3jEbnes8Sl4SwoDhIv55vbYnzCkV8vQtVjLybOH9WoqoSDP6dgrHZxC0AOs_-i5WscgkOEtA0XQDeBebdLWJGUcvjTUcQbCzKDhYt18M5XQxoQDcU/s320/IMG_2643.JPG" width="213" /></a></div>Persistence in a working dog is like a steering wheel in a
vehicle—you have no “drive” without it. You <i>want</i> a persistent border
collie herding your flock of sheep, a persistent cattle dog herding your cows,
a persistent police dog chasing a suspect, a persistent hound dog following a
scent. All of these dogs are bred to stay with a task and not give up if it
becomes too difficult, or because they got distracted.[2] <o:p></o:p><p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><b>But a pet dog with a lot of persistence who exhibits “bad”
behaviors consistently can be a pet owner’s nightmare.</b> Most people who
acquire a dog will be much, much happier if he doesn’t score high on the
persistence scale because that dog will just be easier to own and train and
live with.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">“You will never get ‘peace’ by encouraging persistence”
applies so much to pet dogs that it’s uncanny.[3] <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">We encourage persistence in the dog when we withhold reward
for a period of time before delivering it. (Yes, this works for behaviors we do
like, too—but we are focusing on negative behaviors for now.)<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Let’s say Boopsy is barking at you for attention while you
are working on your computer. You are deep into your spreadsheets and you are
able to tune her out for a while. (Last week, you were jumping up as soon as
the barking started, but you’ve realized the error in that.) You ignore. The
barking continues, and it starts to grate on you. You know you shouldn’t
address it, because <i>any attention from you at this point—even just a glance
in her direction--will count as a reward</i>. But it’s now driving you insane.
You also know that yelling at her to stop Never Works (for you), and the only
way to turn off the din is to get up and give her a toy to play with, or pick
up her leash.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Whichever of these you resort to will not matter, because
both send a message: bark at the human long enough, and eventually they will
cave. <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Conversely, if the barking for attention <b>never</b> works,
the average, not-bred-for-persistence pet dog will give up that behavior after
a few tries, and it will be Problem Solved. <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">(Unlike people, dogs stop doing things that never work for
them. They stop much sooner if the behavior has never, ever worked than if it
used to work but now does not work.)<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">And, next time, if you get Boopsy a bone to chew or a toy to
distract her <b>before</b> she starts barking, when she is actually calm and is
just watching you from her bed a few feet away, she learns that being calm and
watching her human will pay off. Problem Solved, AND new behavior learned.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiehOdVi_Zx2UUJA3sgVUNwmajoFdMgG5w-UjaIIvOM8YsFy4hXy2UQJatDaUkKdC9MJh3DYRV97qiZkIxjx1jkc9Eerck3Q9KQel2ShUxZ4ln6PK10BBHYMmkpfhWkTuYzlOVZV6nhpf-XDBaJabjwONinbKJgDuqszwcLcjPfSTWOelNfnq3dPWEhrLbD/s1960/bark.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1960" data-original-width="1897" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiehOdVi_Zx2UUJA3sgVUNwmajoFdMgG5w-UjaIIvOM8YsFy4hXy2UQJatDaUkKdC9MJh3DYRV97qiZkIxjx1jkc9Eerck3Q9KQel2ShUxZ4ln6PK10BBHYMmkpfhWkTuYzlOVZV6nhpf-XDBaJabjwONinbKJgDuqszwcLcjPfSTWOelNfnq3dPWEhrLbD/s320/bark.jpg" width="310" /></a></div>Ignoring behaviors you do not like that are <i>designed to get
your attention</i> will stop when they do not, in fact, get your attention. But
ignoring these behaviors for a period of time and <b>then rewarding them by
giving in</b> will actually strengthen them! Whoops!<o:p></o:p><p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">If it’s a behavior you enjoy, it doesn’t hurt the dog, and
you aren’t one day going to change your mind and want to put an end to it, no
problem. Strengthen away!<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">But if you want a behavior to stop, you never want the dog
to learn that “persistence pays.”<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">My best advice? Figure out which behaviors are beneficial to
you and the dog, and strengthen them from the beginning, purposefully; and
decide which behaviors you do not enjoy that do not serve you or the dog, and
make sure they never get rewarded in the first place.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">[1] Do you pronounce the ‘n’ in this word? Or do you say, “colum-ist”?
I think most of us say “columNist,” but…why? We don’t say “columN.”<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">[2] A well-bred working dog doesn’t get distracted <i>away</i>
from the work—he <i>lives</i> for it. The work is the reward.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">[3] “Never” isn’t really the right word here, because you
can actually put persistence to your advantage with the “stay” (and other helpful)
commands. <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal"><br /></p>Mailey E. McLaughlin, M.Ed.http://www.blogger.com/profile/06433597895952071846noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-793148027282086402.post-62625408271367326152023-05-24T08:55:00.000-04:002023-05-24T08:55:17.560-04:00What Drives Your Dog?<p><span style="font-family: verdana;">All domestic dogs were originally bred for a purpose: to
serve humans in some fashion. <i>How</i> dogs were domesticated itself has
multiple theories, but <i>that</i> they were domesticated to assist us is not
scientifically in question. One of the smartest things humans ever did was to
start creating specific breeds of dogs to perform tasks for us.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"></p><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2111" data-original-width="1627" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjMwLiVwycCYB7ars3ZC8HUr5uxt0D0wYysSLNJqAuV_ErPfDggQyzo6cUaS2uKR5zGR7LCh0RvmNVoc8imC06rLcPIgIlJTySs9XQGT94AolZxJR3CARJNVSAXOBJ8KkPy-XhVnWylh9D4-Ds0sJlCCKl356TI7AkZFE5V3aHYFQmHfFCoX41KQ8XyjQ/s320/Beauceron.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="247" /></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"> This handsome devil is a Beauceron, a<br />French breed used to guard and<br />herd sheep. Do you have sheep?</td></tr></tbody></table><span style="font-family: verdana;">We needed confident guardians for flocks, temples,
businesses, and homes. We needed agile farmhands to herd the livestock without
injuring it over terrain we couldn’t reach; hounds to sight, scent, chase down,
and tree the game (and tell us loudly where they had done so); and bird dogs to
locate, flush, and retrieve the fowl we hunted (someone should have realized
early on that a dog who could pluck feathers cleanly would also be very
valuable). We needed ratters to keep the rodent population in check, husky-type
dogs to pull our sleds, and even small dogs to be lap-sitting companions (and loud,
ankle-destroying, blanket-adoring, shivering protectors).<o:p></o:p></span><p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;">Of course, nowadays most dogs in developed countries are not
chosen as working companions but simply as pets. And many dogs bred for other
purposes are actually pretty good at being our pets, because we needed dogs to
be able to work, but we also wanted them for company and comfort. So we
selected for working ability <i>and</i> pro-sociability in many breeds. Mix
some of the breeds together and you get desirable (and undesirable) snippets of
each breed represented. <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;">But no matter what, your dog, mixed or purebred, comes with
innate <b><i>drives</i> </b>to perform certain behaviors. And without proper outlets
to express these drives, your dog will become bored, destructive, stressed,
neurotic, and potentially even dangerous.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;">So giving our dogs a job to do helps them in numerous ways,
even if it isn’t the exact job they were bred to do (but the closer you can
mimic that, the better…and, let’s face it…some of <i>us</i> are decidedly not
working in the field of our degree, are we?). <u>Ideally, you should never acquire
a dog with innate drives that are </u><i style="text-decoration-line: underline;">in opposition to</i><u> what you want the dog
to be for you and what the dog will </u><u style="font-style: italic;">deal with regularly</u><span style="font-size: x-small;"><b>¹</b></span>. It’s not fair
to the dog, and it’s a huge headache for the majority of owners over time, many
of whom end up giving up on the dog, or worse--relegating it to a life of
frustration because it will never have its needs met.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;">But people often choose dogs for looks, or for familiarity,
for some unconscious ideal they need the dog to meet, or because “it’s sad and
needs me.” Choosing a dog is often an incredibly emotional decision and rationality
rarely makes an appearance, unfortunately. This leads, at best, to owners
having to step up and do right by the dog no matter how much work it is for
them (and despite most people in this situation swearing up and down that they
will not give up on Fido, most do have a breaking point, which is often well
past the point where Fido’s behavior has been cemented), and, at worst, to poor
placements where Spot ends up living life at the end of a chain or in an
outdoor kennel with very little human contact or stimulation.<o:p></o:p><b>²</b></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;">Ask any reputable dog trainer what’s the worst that can
happen to a dog and they will describe the latter. It’s enough to make us weep,
rend our clothing, and quit the profession, truly. (For the record, we’d much
rather see the dog rehomed properly than relegated to a life of nothing. If you
cannot meet the dog’s needs, rehoming is the kindest option.<b>³</b></span><span style="font-family: verdana;">)</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span style="background: white;"><b>Drive </b>is defined
as <i>the ability and propensity of a dog to exhibit a particular pattern of
behaviors when faced with particular stimuli. </i>Drives are triggered by these
particular stimuli and expressed in a typical and predictable way that is
associated with the particular stimulus.</span><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"></span></p><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqa19rWfnepJfJRNNWrBchFs9kSzhARu818M1bbkZRV2VIwzawBqG4r4PuCCB1yv17I1C6ZjxfFwoSbzQbfwKT5i9N9r2I7wnyY1JLc0q8gofkR3Ji75XjTjOaW5lsCzZvE391bNACZfn02wFrnNSZa1cNdCOLa2jEm8AWHAA6x49QXqPMtFeswI7blQ/s2780/dog%20driving.jpg" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img alt="Maria Orlova, pexels.com" border="0" data-original-height="1853" data-original-width="2780" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqa19rWfnepJfJRNNWrBchFs9kSzhARu818M1bbkZRV2VIwzawBqG4r4PuCCB1yv17I1C6ZjxfFwoSbzQbfwKT5i9N9r2I7wnyY1JLc0q8gofkR3Ji75XjTjOaW5lsCzZvE391bNACZfn02wFrnNSZa1cNdCOLa2jEm8AWHAA6x49QXqPMtFeswI7blQ/w320-h213/dog%20driving.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I said "drives," not "driving." He's not <br />taking you to the airport.<br /><br /></td></tr></tbody></table><span style="font-family: verdana;">A well-bred dog will often exhibit behaviors related to its
innate drives when it is just <i>weeks</i> old. The Border collie puppy will
show the classic “stare, stalk, chase” sequence when placed near sheep. The pointer
puppy will stalk and hold a point. The beagle puppy will follow a scent,
ignoring distractions.<br />
<br />
The Belgian Malinois puppy will take the pain of “puppy mouthing” to a whole
new level of discomfort. (They don’t call them “Maligators” for nothing.) <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span><p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;">Knowing what your dog is driven by will help you train him
to be a happy, well-behaved, fulfilled member of your family who <i>could</i> have
been taught to bring you the paper from the driveway every morning, but now
will never know this skill in our digital age.<br />
<br />
So, how do you know what your dog’s drives are? Well, if you own a well-bred
specimen of a purebred dog, you should be ahead of the game, as a more deeply
researched dive into the breed standard will, at the very least, tell you what
that breed was bred for, and how those drives should manifest.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;"></span></p><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgn7ZOvJ0x0C0wZCp2V7HEynBK3-PmDdLcHaBfBxdEgi-6SgSQJ2rT3Pak3HHhg1nhEYf2LQu8sWycUkyl0kxM-TBEJTOwH07tI4_TpNZvPVeVQgAmf2119bWxjsjmXpfbzJI6MXbQpoXlnvBMhffulF5sbbhHDITwydn8ZnfrMZMx26-tXgYxqWwtndg/s960/yukon%20with%20chippy.jpg" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="960" data-original-width="432" height="304" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgn7ZOvJ0x0C0wZCp2V7HEynBK3-PmDdLcHaBfBxdEgi-6SgSQJ2rT3Pak3HHhg1nhEYf2LQu8sWycUkyl0kxM-TBEJTOwH07tI4_TpNZvPVeVQgAmf2119bWxjsjmXpfbzJI6MXbQpoXlnvBMhffulF5sbbhHDITwydn8ZnfrMZMx26-tXgYxqWwtndg/w144-h304/yukon%20with%20chippy.jpg" width="144" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span>This Chihuahua fancies<br />himself as a ratter. After<br />years of trying, he<br />finally caught something</span><span style="font-size: x-small;">.</span></td></tr></tbody></table><span style="font-family: verdana;"><br />(Granted, dogs are individuals. I’ve known retrievers that
didn’t give a fig about carrying anything orally, much less bringing it back to
you willingly and happily. I’ve met terriers who’d lie down, yawning, as they
watched a squirrel dart past them, bird dogs who completely ignored anything
with feathers, and hounds who rarely engaged in sniffing and wandering, even at
liberty. </span><span style="font-family: verdana;">But these examples are as rare as a month with only 29
days.)</span><p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;">But what if your beloved Mr. Wigglesworth is of, shall we
say, dubious parentage? Sure, nowadays you can have him tested, but most of the
tests are questionably reliable and most people don’t do them, anyway.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;">What is the mutt owner to do?<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;">Here’s an idea: <b>observe your dog</b>. Find ways to put him in
environments (safely, please!) that would allow him to choose an activity of
his own accord in order to fulfill himself. (NOTE: <a href="https://carpek9.blogspot.com/2016/12/fences-make-good-neighborsand-can.html" target="_blank">running up and down a fence screeching at the neighbor's dog is NOT a healthy activity, so please stop allowing it.</a>)<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;">In your yard or familiar environments, watch how he plays
with (or ignores) other dogs, how he interacts with people, especially kids,
and how he engages in particular activities. <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;">Better yet, take your pooch for a walk in the woods (and, at
a separate time, in a large open field), on a long, non-retractable leash, and,
within reason, let him wander and explore.<b>⁴</b> How much sniffing does he engage
in when no one is hurrying him along? What does he do when a squirrel torments
him from a few feet away, or anything furry races off nearby? Where is his
gaze? Does he look skyward often, or seem very interested in flying creatures? Maybe
he enjoys dropping down to loll in the grass or dirt, or purposefully roll in
some unidentifiable substance (probably goose poop or worm guts—let’s be real).<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;"></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhsP-uFSnrMJpfK2GYa7zNesZdOIOgNOrJHLl6aqDwmScoYCKHJRz-osYGUC6nfxWnmTqmspEkOYb77VLmFDFi-koeQ2acbTzhEQoOI0a0cyQ6-2asX59qlEYu1wquJsTNdHEDhdf_N0cMJP9FmplbUfwFdTpdwfjYpde-ugWXXV6DObiVvZKZEMPLEYw/s330/dig.gif" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="330" data-original-width="300" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhsP-uFSnrMJpfK2GYa7zNesZdOIOgNOrJHLl6aqDwmScoYCKHJRz-osYGUC6nfxWnmTqmspEkOYb77VLmFDFi-koeQ2acbTzhEQoOI0a0cyQ6-2asX59qlEYu1wquJsTNdHEDhdf_N0cMJP9FmplbUfwFdTpdwfjYpde-ugWXXV6DObiVvZKZEMPLEYw/s320/dig.gif" width="291" /></a></span></div><span style="font-family: verdana;"><br />Does he scan for creature movement? Give chase? Does he
stick his nose in every hole or crevice? Dig furiously? Does he pay attention to you when not
being asked to? How does he react when he experiences something he is
unfamiliar with? Does his reaction to an unfamiliar thing change if it is a
person who appears in view, as opposed to something small scurrying about? What
does your dog do if you happen to chance upon a.) a deer, b.) a small-footed man
wearing an obvious toupee, c.) a young person carrying more than 2 unripe
mangoes, or d.) a friendly yeti?<o:p></o:p></span><p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;">If you have a fenced yard, you may be inclined to just
observe him when he is outside poking about, instead of leashing him to walk
elsewhere. Certainly, you might be able to answer some of the above questions
in this manner (well, probably not the yeti one), but unless his natural drives
are very strong, he may just be happy to lounge in the sun because the
environment is familiar and boring.<br />
<br />
So dropping the both of you into unfamiliar natural territory, preferably
territory teeming with all manner of sights, sounds, and smells that dogs
generally react to, is more likely to make this little test an educational one
for you.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;">Additionally, you can assess doggy drives using toys and
treats and play: throw toys of varying types, or attach a string to a toy and
drag it around where your dog can join in the fun; create noise and excitement
with toys; hide treats in increasingly more difficult locations; start running
and encourage your dog to chase you (I don’t recommend this last tip if you
made the mistake of getting a Malinois puppy).<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;"></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-kvdIVDcu5ocnksLXjmwktyJ5lfOtU6OzR9DsdVVJIPaYS95vXbV-3PCP5raAz1xLn1SgY5x3zcjW__lj35LFW5dDEUoklPqP0yaatfKoybjsv2Rkc0BDGWwt5WNLrJ8V8uNPaSWR6PQa6fPUZcxLrLQHmeEP5_5WRGY83woGRXDwDfeDQMosYkXy6g/s2625/frisbeeleapsmall.JPG" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2625" data-original-width="2297" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-kvdIVDcu5ocnksLXjmwktyJ5lfOtU6OzR9DsdVVJIPaYS95vXbV-3PCP5raAz1xLn1SgY5x3zcjW__lj35LFW5dDEUoklPqP0yaatfKoybjsv2Rkc0BDGWwt5WNLrJ8V8uNPaSWR6PQa6fPUZcxLrLQHmeEP5_5WRGY83woGRXDwDfeDQMosYkXy6g/s320/frisbeeleapsmall.JPG" width="280" /></a></span></div><span style="font-family: verdana;">Once you have a decent idea of what your dog enjoys doing,
you can create situations that allow him to express those drives safely,
thereby giving him positive outlets for his energy and giving him true mental
stimulation at the same time, which makes for a contented dog, and makes you An
Exceptional Owner.<o:p></o:p></span><p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;">~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<br /><br /></span></p>
<div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">1. E.g. don’t choose a dog with guarding drives and then
expect it to be perfectly happy with people just walking into your home without
knocking, or your kids’ friends coming through doors breathlessly, completely unannounced. Effective training can
help curb some of the behaviors related to the guarding drive, but training
cannot override genetics.<br /><br /></span><span style="font-family: verdana;">2. Some breeds like livestock guardians were indeed created
to work independently from human oversight, but that does not give owners
license to neglect them.<br /><br /></span><span style="font-family: verdana;">3. This whole idea that “people who get rid of dogs are trash
and unworthy of owning a dog” is an unkind fallacy that serves no one
positively and productively; as with most issues in life, it is not black and
white, but full of many shades of gray. Rehoming a pet that you cannot properly care for is not shameful.<br /><br /></span><span style="font-family: verdana;">4. Look, I shouldn’t have to say this, but exercise caution
here. If you already know your 100+ lb dog will take off running after anything
that moves, when that long leash gets taut, you can be severely injured trying
to hold onto him, so be smart.</span></div>
<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p>Mailey E. McLaughlin, M.Ed.http://www.blogger.com/profile/06433597895952071846noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-793148027282086402.post-85306184026519515552023-05-15T22:48:00.000-04:002023-05-15T22:48:16.964-04:00Knowing What You Don't Know<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;"></span></p><blockquote><span style="font-family: verdana;"><i><b>“Dying is a wild night and a new road.” <span style="font-size: x-small;">~Emily Dickinson</span></b></i></span></blockquote><span style="font-family: verdana;"><o:p></o:p></span><p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p><span style="font-family: verdana;"> </span></o:p><span style="font-family: verdana;">Who am I to sit in this chair at this desk and write about
what death is?</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh1ZeqRl5nk_drFGzFPh0tScF2UrH34a7L5CbD2OaGFZF7E6Y97oB34GLX8k3e2NZYLtFga5_EBDZgw761yTKzH8jeiByszj0n1DKMbEsSMFjNWPRU9CquWZfx_3k49f88gEFd6poosV2dk4-MrCQKupB1Qdxd-_XJo5buS-pgqfQOSCTf8qiBSpk3NWA/s4752/headstone.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3168" data-original-width="4752" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh1ZeqRl5nk_drFGzFPh0tScF2UrH34a7L5CbD2OaGFZF7E6Y97oB34GLX8k3e2NZYLtFga5_EBDZgw761yTKzH8jeiByszj0n1DKMbEsSMFjNWPRU9CquWZfx_3k49f88gEFd6poosV2dk4-MrCQKupB1Qdxd-_XJo5buS-pgqfQOSCTf8qiBSpk3NWA/s320/headstone.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><span style="font-family: verdana;">Well, who am I <i>not</i> to? Just because billions of words
have already been constructed into prose sentences, lines of verse, graphic
novels, plays and librettos and screenplays and choral masterpieces, and varied
and spectacular similes and metaphors on the subject of death doesn’t mean I
cannot write about it, too.<o:p></o:p></span><p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;">It’s not like I can write about it in such a way that you,
the reader, would read it and suddenly truly <i>understand</i> death, anyway. I
suppose I could lay down a lot of verbiage about somatic death, or what happens
to the body when the brain dies and the heart stops. But I could not do this
better than a lot of people already have. In other words, the facts about our
death and decay are fairly* well understood by scientists, healthcare
professionals, coroners and funeral directors, and researchers, at the very
least. <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;">But this missive about the one constant we all share,
regardless of race, ethnicity, national origin, creed, gender, religious
belief, sexual identity, social status, level of wealth, and I.Q. isn’t headed
in the direction of facts about the science of the body becoming unalive.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;">What I want to explore is the nebulous, the liminal, the
subjective, the profound, the parts of this “wild night” that are barely within
the realm of comprehension, much less firmly on the surface of true understanding.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;">No matter what religion you are (or aren’t), no matter what
you believe, or how firmly that belief has you in its hold, no matter how you
try to wrap your brain around the subject, none of us really know what death
actually entails, do we? Oh, we <i>think</i> we know! Some of you are very
sure, in fact. Most people know that they <i>don’t</i> know, and are happy to
not ever speak of it again, thank you very much. And then a small number of us
know that we don’t know, but we very much want to discuss it because it is the
one reality we all share—the most existential attribute that makes us human.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;"></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJya576tkD_aU4jBBsIzBqEsaWZ5uffQ8gytRM_tqHGzRDZfUPKGkGswdTp3ZQzkyAjENtUIapYitzJZ80qPnyjRFlJmQKzPl0uRFI-tIqAHhmXFkUKL0AJjNtzSTDiHLu7IAhmPs6sAf1Du85f1iYvEYpMri8foyiRvAm6gLvWUNREtRXHfZJiebm9g/s4032/20210823_115059.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJya576tkD_aU4jBBsIzBqEsaWZ5uffQ8gytRM_tqHGzRDZfUPKGkGswdTp3ZQzkyAjENtUIapYitzJZ80qPnyjRFlJmQKzPl0uRFI-tIqAHhmXFkUKL0AJjNtzSTDiHLu7IAhmPs6sAf1Du85f1iYvEYpMri8foyiRvAm6gLvWUNREtRXHfZJiebm9g/s320/20210823_115059.jpg" width="240" /></a></span></div><span style="font-family: verdana;"><br />And when those of us in the last category get together and
start talking, a lot of people find themselves quite uncomfortable, as if
talking about death invites Death to come down with a gleaming scythe gripped
in his bony hand to smite us. Better not to speak of it, for fear of inviting
it.<o:p></o:p></span><p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;">Talking about death and dying does not invite death. Death
will arrive when it is time, regardless of the nature of our conversations.<br /><br /><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;"></span></p><blockquote><span style="font-family: verdana;"><i><b>“Because I could not stop for Death--He kindly stopped for
Me--/<br /></b></i></span><span style="font-family: verdana;"><i><b><span> </span>The carriage held but just ourselves, and Immortality.”</b></i> ~<span style="font-size: x-small;">Emily Dickinson</span></span></blockquote><span style="font-family: verdana;"></span><p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p><span style="font-family: verdana;"> </span></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;">It was after midnight one warm, breezeless Spring night in 1998.
In that liminal space between consciousness and deep sleep, I lay beneath the
open window covered only by a thin sheet. Out of nowhere, the window blinds
began to sway, pushed by air from outside, moving enough to smack the edge of
the window frame a few times, which, combined with the delicious evening air
suddenly flowing over my skin, was enough to rouse me. The rush of welcome air
lasted about 20-30 seconds, I’d guess, and then the sultriness returned. My
eyes found the cobalt numbers beside my bed: 2:17 a.m. I fell asleep.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;">I was about an hour into my workday the following day,
chatting with a co-worker, when I asked about a former co-worker who had become
a friend, Jeff, who had left our store about 3 weeks prior and was dying of
AIDS in hospice not far away. “Any news?” She shook her head. Cue the day
forward; I’m in the break room after lunch and she touches me on the shoulder.
“He’s gone. He died last night, Frank said.” I nod somberly and she tells me
the funeral information will be disseminated soon.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;">When I have occasion later that afternoon to ask Frank more,
he tells me that Jeff went peacefully early this morning. Frank is a detail
guy, so I knew he would know even more than that. “What time?”<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;">He doesn’t skip a beat. “Time of death was recorded at 2:16
a.m. I know because my phone rang less than a minute later.”<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;">I am a person who adores reason, who bathes in rationality,
who hadn’t embraced religion or even spirituality for over a decade when Jeff
died. I didn’t believe in ghosts, spirits, angels, Heaven or Hell, or anything
for which no evidence existed. Though he and I shared a kinship in regards to
our private lives, Jeff wasn’t a “ride-or-die” friend—we had known each other
on the job for less than a year, and only at work.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;">But I knew, right as that time signature came from Frank’s
lips, that Jeff had visited me on his way out, on his way to wherever it is he
was headed. I "knew" it then, and I still "know" it now, all these years later; the
knowledge mostly sits in a corner of my mind and all my other thoughts tip
their hats at it from time to time and they race (or shuffle) past.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;">Is it explainable in rational terms? The breeze is; even
“out of the blue” on a breezeless night, it is well within the realm of
possibility. The timing of the breeze? Of course not. I wouldn’t deign to even
try. Can it be easily dismissed as coincidence? Absolutely. Have I, someone who
believes very strongly in the randomness of the world, dismissed it as
coincidence? No.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;"></span></p><blockquote><span style="font-family: verdana;"><i><b>“I don’t know if it is true, but it is useful.” </b><span style="font-size: x-small;">~Anonymous</span></i></span></blockquote><span style="font-family: verdana;"><o:p></o:p></span><p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;"></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgzqOp3HfHDu_ZU7LvD4tYlPxJmwrxaBkKzbx97dlaPuzVVb72an-HLAabL7wKF6ngQR-mJzwNSkb1qSRTRD3GBZX4pDLOPlcoZV_7_ilrUbZmog86wmLNoOp3zc1Zhht5Q0d4Zv0ydw3W6HAUaY58kdEhUKKzQ-c1ebJ7RwbbR1lO3Q3H0IIBTVkbOXQ/s2660/underpass.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2660" data-original-width="1252" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgzqOp3HfHDu_ZU7LvD4tYlPxJmwrxaBkKzbx97dlaPuzVVb72an-HLAabL7wKF6ngQR-mJzwNSkb1qSRTRD3GBZX4pDLOPlcoZV_7_ilrUbZmog86wmLNoOp3zc1Zhht5Q0d4Zv0ydw3W6HAUaY58kdEhUKKzQ-c1ebJ7RwbbR1lO3Q3H0IIBTVkbOXQ/s320/underpass.jpg" width="151" /></a></span></div><span style="font-family: verdana;"><br />You see, <b>it doesn't matter what I believe</b>, and it doesn’t
matter what the real explanation is for the phenomenon that cascaded through my
open window that night. <i>I have attached a belief to it</i> and no reason
exists to dismiss that belief, despite the chances of it being a deliberate
visit from the spirit of my work friend on his way out of consciousness forever
being extremely slim.<o:p></o:p></span><p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;">It comprises part of my shelf of beliefs about death, you
see. It sits there, minding its business, a small scrap in the overall file
folder, a folder that grows constantly as I process more thoughts and feelings
about this unknowable subject.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;">It’s human nature to want to know what happens to us, to our
consciousness, to our non-physical being, at the moment of death, of course.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;">But what if an answer to this question simply cannot be
found, regardless of how many words we write, conversations we have, or experiences that waft through our windows on breezeless evenings? What if we are forced to sit with uncertainty, as long as we live,
regarding this question? <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;">I’m OK with that. I hope you can be, too.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: courier;">~Mailey</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;">~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</span></p>
<p style="text-align: left;"><o:p><span style="font-family: verdana;"> </span></o:p><span style="background-color: white; font-family: verdana;">*"</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #121212; font-family: verdana;">We still know very little about human decay,
but the growth of forensic research facilities, or ‘body farms,’ together with
the availability and ever-decreasing cost of techniques such as DNA sequencing,
now enables researchers to study the process in ways that were not possible
just a few years ago. A better understanding of the cadaveric ecosystem – how
it changes over time, and how it interacts with and alters the ecology of its
wider environment – could have important applications in forensic science. It
could, for example, lead to new, more accurate ways of estimating time of
death, and of finding bodies that have been hidden in clandestine graves."<br /><br /></span><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span style="color: #121212;"><span style="background-color: white;">~</span></span>Mo Costandi (<i>The Guardian</i>, May 2015)</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p>Mailey E. McLaughlin, M.Ed.http://www.blogger.com/profile/06433597895952071846noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-793148027282086402.post-23728535244570416002022-09-25T09:47:00.002-04:002022-09-25T09:50:52.292-04:00Your Life Dreams are Thieves<p><span style="font-family: verdana;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal"></p><blockquote><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;">“Our purest dreams steal something from our lives.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;">They can only live if something else dies…” </span></p></blockquote><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p><span style="font-family: verdana;"> </span></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;"></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEix5cLvDWN-B0gqVmJX83HgAgjnAE0gGV1CcZaC_hmbgCaM4tnCYwCRTSGMOb4NZZiA33KaITi7ckzVaa4r_Eee7Qi8OjR8ZvLARj6a1vBycFTKCfwGfIHi6toUCIrmKVBYqh7lWRVkCGFsO4Uz0GBnCHJcgG_cgERAls_vTJrjOoDi7MV12DCZFJ6Mdg/s4320/water%20rushing%20past%20rocks.JPG" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3240" data-original-width="4320" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEix5cLvDWN-B0gqVmJX83HgAgjnAE0gGV1CcZaC_hmbgCaM4tnCYwCRTSGMOb4NZZiA33KaITi7ckzVaa4r_Eee7Qi8OjR8ZvLARj6a1vBycFTKCfwGfIHi6toUCIrmKVBYqh7lWRVkCGFsO4Uz0GBnCHJcgG_cgERAls_vTJrjOoDi7MV12DCZFJ6Mdg/s320/water%20rushing%20past%20rocks.JPG" width="320" /></a></span></div><span style="font-family: verdana;"><br />As I idled in traffic one breezy spring morning, the lines
above leapt out from my car stereo and gripped my brain, demanding my attention
then and there—and I began to feel my emotions welling (as they are right now,
as I compose this). What was required of me in that moment was to connect the
dots between a book I’d been devouring breathlessly, <i><u>Four Thousand Weeks:
Time Management for Mortals</u></i> by Oliver Burkeman<b><sup>1</sup></b>, pause
the song until I could pull over and scribble the lyrics and the jumble of
thoughts into my Field Notes notebook, and then to slide that leather-bound constant
companion between the seat and the console and look up through the open top of
the Jeep at the cloudless sky and <i>memento mori.</i><o:p></o:p></span><p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;">(A bit of an aside: does this sort of thing happen to you,
this scramble to record a thought you know will slip away? Does it feel like
desperation? One could argue that it’s a function of aging; we realize at some
point that we will not remember an insight and we take measures to shore up our
abilities: surround ourselves with notebooks and pens and sticky notes
everywhere and memo minders on our phones and whiteboards on multiple surfaces.<b><sup>
2</sup></b><br />
<br />
So, yes, on the aging front I won’t quibble, but it isn’t just that for me.
I’ve carried a book, a notebook, and a writing tool with me everywhere as long
as I can remember, because there are so many more elements I experience than I
can attend to at a time; the world around me constantly sparks my imagination
and, no matter our age, we can only hold so much at once.) <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;">Why did these lyrics grab me? Time is a fickle mistress,
isn’t she? We tend to think we have way more time than we actually do; we see
the future with rose-colored glasses as a huge, never-ending expanse of time in
which <i>All The Things</i> will be able to be explored.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;">In order to pursue Activity A, we will have to
pause or cease Activities B-Z because of the way in which we mortals experience
time. This, on a micro level, means that dinner with your family at home means
you can’t be attending a lecture or concert across town; and choosing to take a
job on Wall Street means you have to give up the idea of spending that same
year on a fishing trawler or hiking across the Caucasus mountains, because you
cannot be in two places at once.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;">And this means you must constantly make an array of choices
that could lead to extraordinary experiences, pure regret, or something in
between.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;"></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhhJ9HXFHyzgThIQHksSMJ5RQj7kvRkfCiOFgzWhOCrDMBO0qepJgkwVi_JAOwMRG1gt6ChK7rW2c4kJouD23gbEjA8RzLW9EpZRpYTlgmBzXP7vllB39gIEl4XsvuGOarZKXzSri_qJ-NeDDXiw3Inch35YiZSqIHkmxkIHARZ0hsi2qprMUrICnJS0Q/s4032/20220803_102959.jpg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhhJ9HXFHyzgThIQHksSMJ5RQj7kvRkfCiOFgzWhOCrDMBO0qepJgkwVi_JAOwMRG1gt6ChK7rW2c4kJouD23gbEjA8RzLW9EpZRpYTlgmBzXP7vllB39gIEl4XsvuGOarZKXzSri_qJ-NeDDXiw3Inch35YiZSqIHkmxkIHARZ0hsi2qprMUrICnJS0Q/s320/20220803_102959.jpg" width="240" /></a></span></div><span style="font-family: verdana;">Every experience you choose removes another experience from
the realm of possibility in that time frame. And you might, remembering Frost’s
words to “mark the first [road] for another day,” declare yes, if I choose K, I cannot
do Q right now, but I will do it in the future, won’t I? If it matters, I
*will* get to it, right?<b><sup> </sup></b><o:p></o:p></span><p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span style="color: black; mso-color-alt: windowtext;"><br />Ah. It seems you may have forgotten the next lines
Robert wrote, Dear Reader.<b><sup> 3</sup></b></span><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;">The idea that your life dreams are thieves may shock you, or
disappoint you. It may jolt you awake, smear you with intense FOMO, or be of no
real concern to you because you didn’t realize you had a choice of aspirations.<br />
<br />
(The song is looking at the macro, of course, but the concept applies even when
reduced, though it wavers, when reduced, from a “life dreams” level.<b><sup>4</sup></b>)<br />
<br />
What do your dreams steal from you? Following them eliminates all the other
dreams you might have pursued. Following them means that the activities and
tasks you did to “move the needle” toward your goal happened instead of other
activities and tasks and experiences you might have had or done.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;">For most of us, following our dreams means honing in and
tuning out distractions, over and over and over; we structure our time and
curate our activities for a goal out of necessity, typically not knowing what
we are bypassing or missing.</span><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span style="font-size: 13.3333px;"><b>5</b></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;">And here’s another truth about choosing to follow our
dreams: since we have a limited amount of time, we must often jettison
activities we enjoy (that may even be work-related) that are not moving the
needle forward for us. This has happened to me in the last several months as I
change careers in midlife, and I am still grieving the loss of those activities,
most related to my previous career, that brought me so much satisfaction and
pleasure. But we have to make the tough choices in regards to our time.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;">
<span style="color: #202124; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“…And our purest dreams<br />
Steal something from our lives<br />
They can only live<br />
Because something else dies<br />
But they lift us up<br />
And they make us walk so tall<br />
Got it all…got it all…got it all…”<br />
<br />
~<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E2cwAnIZXXU" target="_blank">from “Love Too Much” by Keane,<br />
lyrics by Tim Rice-Oxley</a><o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: #202124; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p><span style="font-family: verdana;"> </span></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: #202124; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p><span style="font-family: verdana;"> ***********************</span></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p><span style="font-family: verdana;"> </span></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Verdana; mso-fareast-font-family: Verdana;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">1.<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></span></span><span face=""Verdana",sans-serif" style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;">Not
your run-of-the-mill self-help book about time management, so don’t dismiss it.
It’s a deep, thoughtful treasure trove of head-slapping insights and I re-read
it constantly.</span><span style="font-family: verdana;"><br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
<!--[if !supportLineBreakNewLine]--><br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
<!--[endif]--><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Verdana; mso-fareast-font-family: Verdana;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">2.<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></span></span><span face="Verdana, sans-serif" style="font-size: 12pt;">During
the pandemic, the wife and I invested in some nice glass whiteboards and
installed them in multiple places in our home. Are they a beautiful addition to
our décor? No. Do they improve the look of our space? Also no. But have they
helped us by giving us a close-by way to jot things down and remember? Yes. I
wish we’d done it sooner.</span></p><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">
<!--[if !supportLineBreakNewLine]--><br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
<!--[endif]--><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Verdana; mso-fareast-font-family: Verdana;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">3.<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></span></span><span face=""Verdana",sans-serif" style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;">”Yet
knowing how way leads on to way/I doubted if I should ever come back.”</span><span style="font-family: verdana;"><br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
<!--[if !supportLineBreakNewLine]--><br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
<!--[endif]--><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Verdana; mso-fareast-font-family: Verdana;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">4.<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></span>E. g. the time you spend
doomscrolling social media is time you are not reading that stack of books on
your nightstand (or writing your own book); the 3 hours you spend at the bar is
time you are not training your puppy, studying for your finals, cleaning your house,
or any number of other tasks that may or may not be more important.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: verdana;">But reducing the theme to this
micro level brings in more factors, one of which is how we ascribe importance,
and even morality, to certain tasks, and how we guilt ourselves while doing so.
If you are having a great time laughing and making memories with your friends
while at the bar, who is to say that the experience is worth less than the
tasks you are foregoing?<br /><br />5.) This post is in no way an admonishment to abandon your dreams, by the way. Do that only to make room for new ones. </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in;"><o:p></o:p></p>Mailey E. McLaughlin, M.Ed.http://www.blogger.com/profile/06433597895952071846noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-793148027282086402.post-17524147277208505632022-06-21T17:06:00.005-04:002022-06-21T17:16:08.942-04:00Enduring the Erosion<p><span style="font-family: verdana;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhyuQ-8TLw5bag4_hyMjvz5xFX-4Lghf5J1Z-zfwa0iSURB1oLetCGwZocVJxh2rk7nZ6y-Jx0mONUWSX5nyNV_csbRjo2r4AgwTXM0_N3CHnti1w5Z7XeK0_s0AO3hkuMA-MLJ3TtAWxXm19xAAkv6IAr5KgsIN2v0LiMftsV-_aBRBSd4WqfU-EwJeQ/s4032/20220621_064700.jpg" style="clear: left; display: inline; float: left; font-family: verdana; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhyuQ-8TLw5bag4_hyMjvz5xFX-4Lghf5J1Z-zfwa0iSURB1oLetCGwZocVJxh2rk7nZ6y-Jx0mONUWSX5nyNV_csbRjo2r4AgwTXM0_N3CHnti1w5Z7XeK0_s0AO3hkuMA-MLJ3TtAWxXm19xAAkv6IAr5KgsIN2v0LiMftsV-_aBRBSd4WqfU-EwJeQ/s320/20220621_064700.jpg" width="240" /></a>The breeze slides off the lake, slips nimbly up and over the
ragged, red clay bank, and swirls in eddies around my bare feet. It shimmies
past the perspiring skin on my arms and legs just enough to keep me from
retreating to the air-conditioned camper. The water is mostly still today, only
occasionally ruffled by a pleasure boat. I am fully ensconced in the shade of
several young white oak trees, trees whose leaves capture (but fail to hold)
the edges of the breeze caressing us all.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;">Many thoughts have been breezily swirling in my brain since
we arrived to this quiet cove yesterday, though I fully admit to pushing some
of them away so that I might remain fully present. I don’t push them away
because they are unpleasant or difficult (though some are); I simply, right
now, want to focus on, well, a tree.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;">What has captured my pen today is one singular oak to my
right, the same age as </span><span style="font-family: verdana;">her sisters (I’m guessing 25-50 years old, which is, in
oak years, practically newborn*). She is the victim of unfortunate
circumstance, an event probably created by drought, likely in the last 3 years.</span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEinGkG1M0y0qkYPPKNOKfsoANWwEYYb80GDp5EtVRob7OgjXRyxTGeydKEUWI8YLL8ubCjuc2pBdZed0BnnGpnjuBW8UEpRimC2DLz8tvu16ERF3z4fpJLY_lbekUEzAbXyufHnoO-5Sc4srBESwyf2FPVR7w1UsXawyTLH39t2Il38hMgiEegj7HNBlw/s4032/20220620_144249.jpg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEinGkG1M0y0qkYPPKNOKfsoANWwEYYb80GDp5EtVRob7OgjXRyxTGeydKEUWI8YLL8ubCjuc2pBdZed0BnnGpnjuBW8UEpRimC2DLz8tvu16ERF3z4fpJLY_lbekUEzAbXyufHnoO-5Sc4srBESwyf2FPVR7w1UsXawyTLH39t2Il38hMgiEegj7HNBlw/s320/20220620_144249.jpg" width="240" /></a></div><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;">The earth simply could not hold her where she planted
herself, on a promontory too close to the water’s edge, and erosion beneath
took its toll eventually, causing her to now be tilted precariously towards the
water at a 45 degree angle. Her branches are in full summer outleaf and her
trunk remains stubbornly sturdy; the top edge of her root ball has feathered
away, though, and the exposed roots show minimal, but concerning, damage.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;">I have no idea how long she will persevere in this this inalterable
state, and I find myself wondering how she will cope with this predicament, how
much further she will fall over time, and how much time she has left, knowing
full well only two things: she will never ponder these thoughts, and now, I
will never <i>not</i> ponder them.**<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;">Perhaps she will compensate for being off-balance by
sprouting new branches on her skyward side, strengthening the ones already
there, or curving her trunk, to act as ballast.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;">Perhaps she will call out to her brethren and sound an
alarm, and they will come to her aid, as trees do--sending nutrients through
the mycelium to boost her and hold her steady against the wind and water and
the ravages of time.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;">Perhaps she will be able to hold herself in this altered
state for many years, and perhaps not. She has no idea how long the remaining
dirt under her will last, and she may not be able to compensate being fully
waterlogged at the base once it gives way. <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;"></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh9zRsDSu0Lnm8pSqSeOc1XWTX9eH2fG92mbnWfghK0dY_V2RbFzyXUSWPNL7zch-pJX-SUDzf4UvffCJhy4xX0gZwjDiNGF9yuE-LT4R59Dcmsx4SzG9YLGlgCoVNWd9fmGFTnxG5oX7Rv50fjYEzMFqPL5G1gNEeuBeD31ZK7IoZW8IXZDMVFhMWeRQ/s4032/20220620_144353.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh9zRsDSu0Lnm8pSqSeOc1XWTX9eH2fG92mbnWfghK0dY_V2RbFzyXUSWPNL7zch-pJX-SUDzf4UvffCJhy4xX0gZwjDiNGF9yuE-LT4R59Dcmsx4SzG9YLGlgCoVNWd9fmGFTnxG5oX7Rv50fjYEzMFqPL5G1gNEeuBeD31ZK7IoZW8IXZDMVFhMWeRQ/s320/20220620_144353.jpg" width="240" /></a></span></div><span style="font-family: verdana;">And then there’s the question of what will happen if roots,
trunk, and branches become partly or mostly permanently submerged. White oaks
are hardy, sure, but they are not suited for under-the-waterline stasis like a
bald cypress, swamp tupelo, or even a willow. She could live for years more--even
if she slips below the waterline. But she will likely not thrive in that state
and would certainly not reach full age and mass.<o:p></o:p></span><p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;">Her roots hold fast to the remaining bank for now, and she
continues to hold fast to her <i>white-oakness</i>; what other choice does she have,
really?<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;">It makes me think about how we humans cope with change, how
we adjust ourselves when things interrupt our growth and/or purposely or
unconsciously try to drag us down.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;">The tree doesn’t need to “think on her feet.” She holds this
new line as only she can: with blinding slowness and complete neutrality, with steady
composure, without dread. It will take months, nay, <i>years</i> for her to make adjustments to trunk
or branches, and they will be so incremental that they would hardly be noticed
with the naked eye. The challenge she faces is not one where quick thinking
matters; she <i>will </i>adjust, but with no haste.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;">Meanwhile, life/the Universe flings all manner of feces at
us daily: we lose jobs, our spouses divorce us or we divorce them, partnerships
dissolve, our beloved soul friends move away physically or drift away emotionally
(the latter, of course, being even more painful), our pets face trauma and
illness and we must face their mortality, and our loved ones face illness, adversity,
and death. Our hearts break, capsizing upon themselves in white-hot agony, and
we are stripped bare by the futility of circumstance. Our existence can be
thrown into chaos with one phone call, one unnoticed red light, one instant of
distraction, even one stumble off the curb. Change is the only permanence in
our lives, and often, we are not ready to face it, let alone cope with it in
healthy ways. It’s funny: humans have adjusted and adapted over centuries to
all manner of newness and strangeness, and persevered. But we crave consistency
and sameness, routine and ritual, nonetheless. <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;">And there is nothing wrong with this craving. Wanting
consistency, desiring ritual, and needing routine have helped us adapt,
actually: stability is nothing to sneeze at. We are creatures of habit.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;">But the Universe doesn’t really care about that, does it? We
know that Life Happens--and storybook endings rarely do. We know,
intellectually, that bad things happen to good people and vice-versa, that
adversity doesn’t discriminate, and that life is actually rarely fair. So that
means we realize that change will come and it may often be unwelcome, but we
must cope. What other choice do we have?<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;">And, unlike this young tree facing adversity, we often need
to adjust to change very quickly, even though what we’d really like is More
Time to learn how to cope with the inevitable erosion of what we are used to. Our heads understand what is needed, but our
vulnerable hearts are slow to catch up (and often too swift to declare they
will never embrace vulnerability again). The tree, lacking a breakable heart,
has nothing <i>but</i> time to adjust, but we are rarely afforded that luxury.<br /><br /><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;"></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi6Dl2Rxwjd7a7RxbbfEpnwkFufiFQIE_XPFE34Ty8vkcVJAnlIi5lJXq-Ue169RQz3iVY7vPBDVyCpcBPKpkIsmirMdN_AdBtQdHs23XTAmmdtg-RenaHX7PMSgztPgLBFZZgSqfFDhgW7CgjZfB5xtuYlICTPm9BxL0yFUDg1C7OvkuRVeqVCPczLVg/s4032/20220620_144310.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi6Dl2Rxwjd7a7RxbbfEpnwkFufiFQIE_XPFE34Ty8vkcVJAnlIi5lJXq-Ue169RQz3iVY7vPBDVyCpcBPKpkIsmirMdN_AdBtQdHs23XTAmmdtg-RenaHX7PMSgztPgLBFZZgSqfFDhgW7CgjZfB5xtuYlICTPm9BxL0yFUDg1C7OvkuRVeqVCPczLVg/s320/20220620_144310.jpg" width="240" /></a></span></div><span style="font-family: verdana;"><br />As we feel our feet being ripped from underneath us, find ourselves tipping toward the water as the earth sloughs away, we realize that
we can change nothing about the circumstance <b>but ourselves</b>: we can compensate
for being off-balance by sprouting new branches on our skyward surface,
strengthening the ones already there, or curving our trunks, to act as ballast.
We can reach out to our brethren for aid, and open ourselves/be receptive to
the nutrients they provide us.</span><p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;">We can experience change (and the knowing that it will
always be watching us from just outside our awareness, peeking through a crack
in the curtains, waiting to pop over for a “quick chat” just when we have settled ourselves into a cozy nap in the familiar) by activating the stalwartness we, like the
tree, already possess. <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;">The leaning tree cannot control the erosion, nor can she adapt quickly to adversity, change,
or distressing situations. But she copes, regardless. And we learn, sometimes
against our wishes, that <b>we</b> can cope, provide ourselves ballast, and thrive
over time despite adversity, discomfort, and even heartbreaking pain.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;">What other choice do we have?<br /><br /><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">****************************************</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;">*The common folklore is that oak trees grow for 100 years,
live for 100, and die for 100. <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;">**Will I think about this tree constantly? Of course not.
But will I think of her regularly? Yes, because I think about trees a lot
anyway, and this one in particular has captured me on this day--and forever.</span><o:p></o:p></p>Mailey E. McLaughlin, M.Ed.http://www.blogger.com/profile/06433597895952071846noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-793148027282086402.post-14088550335002399352022-02-25T20:48:00.002-05:002022-02-25T20:50:50.438-05:00Let Yourself Shatter<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEgwoBcUpyDsuNJpp1waDk_sbU9FjcsMAqgw6B3zyuSUIn-WeXgZqkVkG5L1ChXEGoS_hbDDiTKVZ2HQU_okUCFCcm7hPEFSNfCbhHYvdNgxBMBjfBHUoWPxPbQ8UJPN02DnffSb9EvACw-qnMWigpxtzoWGHHhhNvmNElZKA-O1pj_4Y5PVFBdPF3aRKQ=s4752" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4752" data-original-width="3168" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEgwoBcUpyDsuNJpp1waDk_sbU9FjcsMAqgw6B3zyuSUIn-WeXgZqkVkG5L1ChXEGoS_hbDDiTKVZ2HQU_okUCFCcm7hPEFSNfCbhHYvdNgxBMBjfBHUoWPxPbQ8UJPN02DnffSb9EvACw-qnMWigpxtzoWGHHhhNvmNElZKA-O1pj_4Y5PVFBdPF3aRKQ=s320" width="213" /></a></div><p class="MsoNormal"><span face=""Verdana",sans-serif" style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span face=""Verdana",sans-serif" style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">“On this bald hill the new year hones its edge.<br />
Faceless and pale as china<br />
the round sky goes on minding its business.<br />
Your absence is inconspicuous, nobody can tell what I lack.” ~Sylvia Plath</span><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 5pt;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"></span></p><blockquote><blockquote><blockquote><blockquote><span style="font-family: verdana;"> </span></blockquote></blockquote></blockquote></blockquote><p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">If you have been alive long
enough to have experienced the end of a serious relationship, the death of a
friend or loved one, or have shared your life with animals for any length of
time, you have known loss and you have tasted the bitter nectar of grief. It’s
an intense, heavy emotion that, when it hits, often sideswipes us with its raw
power.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">It’s quite likely that your
first experience of death was indeed the death of a beloved pet from your
childhood—an event you probably recall with incredible clarity, even now, and,
being human, you also remember the heart-rending pain you felt afterward (for
some people, the pain is so giant that they refuse to own pets ever again). If
you are like me, you still grieve at least one of your long-lost dogs—very
possibly as acutely as if it just happened. The loss of a pet can be more
traumatic than the grief we feel after the death of family or friends,
partially because our culture makes intense grief surrounding pet loss just not
socially acceptable, and partly because pets are some of our most intimate,
most unconditional relationships. Those of us who share our lives with pets
often experience grief multiple times over our lifetimes because pets live such
transitory lives compared to ours.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">Grief makes most people
uncomfortable. They don’t like experiencing it, and they feel helpless when they
encounter it in others. It’s incredibly awkward to be involved in some basic
daily task in public and see someone who is actively grieving: we don’t know
whether to ignore, try to help, or overtly avoid them. As someone who has
broken down in public several times, tears streaming down my face as I sobbed
uncontrollably and collapsed in the coffee aisle, suppressing the urge to wail,
I have seen the looks of those nearby as I considered that I probably should
“get myself together” and “not make a scene.” That’s some powerful cultural
conditioning and I actively began to fight against it when my mother died
suddenly in 2019.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">I grew up believing that
grief was a private thing, a linear thing, something to be “gotten over,”
something intimate (not discussed outside the circle or after the funeral),
something slightly shameful, even. This is what author Miriam Greenspan calls
“emotion phobia”: a culture-wide fear of the raw power of emotion and its
expression. It was drilled into most of us in childhood, sadly, though shaming,
ignoring, or the threat of punishment. “Even if we were not humiliated,
punished, neglected, or whipped into shape for having ordinary human feelings,
by the time we are adults, we are expected to restrict their free flow…we have
been taught that emotions are not appropriate except in the context of intimate
relationship,” Greenspan writes in her book <i>Healing Through the Dark
Emotions</i>.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">Everyone feels awkward that
you aren’t yourself anymore, so they try to buck you up with platitudes. But you
don’t want to be bucked up! Your heart is broken and you just want it
reassembled—but there is no way out of this black maw except through it. You
cannot drown your grief, or eat/sex/drug it away, or pretend it doesn’t exist,
because it is a living part of you. Stop worrying about what others, especially
strangers, think--or if they feel uncomfortable. Feel your grief; reach down
inside you and grip it and hold it still for as long as it takes; it writhes
and bleats and it burns, even, but you must own it—completely.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">And here’s a recommendation
that will free you: stop saying “I’m sorry” when grief washes over you randomly
and you break down! Never apologize for having feelings, especially these
powerful ones that make us so human and that we have all felt at some time or
another. Death and non-death loss are part of life, like it or not, and
embracing your pain is the only way to find your way out of it.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"> <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 5pt;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"></span></p><blockquote><span style="font-family: verdana;">“Give sorrow words; the grief that does not speak knits up the
o’erwrought heart and bids it break.” ~Shakespeare</span></blockquote><span style="font-family: verdana;"><o:p></o:p></span><p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><o:p><span style="font-family: verdana;"> </span></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">Grief is not linear; it is not “five stages” that everyone needs
to follow in a certain order, and it is not shameful; it is sloppy and jagged
and you will not feel large enough to contain it sometimes.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">Sorrow and regret and anger
run in a malevolent pack, barreling towards you, threatening to mow you over
and leave you a pile of dust that could blow away on the slightest breeze. Let
them! You will likely disintegrate, but only temporarily.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span style="color: #181818; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Author Glennon Doyle
writes, “Grief shatters. If you let yourself shatter and then you put yourself
back together, piece by piece, you wake up one day and realize that you have
been completely reassembled. You are whole again, and strong, but you are
suddenly a new shape, a new size…”</span><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEiBBuXf7V_5VLLZt5oAYxuMMTkIDpBWMqwyIYS4D-j3kZhs7_EcYykSGwwMzeZhEx6DFmqI33SZkmsm6v764e05Xkw73lr6aXHd4sYIOXfyaedEjkA5r__ZxxeDuVi9yZge0p3kU19eQY0XTHNHl-2n__a0iYKZn8Xlvbfjyjsn1KbAcga0wO61LLIO3Q=s4320" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3240" data-original-width="4320" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEiBBuXf7V_5VLLZt5oAYxuMMTkIDpBWMqwyIYS4D-j3kZhs7_EcYykSGwwMzeZhEx6DFmqI33SZkmsm6v764e05Xkw73lr6aXHd4sYIOXfyaedEjkA5r__ZxxeDuVi9yZge0p3kU19eQY0XTHNHl-2n__a0iYKZn8Xlvbfjyjsn1KbAcga0wO61LLIO3Q=s320" width="320" /></a></span></div><span style="font-family: verdana;"><br />It’s been said that we do
not “move on” from loss. We only move forward. The pain will indeed ease over
time, but it never truly departs. Sometimes it takes up residence on the
periphery of your consciousness, and other times, it comes in and sits down at
the table and demands to be noticed. This is all a normal part of the healing
process, which is messy and can feel unsettling.<o:p></o:p></span><p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">But it does get better.
Don’t be embarrassed or afraid to seek help: support groups, talking with
understanding friends, practicing keening, being in nature, caring for pets and
children, volunteering, exercising, eating healthfully, meditation and
gratitude practices are all ways that others have healed.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 13.5pt; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">You will heal, too.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"></span></p><blockquote><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">"Grief is a house<br />
where the chairs<br />
have forgotten how to hold us<br />
the mirrors how to reflect us<br />
the walls how to contain us<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">grief is a house that
disappears<br />
each time someone knocks at the door<br />
or rings the bell<br />
a house that blows into the air<br />
at the slightest gust<br />
that buries itself deep in the ground<br />
while everyone is sleeping<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">grief is a house where no
one can protect you<br />
where the younger sister<br />
will grow older than the older one<br />
where the doors<br />
no longer let you in<br />
or out.”<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">Jandy Nelson</span></p></blockquote><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p><span style="font-family: verdana;"> </span></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;"><o:p><span style="font-family: verdana;"> </span></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;"></span><o:p></o:p></p><span face="Verdana, sans-serif"></span><p></p>Mailey E. McLaughlin, M.Ed.http://www.blogger.com/profile/06433597895952071846noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-793148027282086402.post-58070342563528268402021-07-12T08:27:00.001-04:002021-07-12T09:33:40.664-04:00Going Gray<p><span style="font-family: verdana;"><a name="_Hlk76237889">The older I get, the more gray I
become.</a></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk76237889;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">I’m not talking about
my hair. Everyone gets gray as they age. My father’s hair was completely gray
by 40. Mine would be salt-and-pepper if I let it grow, but I’ve been shaving it
for years because I enjoy not having to mess with my hair and I enjoy that it
is less expensive, easier to maintain, and keeps my temperature lower
(menopausal hot flashes are not fun, kids). I do love gray hair on
others, though, and I would have zero issue with the color now.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk76237889;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">But this isn’t about
hair.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk76237889;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">I’m talking about my
worldview. And when I mention a “gray worldview,” I’m not talking about a
dismal, dreary, “it’s a gray day outside” perspective, or a “gloom and doom”
perspective.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m not despairing. I’m not
unhappy.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk76237889;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">You see, I’m not a
pessimist. I’m an optimist with experience.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk76237889;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">For me, adopting a gray
worldview means being able to see the world in many shades of gray, and less in
absolutes, less in pure “black and white.” It means realizing that though I may
not be the brightest, or smartest, or most educated, I am nevertheless striving
every day to be a critical thinker who is constantly trying to see the world
past my own perception.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk76237889;"></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk76237889;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjeTZEms7BZeLtZWQvDG0KNTckVzA6ZjDsDPfl_rxw-OPJEv0ncnUp0hoXXaYnFSBA-TZB8_vz-PQQ0KP5d96QcGWZYqUyq7plaNmgykbrGcAjYZE0YrDhuCx4ao6is95HA-ltkz1L0yNtk/s307/Mai+lake+small.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="230" data-original-width="307" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjeTZEms7BZeLtZWQvDG0KNTckVzA6ZjDsDPfl_rxw-OPJEv0ncnUp0hoXXaYnFSBA-TZB8_vz-PQQ0KP5d96QcGWZYqUyq7plaNmgykbrGcAjYZE0YrDhuCx4ao6is95HA-ltkz1L0yNtk/s0/Mai+lake+small.JPG" /></a></span></div><span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk76237889;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">This isn’t easy. At
all. It takes work and it can be uncomfortable work. No one likes to realize
that a lot of what they think could be, well, wrong. Or misguided. We must consistently
and urgently challenge ourselves to think in different ways because it is
impossible to grow without doing so.</span></span><p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk76237889;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">And we like routine.
We like thinking the same stuff all the time. We like not being challenged
mentally and emotionally, especially when it comes to our core beliefs. Many
people enjoy stagnation because it is like putting on a favorite pair of jeans
or the softest t-shirt you own: it’s comfortable, and easy. Westerners, by and
large, enjoy ease—especially ease of thought.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk76237889;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">Think about it:
when’s the last time you started a conversation, on purpose, with someone who
has opposing religious, political, or social issue beliefs than you do? I’ll
bet it has been a long time, if ever. When is the last time you chose a book to
read that challenged your beliefs? <o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk76237889;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">It’s time that we
purposely push ourselves to walk in unfamiliar, and even uncomfortable,
territory when our physical safety is not at risk. We need to not just <i>have</i>
the uncomfortable conversations, but <i>start</i> them. And I’m not talking
about social media, which is often a terrible place to have deep conversations
about any topic, much less a topic that will create discomfort.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk76237889;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">No, these
conversations are best held in person, either one-on-one, or in small groups.
They are best held when our bellies are full, we are sober, and we are well
rested. They are best held when we cannot escape easily, cannot defer our
answers, cannot deflect.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk76237889;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">We need to be
prepared to not know the answers, but to figure them out as we go. We need to
learn to sit with discomfort, look it in the face, and not shy away.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk76237889;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">We need to be
prepared to say to the others in the conversation, “That is not a perspective I
have ever considered, and now I have some thinking to do. Thank you for
bringing it to my attention.”<o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk76237889;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhw563oiy4POk314fyAGfvmDSg2NoqixzWmoGPKeyhzTqBCtQsCY0lm49F0d4v8GEfAIca9lwZiK5M5s26cPCUeEA_DkXJPINaMHfZPogKvI1yIrmtBWcev8WVgjv_1zsJZd409EBO42qTw/s300/2+peaopl+harli+marten.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="200" data-original-width="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhw563oiy4POk314fyAGfvmDSg2NoqixzWmoGPKeyhzTqBCtQsCY0lm49F0d4v8GEfAIca9lwZiK5M5s26cPCUeEA_DkXJPINaMHfZPogKvI1yIrmtBWcev8WVgjv_1zsJZd409EBO42qTw/s0/2+peaopl+harli+marten.jpg" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Harli Marten</td></tr></tbody></table>We need to be
prepared to feel dumb. To feel small. To feel the hot flush of embarrassment,
even, because we have put ourselves “out there” and been corrected, ideally
gently. (Embarrassment is always survivable.)<o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk76237889;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">Our conversation
companions may not play fairly, but we can. They may shout, but we can speak
normally and thoughtfully, regardless. They may get angry and try to leave, but
we can stay, take deep breaths, and continue on.<b>**</b><o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk76237889;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">Does this feel too
frightening? See below for how you can prepare.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk76237889;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">Many issues surround
us daily that require critical thought and the adoption of a gray worldview.
Black and white thought will not solve our problems. For most of us, the
world’s problems are not even in our capacity to solve, but when we speak of
them or put energy into trying to understand them, we must try to do so in ways
that will aid in the solutions. Why? None of us can solve world hunger, or the
healthcare crisis, or climate change, the inefficiency of government, or the
problems of white supremacy, racism, and sexism by ourselves. You and your
friends talking about them in your backyard on a sunny day will not solve them,
either. So why does it matter how you discuss them? What is wrong about
bitching and complaining about the problems we all have in common that are well
beyond our capacity to solve?<o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk76237889;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">It matters because
it is far too easy to have unfiltered opinions, to vent, to cast aspersions on
the evildoers, to marinate in the frustrations of the world. Our brains are
wired towards negativity and we get careening down that fast track and have no
desire to put on the brakes. And we need to do the work to put thoughtfulness
out into the world, uncomfortable as it may be, difficult as it may be to see
the good in situations that frustrate—even pain—us. Doing so stretches us, not
to a breaking point, but to a growing point. There can be no growth without
stress and we should care what energy (for lack of a better word) we thrust
into the universe from our heads. We should want to have all the information
before deciding what we believe about important issues, and we should want to
be able to change what we believe when, and if, more information comes to light
to challenge our beliefs.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk76237889;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">Otherwise, we are
simply stagnating, and that doesn’t help anyone.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk76237889;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">If the thought of
engaging people you know and care about on difficult issues fills you with
dread, I have outlined an exercise below that can serve as a handy “warm-up” to
in-person discussions. What have you got to lose? Feel free to try it once or a
few times, then post a comment about your experience.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk76237889;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">If this sounds
scary, you can prepare yourself beforehand by simply seeking out books or other
sources extolling beliefs and attitudes with which you disagree, and exploring
them while alone. Practice hearing, watching, or reading the info and just
listening instead of objecting. Try putting yourself in the speaker’s shoes and
trying to understand why they believe the way they do. Even if you fail at
understanding their point of view fully, you have stretched your abilities to
withstand concepts with which you disagree.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk76237889;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">Then put the book
down and go for a walk outside (shoot for 20 minutes, uninterrupted). I suggest
a familiar place, so you can think about what you just read or watched instead
of having to think about where you need to turn or worrying about getting lost.
Leave your phone and headphones behind. Let your thoughts flow through your
head without trying to dam them up or divert them away. Just let them come. If
you are feeling angry or frustrated by what you consumed, ask yourself why. If
you are confused, then <i>allow yourself to be confused</i> as your feet move
you through the space; the rhythm of walking on a path is often a balm for
soothing confusion.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk76237889;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">I often talk to
myself, out loud, as I take these “debriefing” walks. It helps me to hear
myself asking questions, even if I cannot answer them right then. If I’m
especially perturbed by the content I just explored, the first few moments as I
process angrily probably look super weird to my neighbors. But I’m too old to
care.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk76237889;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"></span></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk76237889;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjbPaoEJccxboXwQlREf-FSmszCHegbPOtSX82x45NphBiY3_9tAYUhIAABzcd0YThAfrbOSwHj1MmXkr7iaBROBVrJD3a2TjItw4c1dcQ2Z1-OppRdcTjV7bX1leWocuxyhPTc3F_LZ7uV/s400/treetops+small.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="400" data-original-width="300" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjbPaoEJccxboXwQlREf-FSmszCHegbPOtSX82x45NphBiY3_9tAYUhIAABzcd0YThAfrbOSwHj1MmXkr7iaBROBVrJD3a2TjItw4c1dcQ2Z1-OppRdcTjV7bX1leWocuxyhPTc3F_LZ7uV/s320/treetops+small.jpg" /></a></span></span></div><span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk76237889;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><br />Are you a runner?
You may be inclined to process by going for a run instead of a walk. Try to
squelch that impulse and just walk instead. Walking after such a mental (and
often emotional) exercise is actually better than running, because running will
raise your heart rate and your breathing and will, in itself, become a
diversion. And this outing is NOT about diversion. It is about processing while
moving in a calibrated way. Movement dissipates stress, and all you need right
now is to reset slightly while not avoiding the discomfort of thought. You will
find that your swirling thoughts will settle themselves as your feet push you
forward. The rhythm of your movement will begin to have an impact on the rhythm
of your thoughts, and you will feel the discomfort melting.<o:p></o:p></span></span><p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk76237889;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">You will likely
return from your walk without having adopted the view of the speaker or writer
you imbibed 20 minutes earlier. No problem! Adopting their viewpoint was NOT
the purpose of exposing yourself to that POV, or the walk afterward. However,
if, once you arrive back home, you are still “fired up” and even more
entrenched in your prior beliefs, then you still have a few questions to
answer. It’s fine to put them aside for a bit if you need to attend to other
pursuits, but <s>allow</s> make yourself return to them later.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk76237889;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">(It’s unlikely that
one reading/video followed by one 30-minute walk would change your worldview
completely. If it does, so be it—you probably already had your doubts and
that’s fine. My point is that you should not consider this exercise a failure,
regardless of what you end up believing as you remove your walking shoes.)<o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk76237889;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">Ask yourself
questions in the continuing days, too. Don’t push them away. They are an
important part of coming back into your comfort zone slowly.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk76237889;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">Now, when the
opportunity for a potentially uncomfortable conversation in person arises, you
will be less likely to avoid it, and you may very well feel confident enough to
start it. This is a huge step in personal growth and you should be very proud
of yourself.<br /><br /><o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<span style="font-family: verdana;"><span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk76237889;"></span>
</span><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: small;"><b>*This does not apply if you are in any true physical danger. You must advocate for your physical safety (remember, discomfort is not the same as physical danger, though it will often manifest in our physical bodies). Do not have these conversations with someone who has physically, verbally, or emotionally abused you or threatens to become violent (talk to a therapist instead). </b></span></p>Mailey E. McLaughlin, M.Ed.http://www.blogger.com/profile/06433597895952071846noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-793148027282086402.post-57560845322103622292019-11-11T18:09:00.001-05:002020-01-17T12:56:38.472-05:00Are You a Control Freak?<div class="MsoNormal">
If you have an untrained puppy or dog at home, you need to
become one.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>The more variables you can control in a situation, the
more successful you and your puppy/dog will be.<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><br /></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>Laissez-faire</i> might be good for market stability
somewhere, but it doesn’t work for raising a dog to be a well-behaved member of
your family. Dogs and puppies, when left to their own devices, by and large will
not make the choices you want them to make.*<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgVJd_4dnCV0IX7zegXqv_1pa4HAbBQ3vox23iD3Dl874iItVEAAcW5QeTcagcAk_fvc24d-be4IygALx3Cz9vqgLFa_sxHRGxQEkr4ruQwK5Oj8gMJTgIb48ul3JbtF23kKhbkTR7uDT2R/s1600/IMG_2313.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgVJd_4dnCV0IX7zegXqv_1pa4HAbBQ3vox23iD3Dl874iItVEAAcW5QeTcagcAk_fvc24d-be4IygALx3Cz9vqgLFa_sxHRGxQEkr4ruQwK5Oj8gMJTgIb48ul3JbtF23kKhbkTR7uDT2R/s320/IMG_2313.JPG" width="240" /></a></div>
Taking control of your relationship is necessary, humane,
and happiness-inducing. It may produce whining, moaning, tantrums, and
avoidance. But once you buck up and stop whining, moaning, throwing tantrums,
and avoiding the responsibility, you will be on the path to greatness with your
canine companion. <span style="font-family: "segoe ui emoji" , sans-serif; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-char-type: symbol-ext; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-symbol-font-family: "Segoe UI Emoji";">😊</span><br />
<br />
Thanks for laughing at my joke. In truth, your dog may whine about and avoid
your attempts to control, especially if he has had too much freedom until now. (<a href="http://www.poochprofessor.com/A_FreshStart.html">This is why I always
recommend starting with more structure when the dog enters your life and
gradually granting more freedom when he has earned it.</a> Are you finally
listening?)<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
For example: If you haven’t previously crate-trained him,
and you begin the process, it may not be pretty. It may be noisy. He may tap
into your emotions and fiddle with your sappy, bleeding heart. This can be
difficult to endure, but it is indeed endurable—for both of you.** <a href="http://www.poochprofessor.com/A_CrateIsGreat.html">My article <i>The
Crate is Great</i> can help your reluctant dog enjoy his space.</a><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
If you stop allowing him on furniture where he was allowed previously,
you might experience some pushback. It won’t be easy to keep him off. It won’t
be a cinch to get him to leave the couch or bed once he has snuck up on it. But
if it is what he needs, you will calmly persevere.***<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Until your puppy or dog is trained, you need to be able to
control where he goes, when he goes there, and what he does when there. We use
structure to get that control, and it allows us to set the dog up for success.
Once he has mastered some fundamentals, we can relinquish some control because
he is capable of making better decisions. The more he learns and becomes
proficient at, the less control we need to exert over him.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="background: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 107%;">"Liberty means
responsibility. That is why most men dread it." ~George Bernard Shaw<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
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How can you use structure to gain control? Let’s talk about
tools that can help you.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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<b>First, control freedom inside the home, to prevent
accidents and destruction. <o:p></o:p></b></div>
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<b><br /></b></div>
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Use a crate. Use tethering. Use gates. Use a dragline. The
pros all do it. Copy us.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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<a href="https://atlantahumane.org/5-things-you-didnt-know-you-needed-to-do-for-your-new-dog-or-puppy/#.Xcdg6FdKiUk">CRATES—when
you are not actively watching your puppy or dog, he should be in his crate.</a>
<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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<a href="https://atlantahumane.org/5-things-you-didnt-know-you-needed-to-be-doing-for-your-new-dog-or-puppy/#.XcdfOldKiUk">TETHERS
and DRAGLINES—having the dog attached to something or dragging a line helps you
with control</a>. These should be used only when you are home and can supervise.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjvILOqw3ep0u0xs1JJw6O5s7IpVC_GGLjLhARaxEK34hNibpu1fnEm3mKQKOW0JJ0_3lL1nA3VxAhz1RR8X-xBe4adiBJppCP9vlpjTdqbTdbYzWK7yJlFkTHGXntX2hW8XNXlGuHA5RRN/s1600/tether.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="661" data-original-width="812" height="162" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjvILOqw3ep0u0xs1JJw6O5s7IpVC_GGLjLhARaxEK34hNibpu1fnEm3mKQKOW0JJ0_3lL1nA3VxAhz1RR8X-xBe4adiBJppCP9vlpjTdqbTdbYzWK7yJlFkTHGXntX2hW8XNXlGuHA5RRN/s200/tether.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Tethering helps with supervision</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
GATES—use baby gates to set boundaries and control the dog’s
access to rooms or areas where he should remain, or stay out of. Walk-through
gates are easiest to use. NOTE: smart dogs can learn to scale baby gates or
push them over. Use them only when you are home until you know if he will try;
crates <i>tend</i> to be safer containment areas, but exceptions do occur. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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<b>Next, control interactions with the dog and humans.<o:p></o:p></b></div>
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<b><br /></b></div>
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What does this look like? If you imagined it to be yelling
at the dog to stop doing X, or physically “showing him who is boss” by hitting,
shoving his nose in his waste, or body-slamming him, forget that crap. It’s
counterproductive and we know better now.<br />
<br />
Speak in your normal voice. Stand up straight unless you are inviting the dog
into your space for a snuggle. Teach one-word commands and stick to them; dogs don’t
understand long paragraphs. Be consistent and clear—the dog’s comprehension of
our strange world depends on clarity and consistency.<br />
<br />
In many household situations, you don’t even need commands. Dogs are excellent
at paying attention to the things that matter to them. They are reading us all
the time and learn quickly what certain gestures, ways of moving, and events
mean. It doesn’t take but a few repetitions for the dog to learn that the sound
of keys means you are about to walk out the door; the sound of the can lid
popping, the refrigerator opening, or the microwave dinging signals food being
prepared; even the sound of the toilet flushing signals something to the dog.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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With a bit of practice, you holding his food bowl means sit,
and eventually lie down and wait. You moving toward him means back up, please,
or move aside. You pointing at a nearby bed means “go there and remain until I
release you.” You patting your leg means “walk right here with me.”<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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Teaching the dog to do these things takes a bit of practice, but it's not difficult, and it makes sense to the dog.<br />
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEisPYrQmcQExy7pbApdY40-9LkXH0zqrQ0BIQaXK_Rutuj8cy_AvAw36QQae5L0sCO0zGCYDWp6RMrLyG2rEnUQrwlQPeqQ0msWzsw2yPlQ159SY4ly6zM6NK13o4Ds0K6bGa5Z4jlQE4ux/s1600/leadership.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="378" data-original-width="300" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEisPYrQmcQExy7pbApdY40-9LkXH0zqrQ0BIQaXK_Rutuj8cy_AvAw36QQae5L0sCO0zGCYDWp6RMrLyG2rEnUQrwlQPeqQ0msWzsw2yPlQ159SY4ly6zM6NK13o4Ds0K6bGa5Z4jlQE4ux/s320/leadership.jpg" width="253" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Learning to wait at doors is crucial</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
It can take several forms, but the leadership protocol I’ve been using for years that works
very well is having the dog perform a command before he is given something of
value to him. This way, he sees that the things he wants and enjoys are rewards
for his behavior towards you or other humans. Before you put down his food
bowl, or open the door to let him into the yard, or put his leash on, or allow
him on the furniture, or give him affection, you should have him sit, or lie
down, or stay, or come to you, or even perform a trick occasionally. You can
use any command or behavior the dog knows. I like to make the sit the default
command for all “life rewards,” and then as the dog learns more commands, I “raise
the bar” and ask him for harder things for the rewards he finds more valuable,
like food.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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Another way to control the interactions is to make sure you
aren’t rewarding pushy behaviors like darting out of the crate, shoving a toy
on you for play, banging into you when playing, putting teeth on you when
playing, refusing to move out of your way or get off furniture when told, or grabbing
food in any context. Don’t allow the dog to do these things and make him
getting the things he wants contingent on his calm choices like sitting, lying
down, coming happily when called, and ceding space to you.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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<b>Next, control your dog’s freedom outdoors.<o:p></o:p></b></div>
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<b><br /></b></div>
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Use securely fenced yards, leashes, boundary training, recall
training, and pack-relevance training to teach your dog that you are worth
being paid attention to, even in the exciting outdoors. Freedom needs to be
earned. Far too many people make assumptions about what their puppy or dog will
or won’t do outdoors in unsecured places. Don’t make assumptions. Dogs are good
until the day that they are not. The only thing that gets you solid off-leash
reliability is repetitive training with valuable rewards for compliance and eventually, well-timed corrections for non-compliance.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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You must make coming to you, staying near you, and keeping
you in sight more rewarding for the dog than dashing off, running away, playing
with other dogs, chasing cars or prey, or doing whatever feels good in the
moment. And dogs are all about what feels good in the moment!<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="color: red;"><b>Until your dog has had enough training to show that he
understands what is expected, especially in the face of distractions, he cannot be trusted off-leash in unsecured
environments. Period. There’s a razor-thin line between safety and sadness.</b></span><o:p></o:p><br />
<span style="color: red;"><b><br /></b></span>
Most young puppies don’t have the confidence to stray far
from us, so people tend to get cocky and complacent when they acquire a pup at
7-8 weeks and it follows them everywhere, even outside. Up until about 16-18
weeks, most puppies don’t want to be far from us. But as they reach 16-18
weeks, they start to gain more confidence and want to see the world. If you
have good recall training on board before that happens, excellent! Now it will
be put to the test as you practice EVERYWHERE, ON LEASH, for the next several
months.</div>
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<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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You may <i>want </i>your puppy or dog to have off-leash
freedom before he is ready, but what he <i>needs</i> is a lot of preparation. You
don’t get to choose <i>what</i> he needs and your <i>wants</i> do not override
his needs.<o:p></o:p><br />
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgSEfhqoDbi9NRbyRVdHXQSgU0CA_DF1AK53lqi5FlPG66iDu3MfxxOqz2PG3-VcFJBzEQ_Kem-U-17gdnRu7hMUQVl9UhlBjunpaQe_-JHsbxBr4pr0KQhqPzjL1QU1r4qHSBraj_M7tye/s1600/Licoricerun.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="939" data-original-width="636" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgSEfhqoDbi9NRbyRVdHXQSgU0CA_DF1AK53lqi5FlPG66iDu3MfxxOqz2PG3-VcFJBzEQ_Kem-U-17gdnRu7hMUQVl9UhlBjunpaQe_-JHsbxBr4pr0KQhqPzjL1QU1r4qHSBraj_M7tye/s320/Licoricerun.jpg" width="216" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">No matter how friendly your dog actually <br />
is, he should never be allowed to charge <br />
up to people on the street</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<b>If your dog runs up to people and/or dogs when he is off-leash, and you cannot prevent this, or at the very least call him back with one command, he should not be off-leash. This is rude and someone is going to get hurt. Leashed dogs do NOT appreciate being approached by off-leash dogs, and neither do their owners. Many of these owners are trying to work on leash skills and your cries of "it's OK, he's friendly!" are as helpful as a screen door on a submarine. You are allowing YOUR wants to mess up the training others are trying to accomplish--training you neglected to do. Leash your dog. <a href="http://www.poochprofessor.com/A_NewLeash.html" target="_blank">Plus, it's the law, for good reason.</a></b></div>
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<br /></div>
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If your puppy or dog is the clingy
type, you may have tried a few scenarios where he was allowed freedom and he
never strayed far from you, or came back easily. You might have even done this
multiple times, and have concluded that “he would never run away.” Believing
this is folly and folly can lead to heartbreak in seconds. Even the “Velcro”
dog needs lots of recall training because these dogs tend to be a bit anxious
and when the chips are down, if they panic and bolt, it won’t always be in your
direction. Also, do you know what your dog will do if a deer, snake, or bear
appears in the woods when you are hiking with him off-leash? If you cannot
answer that definitively, he isn’t ready to be off-leash.<o:p></o:p><br />
<br />
<b>What about taking your dog to the dog park?</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
This subject is long enough for a completely separate post, but I want to take a stab at it here because dog parks have become so ubiquitous. You probably aren't going to like what I have to say, but please bear with me here.<br /><br />Dog parks are <b>chock full of uncontrollable variables</b>, which by now should be a red flag to you. Dogs must be off-leash in these parks for their own safety. So, strike 1 against the untrained dog: he is basically uncontrollable once that leash is off. Strike 2 is that not only is he uncontrollable, but he is in "Disney World for dogs who love other dogs": a place of unbridled hedonism where humans have very little authority. Playing with other dogs is highly rewarding to most pet dogs<span style="color: red;"><b>²</b></span>, and when the things your dog loves come with no supervisional strings attached, you become less relevant to the dog.<br /><br />The fact that your dog seems to be super happy during your trips to the dog park and comes home super tired are irrelevant because you are teaching your dog that the BEST THING is barely attached to you. This lesson is not lost on your dog. He learns through proper structure and training that rewards are contingent on behaviors--a necessary lesson--and then every day, or twice a week, or however often you cart him to the park, he learns that <i>there are exceptions to this rule</i>. How many other exceptions might there be? Do you want him to test this theory? I don't. And you shouldn't, either.<br />
<br />
"A tired dog is a good dog" is pretty much true, but <i>how your dog gets tired matters</i>. And if you like him tired because it means you don't have to do much with him, then you need to ask yourself why you have a dog. Seriously.<br />
<br />
Is the dog park meeting your dogs needs? You may think the answer is yes, but when you look at the dogs <b>actual needs</b>, can you answer the question the same way?<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.poochprofessor.com/A_DogParks.html" target="_blank">This article explains why I am leery of dog parks</a>. I wrote it long enough ago that it doesn't even touch on the idea of how your dog gets tired matters, but the short version of that is this: allowing your dog to tire himself physically in an activity uncontrolled by humans means he isn't getting much mental stimulation (if any) at the dog park, and while some learning is taking place (he is learning how to interact with other dogs), some of this learning could actually be detrimental. He could be learning how to bully other dogs, for instance. How would you control that? It's something to think about.<br />
<br />
Remember: you don’t get to choose <i>what</i> your dog needs, and your <i>wants</i> do not override his needs.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-size: large;">The more variables you can control in a situation, the
more successful you and your puppy/dog will be.</span><o:p></o:p></b></div>
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<b><br /></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This “Mailey’s Maxim” applies <b>even to public situations where
your dog will be on a leash</b>, such as public parks, restaurants, your kid’s
soccer practice, stores that allow dogs, hiking trails, and fairs/festivals.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
All of these environments come with something we haven’t yet
touched on: largely <i>uncontrollable variables</i> like people, other dogs
(both on and off-leash), and distractions of both the exciting kind (“someone
just dropped a hotdog!”) and the frightening kind (traffic, large crowds, loud
noises).<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Put dogs in environments with fewer distractions until they are
trained and have shown that they can handle themselves well. Use these environments
to train them and prepare them for more distracting environments later. Add
distractions incrementally to inoculate them for real-world situations. Quit on
a positive note (earlier than you wanted to) and come back to it after hours or
even a day or more. Use rewards that are commensurate with the level of
difficulty and use corrections properly.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Before taking your dog in public, ask yourself: How many
variables in this potential environment will I be able to control? If the
answer is less than half, few, or none, rethink your need to take your untrained
or partially-trained dog. If he must go, how can you set him up for success?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_s6yfS0bedtg3jU2WMHbaYg7WdsSM5s-dlOp5U5vrHkCm3WPF8fJI47_WEDN6vKnssQhyVMe8TBxSCNMpTW0wRuhrLD6zboO7VMUMxzIXyN4wGr9TLKTwcb2hhMwvlhFoszFYvZ2cl85c/s1600/heelcitystreet300.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="402" data-original-width="300" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_s6yfS0bedtg3jU2WMHbaYg7WdsSM5s-dlOp5U5vrHkCm3WPF8fJI47_WEDN6vKnssQhyVMe8TBxSCNMpTW0wRuhrLD6zboO7VMUMxzIXyN4wGr9TLKTwcb2hhMwvlhFoszFYvZ2cl85c/s320/heelcitystreet300.jpg" width="238" /></a>The more training he has, the more environments he can
handle well. Good socialization is about preparing your dog for the types of
environments he is likely to encounter in his lifetime, which include people,
other animals, traffic, noises, hotdogs falling on the ground unexpectedly, and
the like.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Let me give you some examples:<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
When you <b>take a walk in your neighborhood</b>, you will
generally have more control over variables than when you take your dog to the
local park or the fairgrounds for a festival. Why? You know the area, and so
does your dog. You are more comfortable, and therefore will not trigger the dog’s
anxieties. Is dog trained to walk nicely on leash? That definitely helps. You probably
know neighbors and what dogs they have, how many kids you are likely to see, traffic
and noise.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Is your neighborhood teeming with uncontrollable variables
like off-leash dogs and lots of kids playing? Go at a quieter time of day or
night if you can.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
When you <b>take your dog in the car to a place that allows
dogs to come inside</b>, you are still able to control some of the variables,
like where the dog rides in the car (restrain in a crate or harness, please),
and where you go in the store itself. If it’s a store you know, and your dog
has been before, your chances are better. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But it could present several variables beyond your control,
such as the Marauders, other dogs who are not so well-behaved, and chances for
you to become distracted.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiWNu5fcW3iJOJajPLwMxc53iXnR8OsuTaF-wBVTwbLcQIHM8rfgmN9FCHi8W6vO2onB64tkg9x2uyDDNSC4AyUatM3x99xSwDTiJ7smDpYaEfv1KTXY8uxhOikzogVnuPh8igGSbx-YNy8/s1600/20190704_120329.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiWNu5fcW3iJOJajPLwMxc53iXnR8OsuTaF-wBVTwbLcQIHM8rfgmN9FCHi8W6vO2onB64tkg9x2uyDDNSC4AyUatM3x99xSwDTiJ7smDpYaEfv1KTXY8uxhOikzogVnuPh8igGSbx-YNy8/s200/20190704_120329.jpg" width="150" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Practice inside a pet supply <br />
store can be risky because <br />
of marauders.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
There are people who cannot see a dog in a store, even in a
place where dogs commonly go, without making a gigantic fuss, following the dog
and human around, touching without consent (from owner or dog), invading you
and your dog’s space, and basically acting like they’ve never seen a dog
before. I call them the Marauders and I do my best to avoid them because they
scare my dogs and that puts me on edge. They are the main reason I don’t take
my personal dogs into many dog-friendly stores anymore—half the time, these
people work there!<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Sometimes Marauders have dogs with them, and sometimes not.
Sometimes, other people’s dogs in the store are the Marauders, who strain at
the end of their retractable leashes trying to get to my dogs to play (or
something more sinister) and their hapless owners are half an aisle away, distracted,
or clueless.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Both of the above are uncontrollable variables that
untrained, partially-trained, or anxious/fearful dogs should not be exposed to
if at all possible. Marauders can screw up your dog’s confidence, or cause him
great anxiety, or set him back, or all of these.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>What about taking your leashed dog for a group hike, or
to a festival in the park?<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><br /></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
How many of variables in those environments do you think you can control?
Has your dog shown anxiety, aggression, or unpredictability around large crowds of people
and/or dogs? Then he is not ready!<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Even the dog who loves everyone and everything is at risk of
being overwhelmed and backsliding as the potential for lots of people in
not-a-lot-of-space increases. Marauders abound, and even your super-friendly
dog has limits. Don’t push it. Protect your dog from uncontrollable variables for
which he has not been prepared until you can train him to tolerate or enjoy
those situations.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjbMQFTqecIdX1FXXEtWhd2JXb_JFjwSMxFjE3Q18MWglY_1_J9oW1lhdNJXAeYsFTFmZfjzrDDq-GBNkhou2S-ZvmLq-5V6b_rd9bMpW6M49uqMg07_qlw6mfeo9zvaOwlgts2nxL50GJZ/s1600/calm.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="150" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjbMQFTqecIdX1FXXEtWhd2JXb_JFjwSMxFjE3Q18MWglY_1_J9oW1lhdNJXAeYsFTFmZfjzrDDq-GBNkhou2S-ZvmLq-5V6b_rd9bMpW6M49uqMg07_qlw6mfeo9zvaOwlgts2nxL50GJZ/s200/calm.JPG" width="200" /></a>How long will this take? It depends on several factors,
including your dog’s innate temperament, his age, his breed (to some extent),
how long you have had him, whether or not he sees you as a leader, his current
habits, what he already knows, his distractability, the training tools you use,
and your access to training opportunities and your willingness to put in the
time.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
In short, assume months and even years in some situations—not
hours and days. Put the work in and get professional help if you need it. The
payout is priceless, and you will both be enriched by the process.<br />
<br />
The better trained your dog is, the less of a control freak you need to be.<br />
<br />
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
*Do exceptions exist? Sure. Some dogs are just easier to
raise than others. Some people have never used a crate and swear they haven’t
ever used any other structural devices and ended up with a fine dog. It is
certainly possible, but is it probable? No. Those people are the exceptions,
not the rule.<br />
<br />
**Some dogs cannot abide being in a crate when their humans
are gone. They can easily escape, or will attempt to, and can injure themselves
in the process, which we do not want. In some cases, they can be desensitized
to the crate and learn to tolerate it, and in other cases, this doesn’t work
and an alternative method of containment must be used.<br />
<br />
***Whether or not dogs are allowed on your furniture is a
personal choice on some level. If you don’t want them up there, don’t allow it
from the get-go. They will adapt just fine. If you want them to be able to get
on the furniture, that’s fine too, as long as they know the rules: they need to
be invited, for the most part, and when they are told to remove themselves from
the furniture, they do so without complaint, and quickly. If they cannot, they
should not be allowed up. Stopping access to furniture is one way to curtail
freedom and may or may not be a necessary part of your dog learning better
behavior in your home.<br />
<br />
<span style="color: red;">²</span> There are plenty of dogs who do not like dog parks. The reasons can be that they don't like playing with strange dogs, they don't like large groups of dogs, they are uncomfortable with the energy of the park, they prefer the company of dogs they know or humans, they have been injured or scared in dog parks, and more. If your dog doesn't like dog parks and doesn't have fun there, stop going. You are definitely not meeting his needs, and you could be messing him up.<br /><br />Not sure if he is having fun at the park? Consult a reputable trainer to assess this.<br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
Mailey E. McLaughlin, M.Ed.http://www.blogger.com/profile/06433597895952071846noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-793148027282086402.post-17927143893730054562019-04-30T00:11:00.001-04:002019-05-06T09:17:06.546-04:00The Law of (Un)Intended Benefits<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Everyone has heard of unintended consequences. You perform
an action for a particular purpose, but you gain something that you did not
expect, and possibly do not want. For example, recently in the news was a story
about a Texas woman who put a large sticker on her car disparaging the
President. The wording on the sticker was quite profane. A sheriff noticed it,
took a photo, and posted it on Facebook, where it went viral. Due to the
notoriety of the viral photo, the owner of the car was soon being sought by the
police…but not for the sticker. It turns out that she had a standing warrant
for her arrest on different (non-violent) charges, and now that she was in the
spotlight, she was soon taken into custody for that warrant.</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdJv49XofcYoNyZ395DOd8-Oco3Z4VzArDzH_7CGza4fmaoo61PT9sNOKZjUvwTGTpk11QoZIYXiJ-VvvbwhIB7ylrRleS46ohAx2l7Ox1SkRq7j9ybgG8l7xMkEibyNOeFdjlT5KtoXvt/s1600/bumper.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="168" data-original-width="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdJv49XofcYoNyZ395DOd8-Oco3Z4VzArDzH_7CGza4fmaoo61PT9sNOKZjUvwTGTpk11QoZIYXiJ-VvvbwhIB7ylrRleS46ohAx2l7Ox1SkRq7j9ybgG8l7xMkEibyNOeFdjlT5KtoXvt/s1600/bumper.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The sticker in question, profanity redacted.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">She wanted to draw attention to herself with the sticker,
I’m sure. But I doubt she wanted <b>that particular type of attention</b>. That is an example of
unintended consequences.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Pet owners experience the <i>Law of Unintended Consequences</i>
quite a bit, mostly because pet training is something the average owner only takes
partly seriously, but the pets take quite literally. You give your dog a bite
of food from your fork when he barks at you during dinner. You think, “Just
this once won’t hurt.” <b>But “just this once” is not a concept dogs understand—at
all.</b> And unless you never, ever repeat your error, the dog will bark at you and
expect the food at every meal for quite a while before he gives up. The chances
are pretty good that you, or someone with whom you live, will give the dog a
bite from the table (or will reward him <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">in
some other way</i> for barking during a meal) at some point before he stops
trying. That 2<sup>nd</sup> time will seal the deal for the dog, and now you
have an obnoxious behavior that you created and have to fix (humanely,
please—it’s not <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">his</i> fault <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">you</i> made a mistake).<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">The flip side of the Law of Unintended Consequences is that
it works in positive ways, too. The unintended consequence can often be
beneficial to the recipient in ways they never expected.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Let’s take the “heel” command, for example. “Heel” is a command
that tells the dog where to walk in relation to you, on or off leash. It
typically requires the dog to be on<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>the
handler’s left side, with his shoulder even with the handler’s knee, and the
leash must be loose. It’s a useful command for a number of reasons, one of
which is that it eliminates pulling on leash because a dog cannot be heeling
and pulling simultaneously.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">NOTE: pulling on a tight leash is natural and normal for
most dogs. Additionally, humans often make the problem worse by rewarding it! Heeling
is not natural or normal to dogs, so it must be taught. Teaching a solid heel
is not the only way to control pulling on leash, but it is an incredibly effective way.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">But “heel” has a lot of unintended* benefits. In addition to
stopping the pulling, it:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .25in;">
</div>
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Teaches the dog to allow the
handler to be in control during the walk; human in control = safety</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Teaches the dog to withstand
frustration (walking in a line at a human’s pace is boring for most dogs)</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Teaches the human better leash
handling skills so as not to confuse the dog</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Delivers mental stimulation, which
many dogs lack, because it takes a lot of mental energy to perform at first, and requires the dog to think</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Amplifies the bond between dog and
handler; and, most importantly,</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Teaches the dog to pay better
attention to the handler during an activity where most dogs want to pay
attention to <b>everything BUT the handler</b></span></li>
</ul>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .25in;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">
</span><o:p></o:p></span>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgi8hgh0G_uTg2HBiOafMgZqWPsOEk_9jeqZLSD_UV1-Y7yvLzDVuZVcSAAMTvW4XGytfD9QXqOdGi1dt1YnyeJmpcgnAPlYe3XGLTEy0fjBms6bTEPxt7m8d_xNSzu8_Gn0FVvPLpu4IRM/s1600/Heelcars300.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="434" data-original-width="300" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgi8hgh0G_uTg2HBiOafMgZqWPsOEk_9jeqZLSD_UV1-Y7yvLzDVuZVcSAAMTvW4XGytfD9QXqOdGi1dt1YnyeJmpcgnAPlYe3XGLTEy0fjBms6bTEPxt7m8d_xNSzu8_Gn0FVvPLpu4IRM/s320/Heelcars300.jpg" width="221" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">A dog at heel is safer around cars</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Think about it: during a typical walk, how much of your
dog’s attention is focused on you? Zero? That sounds about right. There’s so
much to see and do and explore! The dog has very little need to pay attention
to his handler, who is basically a dead weight at the other end of the leash.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Wouldn’t it be amazing if your dog paid more attention to
you than anything else when you asked him to? It would solve pretty much every
problem that leashes create (pulling, barking, lunging, dragging, tripping you,
eating trash on the path, going after other dogs, etc.). The dog would get more
walks, which would benefit you both. Both of you would enjoy your walks.
Believe it or not, all of this is still true even if, after the dog is trained
to heel, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">you don’t even use the heel
command for most of the walk</i>!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">In short, teaching a solid heel teaches your dog to pay more
attention to you. That’s its actual purpose. The unintended benefits are better leash
manners, no more pulling/dragging/tripping/etc, and happier walks. But the fact
that the dog now pays more attention to you when on walks supplies even more
benefits. It deepens your bond. It improves the recall (“come”) command. It
prevents accidents. It improves the dog’s (and your) confidence. Controlled walks are also less annoying to people you might pass on the street, and a dog in a nice heel helps onlookers who might be nervous around dogs to relax. (Yes, there are plenty of people who are afraid of dogs, even your sweet one. They deserve to walk down the street, or work in their yards, and not worry that they'll be molested by dogs walking their people.)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Heel may seem like a lot of work to get your dog to walk
nicely on leash, and indeed there are other ways of creating a loose leash
without it. But most of those ways will not give you the attention that “heel”
does. And when you look at all the (un)intended benefits of this command, it
makes it infinitely more appealing and worth your time.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Now, at this point, you may be saying, “but I don’t care if
my dog pays attention to me on a walk. I want him to enjoy the walk!”<br /></span><br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEinEJ6zabMtzJ5_rVencPwfg1tFZs_62DU-WmxmR3BPYRER2EoYwIPcqWE2CC1BJJEWHDog_q-rYAIJrX_GsuIkwuEGEuwMHqodXq9gZoQj5jKWfPshf6PgSk_VpSBcLYZHyVvynUm-TDW-/s1600/leasharm250.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="276" data-original-width="250" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEinEJ6zabMtzJ5_rVencPwfg1tFZs_62DU-WmxmR3BPYRER2EoYwIPcqWE2CC1BJJEWHDog_q-rYAIJrX_GsuIkwuEGEuwMHqodXq9gZoQj5jKWfPshf6PgSk_VpSBcLYZHyVvynUm-TDW-/s1600/leasharm250.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">A good "heel" would have prevented this tragedy</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Well, of course! Sniffing and exploring and engaging with the environment are
all part of the pleasure of walks, and they should be allowed. But they should
be allowed on <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">your</i> terms, not the
dog’s. When the dog gets to decide where to go and how fast to get there, your
arm gets ripped out of the socket and it’s no fun to walk the dog. And if your
dog has negative reactions to stimuli such as squirrels, cats, or other dogs on
a walk, teaching him to <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">attend to you
when he spots a distraction</b> not only solves your problem but lowers his
stress faster.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Do you really want to be a human sled? No? Then teach the
dog to allow you to control the walk, and his reward will be lots of time to
explore and sniff. Arms stay the same length, and everyone wins.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">The same is true of the “stay” command.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">I read somewhere recently that a training outfit did a
survey of dog training clients to ask them what commands they used most often at
home. The training outfit was trying to decide what commands were most
important to include in their training classes, given the short time frame.
They were a bit surprised to learn that “stay,” one of the mainstay commands
they’d been teaching forever, didn’t make the top 6. According to those polled,
“stay” was not a command many pet owners used at home regularly.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">I admit that I was as surprised by this result as they were.
I’ve been training people to train their dogs for over 2 decades, and “stay” is
part of my top 6. Its usefulness is blindingly apparent to me and many of my
seasoned colleagues. Perhaps the dog owners who answered the poll found it
difficult to teach. Perhaps they thought it was boring or unnecessarily
stressful for the dogs. Maybe they thought it was fine that their dogs were always stuck to them like needy shadows, and constantly underfoot (there are definitely people who inexplicably enjoy this annoying trait in their dogs and would feel hurt if their dogs stopped doing it.) Maybe there was a different command that worked better
than “stay.” Or perhaps they simply didn’t understand all the benefits of the
“stay” command. I’ll never know, because I was not involved in that poll and I
didn’t get to ask any questions about it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">But I remember wondering for a few seconds after reading those results if I was
putting too much emphasis on the “stay” command in my own classes and lessons.
I teach it in my Basic classes, and we really put it to the test in my
Intermediate classes, introducing serious, “real-world distractions” in
different environments. Was it a waste of time? Were my students even going to
use it?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Luckily, it only took me a few seconds to answer my own questions. Students may wonder why they need to teach "stay," but once you begin to implement the command, its usefulness is obvious.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">“Stay” tells the dog to remain in one position until
released by his handler. It’s pretty precise. And while there are several ways
to teach it, it is designed to be the “parking brake” for a dog.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">In their natural state, dogs like to move, to rove, to cover
ground, to explore. Sure, they relax, stop moving, and even sleep on their own,
but they rarely do so consciously when they would rather be doing something
else.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">“Stay” requires the dog to stop and hold a position,
regardless of time, distractions, or where the handler goes. The point is to
park the dog, which is often a necessity. But it has some unintended benefits,
as well. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .25in;">
</div>
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">It teaches frustration tolerance.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">It teaches relaxation.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">It teaches attention to the
handler over other stimuli.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">It teaches that the handler is
consistent, and will return, which helps with separation distress.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">But most importantly, since it is
not a natural thing for a human-centric dog to do (dogs are hardwired to follow
us around, and they generally get rewarded for this), it requires a decent
amount of mental strain to perform. It can even be a bit stressful, depending
on the distractions or the distance.</span></li>
</ul>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .25in;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="mso-list: l1 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; text-indent: -0.25in;">·<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l1 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l1 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l1 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="mso-list: l1 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Since some stress is required for a being to learn, the
stress of being told to “park it” near distractions and when the handler moves
away helps teach the dog to cope in a world full of distraction and potential
danger. It teaches discipline to a task that dogs do not purposefully perform in
their untrained state.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">The benefits of “stay” are numerous. I hope that the
training outfit who ran the poll figured out that they just needed to explain
these benefits better to their students, rather than move away from teaching
“stay” at all.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">These are just two of many examples of commands or exercises we teach that have multiple benefits to dogs and owners.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">We trainers explain lots of things to our clients. Due to
time constraints and other factors, we rarely have time to go as deeply into
explanation as I did in this post, so I hope it has helped you to understand
<a href="https://carpek9.blogspot.com/2017/07/it-works-when-you-work-it.html" target="_blank">why you should listen to your trainer,</a> first off, and how to find the value in
training exercises you might be inclined to put aside when training class has
ended.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">If your dog improved because of the exercises, then he needs you to continue
doing them. And here’s some other great news: he wasn’t the only one in your
relationship who was improved.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">*In reality, dog trainers are completely aware of the benefits I've listed here, and, for us, they are intended. But dog owners may be blind to the added benefits. So the term I really should be using is "unanticipated-by-the-end-user benefits." But that doesn't roll off the tongue, does it?</span></div>
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<br />Mailey E. McLaughlin, M.Ed.http://www.blogger.com/profile/06433597895952071846noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-793148027282086402.post-37465680146216684072019-04-09T01:04:00.001-04:002019-04-09T11:27:45.041-04:00Clarity and Contentment<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhh9-wxb1-OV8DssWMuMFPI4j17MxtFjiltclq5ZnSE8vXdseLH7FOw43nTDr22wbcnx6jV9iGxXhcqVoIrVCgsueEA3zGAaieM9r1wRTXxtJsuA94XGinR2gQSPoGn_NpHBp2N2DsS8dBv/s1600/Lassiecomicweb.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="255" data-original-width="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhh9-wxb1-OV8DssWMuMFPI4j17MxtFjiltclq5ZnSE8vXdseLH7FOw43nTDr22wbcnx6jV9iGxXhcqVoIrVCgsueEA3zGAaieM9r1wRTXxtJsuA94XGinR2gQSPoGn_NpHBp2N2DsS8dBv/s1600/Lassiecomicweb.jpg" /></a><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">A few weeks ago, my wife and I were visiting friends who have been married for over 2 decades. While one never really knows all the ins-and-outs of another couple’s relationship, my wife and I consider these two, who we have known for most of their relationship, to be in a solid partnership, and well-matched. As occasionally happens with companions who spend time together, we just happened to be visiting on a night where things seemed a bit “off” between our friends. We had a nice meal and a few drinks, but there was a mild tension in the air that all of us sensed. After dinner, we settled into some conversation, but it wasn’t long before my wife and I found ourselves the unwitting participants in a spat. We weren’t sure whether it would be best to say our goodbyes and leave them to their argument, or stay and make sure things remained civil. Our discomfort went mostly unnoticed by our hosts, who began to argue in earnest. Eventually we did make a retreat, and no blood was shed that night. In fact, the fight was actually over before we left—and we got to witness a main reason why communication is the glue of relationships.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">This is true no matter what species we are communicating with.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">No worthwhile relationship in which humans engage—friends, lovers, spouses, parent/child, boss/employee, teacher/student—exists without bumps and problems. People who have been together for long periods of time have made their partnerships work not because of an absence of problems, but because of an understanding of how to solve them. They stay together not because everything is hunky-dory all the time, but because when problems arise, they willingly deal with them, and find solutions. Just like dogs who are engaged in problem solving become more adept at it with practice, humans who refuse to shrink from their problems, and instead do the uncomfortable work of fixing (or at least exposing them), tend to have deeper, more lasting relationships.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">A dog trainer I highly respect said the following once (I’m paraphrasing): “Look, I get the allure of ‘all positive’ training. I wish I could train a dog without using anything but praise and treats and play. That would be lovely! But I cannot—because the dog isn’t getting all the information he needs to be successful, and I know it. I am not setting him up to succeed if I am purposefully leaving out the uncomfortable bits.”</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">All relationships have stumbling blocks and problems and stressors, but the way to keep the relationship humming is not to <i>avoid </i>the problems or pretend they do not exist, but to address them, break them down, and scatter them out in finer granules so that they may dissipate more easily. Clarity fixes so many issues. No relationship worthy of having can exist in a communication vacuum. Just as dogs require clarity to succeed, our relationships do, too. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Humans and dogs want to avoid conflict, but it’s not always possible. So we need to figure out ways to meet it head on and not shrink from it. Good dog trainers study and practice how to provide negative information in ways that will not scare the dog or cause him to give up completely. We can figure out how to accomplish this with the humans we care about, too. </span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiIpmxdZyX3vFm9nHxfC7CWDTmiL_aePLRem-axHHW79sTP9Q4uwfnqR-mF049WoWt2QaJ4iEZrACGLmLNuJNYhHItsdqgwBWIfZOr63R1gxTStiZBYuLfoEb66u9_TXkRqaQFKap31-4-B/s1600/P5280068.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1101" data-original-width="834" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiIpmxdZyX3vFm9nHxfC7CWDTmiL_aePLRem-axHHW79sTP9Q4uwfnqR-mF049WoWt2QaJ4iEZrACGLmLNuJNYhHItsdqgwBWIfZOr63R1gxTStiZBYuLfoEb66u9_TXkRqaQFKap31-4-B/s200/P5280068.JPG" width="151" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Every partnership has its stress points. These can vary over time, as we age and grow, or they can burrow in and remain constant, regardless of how the outside world changes around them. Some of us are so attached to our triggers that we just carry them from relationship to relationship like an old piece of luggage we can’t bear to give away.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Dogs engage in natural behaviors that we find unacceptable. In most of these cases, we can train alternative behaviors, or we can stop the dog from engaging in natural behaviors. The main reason to do the latter is for the dog's safety, or the safety of the humans around the dog. For example: resource guarding is a completely natural behavior to most dogs. It is normal for them to be selfish with resources, and sometimes, they feel the need to lash out at humans or other pets if they feel like those resources are being misappropriated. But they don't understand that their "protection" is often misplaced, and that it is rarely needed. They don't understand naturally that those resources aren't really theirs to begin with, either. (A balanced approach to training can alleviate this problem, and it needs to be alleviated because it gets people, especially children, seriously injured. Dogs lose their lives over it, too. It's serious, it rarely gets better without intervention, and it poses a danger. It must be addressed.) Furthermore, resource guarding creates stress for the dog--stress that can be avoided.</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh1SadySADHxNySGmKGOefHgmO5BvhHuXLXeWmyvmPWH9I8LDNJq0j1dvJs7VRewzmlYytorgpem6VB8u-a1_XP927K8VPI7WgeNYcBgFqfttJc9BfYezFsKMbkXJJ2VunYmrqcactVJECm/s1600/dig.gif" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="330" data-original-width="300" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh1SadySADHxNySGmKGOefHgmO5BvhHuXLXeWmyvmPWH9I8LDNJq0j1dvJs7VRewzmlYytorgpem6VB8u-a1_XP927K8VPI7WgeNYcBgFqfttJc9BfYezFsKMbkXJJ2VunYmrqcactVJECm/s320/dig.gif" width="290" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Dogs also have milder natural behaviors that "work" fine for them and are not unsafe, but often annoy us: excessive licking (of us or themselves); whining, some types of barking, endless noisemaking with their toys, following us everywhere, digging random holes, and needing to take 20 minutes to find the perfect pooping spot (and then another 5 to find the direction to face while doing their business). Often, these behaviors can be ignored. If these behaviors annoy us sufficiently, we will look for ways to eradicate them safely and humanely. If we are successful, both the human(s) and the dog win.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">If we are not successful, we must learn to live with these behaviors.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Similarly, there are always going to be “tics and fidgets” that irk you about your partners and friends. These are actions that your partner does that serve him or her in some way (meaning: they are not a problem to that person), but only serve to annoy you. Some of these are best ignored. If they are not dangerous or damaging to the relationship, you are probably going to be less frustrated by them if you just let them go. If you can’t do this, then the problem must be squarely owned and you must find a way to bring it up and air your frustrations. You may be successful doing so (e.g., your hubby or friend acknowledges that his nail biting habit could be seen as unhygienic, and you’d rather not witness it, so he changes his behavior to not do it in front of you), which will bring you peace, and the relationship thrives.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Sometimes, though, you will not be successful in changing the other person’s behavior. Then what? Can you ignore it? What will the end result be if you cannot? Will things eventually come to a head and boil over? This might actually be a good thing that will help you in the end. Airing grievances and exposing them to light does a couple of things. It communicates to the other person that someone is unhappy with his behavior, which allows him or her to make changes (“when we know better, we can do better”). It also can serve to put things in a different perspective for both parties, and this can help diminish some hurt feelings because when we fixate on problems, they grow in importance in our minds. Once we voice them, and especially if the other person acknowledges that we are frustrated, the problems lose some heft. This is what happened with our friends after dinner.</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqKXjbCWqA5SM2PJ8UswOKmlwgbxfhcurXkxXeISJS8vJc3Pb4ADdz7ACSPWtVuIX67F6iJtxTzOQRI3uxhXHMHrRAol9eDISg2BIGXZIvgqIysswv39u8WRuALK6ugIXjL1BQT26wslzB/s1600/Clarity.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1196" data-original-width="1077" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqKXjbCWqA5SM2PJ8UswOKmlwgbxfhcurXkxXeISJS8vJc3Pb4ADdz7ACSPWtVuIX67F6iJtxTzOQRI3uxhXHMHrRAol9eDISg2BIGXZIvgqIysswv39u8WRuALK6ugIXjL1BQT26wslzB/s320/Clarity.jpg" width="288" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">In my relationship with my dog, I cannot expect that it will be “all positive.” I need to be able to give my dog feedback, and some of that will be about things he does that I do not like. There is nothing wrong with doing this, even if the dog experiences some temporary discomfort, even stress, while receiving the information—especially if it is a dangerous or potentially dangerous behavior, and he is given instructions on how to make it disappear and not return in the future. The dog cannot understand how to behave unless he has experienced some negative consequences to his actions and been given appropriate ways to deal with those bumps.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">It doesn’t seem rational, then, when we are talking about people, to avoid having uncomfortable conversations, to kick the problematic can down the road forever, if we can solve them by rolling up our sleeves, bracing for discomfort, and pushing through it--kindly and fairly.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">(Now, sometimes the relationship is just not worth it, and you may make the decision to cut and run instead of buckling down. I’m not talking about those types of relationships, or toxic ones. For those, you must take care of yourself first.)</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">If you feel unequipped for how to do this uncomfortable work in a valuable relationship, or know that the other party may be unable to do the work (or even hear about it), I recommend professional help. Often, we are so close to our problems that we cannot see them clearly, and a professional is not as emotionally attached as we are. (You should feel no more ashamed of seeking professional help in dealing with relationship problems than you would seeking professional help in dealing with an appliance that ceased to run correctly, or seeking a pro to teach you how to play better tennis, ballroom dance, or help you train your dog. Having an unbiased observer can, in and of itself, help immensely in many ways--and a therapist or counselor is more than just an unbiased observer.)</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgl4Z9_KDRGn9M8HFmc0IbzA-BiSIMg6L0vH2ZnQeDEIrmyX15U22F4JCO0KH6AvkKA2NngkzFLZDiG3GwFKd4XqLkImQadWKam4fU5WsQ-RIHIw-FJ54REjgJHWwJUiDk0S4UT0HCHmYsG/s1600/happycoupleweb.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="278" data-original-width="150" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgl4Z9_KDRGn9M8HFmc0IbzA-BiSIMg6L0vH2ZnQeDEIrmyX15U22F4JCO0KH6AvkKA2NngkzFLZDiG3GwFKd4XqLkImQadWKam4fU5WsQ-RIHIw-FJ54REjgJHWwJUiDk0S4UT0HCHmYsG/s1600/happycoupleweb.jpg" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Before my wife and I were about to leave, our friends had a breakthrough. They were able to have it because they didn’t shy away from the discomfort. They both listened. They acknowledged fault. And they acknowledged gratitude, too, which is a very necessary part of ending an argument. As it turns out, there were misunderstandings on both ends. Clarity prevailed, though. The specks of what remained of their argument, exposed to the air, simply blew away.</span>Mailey E. McLaughlin, M.Ed.http://www.blogger.com/profile/06433597895952071846noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-793148027282086402.post-7593914364791148172018-05-14T20:06:00.000-04:002018-05-14T20:06:34.658-04:00Small Wins Create Big Change<br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span class="SHbodytext"><span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;"><span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;">Would you say your dog is smart, or dumb?</span></span></span><span class="SHbodytext"><span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Most of you will likely ans</span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">wer that he is smart, and you will beam with pride when doing so. You may be correct—he may be smart, or at least smart
enough. On the other hand, he may be as dumb as a box of rocks, and you might
not have any trouble admitting this truth. You love him either way, right? I mean, it’s not
like he needs to graduate from college or anything. Does it really matter?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span class="SHbodytext"><span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;"><span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;">Well, as far as this blog post is concerned, only in the sense of how much
patience you have to train him. Training doesn<span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;">’<span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;">t have to be difficult or time-consuming, but it can definitely be
frustrating someti<span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;">mes to try and communicate with an
entirely different species who has zero problems cleaning the most taboo parts
of his anatomy with the same tongue with which he licks your face each morning.<span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;"> It<span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;">’<span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;">s our job to communicate with them,
not their job to figu<span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;">re us out.</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><span class="SHbodytext"><span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span class="SHbodytext"><span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;"><span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;">So when we get to the work of training<span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;">, we are likely to get a bit frustrated and impatient at times, even with a normally smart dog. <span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;">Sometimes, things will go smoothly, and they will be fun. Other times,
it will seem like your dog is<span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;"> Dory from the movie “<span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;">Finding Nemo”: <span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;">a flighty fish with <span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;">zero short-term memory skills. <span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;">So, what do you focus on? <span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;">Class is in 2 days! The teacher and the other students will judge you,
and <span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;">assume you haven<span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;">’<span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;">t
even tried to do your homework (probably all in your head, but it<span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;">’<span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;">s a story that works for you right now).</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><span class="SHbodytext"><span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<div class="SH-Body-General" style="margin-bottom: 5.4pt;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span class="SHbodytext"><span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;"><span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;"><span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;"><span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;"><span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;"><span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;"><span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;"><span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;"><span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;"><span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;"><span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;"><span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;"><span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;"><span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;"><span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;"><br /></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhXkQPmPhcHJPeWIqySLb_BEgLrWmHXgpCKogVhlDKp8tMC-YZJgnNeT2YUL7EiOIPIBQKkyhgar-Jp9X05of6cO5VFAPVJm6pYNcV6e-_Iu5GEz4bl9XO5uif05_y9kYmRtMimNCmhmaj9/s1600/20151114_131943.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="900" data-original-width="1600" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhXkQPmPhcHJPeWIqySLb_BEgLrWmHXgpCKogVhlDKp8tMC-YZJgnNeT2YUL7EiOIPIBQKkyhgar-Jp9X05of6cO5VFAPVJm6pYNcV6e-_Iu5GEz4bl9XO5uif05_y9kYmRtMimNCmhmaj9/s320/20151114_131943.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">You can't expect a dog to be able to "stay" while you walk<br style="font-size: 12.8px;" /><span style="font-size: 12.8px;">away (and there are distractions) if he can't even do it with <br />you standing in front of him. </span><span style="font-size: 12.8px;">Start with small <br />steps and get big success.</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div style="text-align: right;">
</div>
<div class="SH-Body-General" style="margin-bottom: 5.4pt;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span class="SHbodytext"><span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;"><span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;">You feel as if you need to hurry, to do
more in less time, so that you can catch up to where you need to be. But t<span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;">he opposite may actually be true.</span></span></span></span><span class="SHbodytext"><span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<div class="SH-Body-General" style="margin-bottom: 5.4pt;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span class="SHbodytext"><span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;"><span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;"><span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;"><br /></span></span></span></span></span></div>
<div class="SH-Body-General" style="margin-bottom: 5.4pt;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span class="SHbodytext"><span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;"><span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;">In their most excellent book </span></span></span><span class="SHbodytextital"><span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;"><span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;"><i>Switch:
How to Change Things When Change is Hard</i></span></span></span><span class="SHbodytext"><span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;"><span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;">, authors Chip and Dan Heath
suggest breaking tasks down, especially tasks that involve helping people
change their minds<span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;"> (though it works with dogs)<span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;">, into doable chunks. They call it “<span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;">shrinking
the change.” Author Charles DuHigg also touts the importance of small wins in
his book </span></span></span></span></span></span><span class="SHbodytextital"><span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;"><span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;"><i>The Power of Habit</i></span></span></span><span class="SHbodytext"><span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;"><span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;">. “Small wins fuel transformative
changes by leveraging tiny advantages into patterns that convince people that
bigger achievements are possi<span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;">ble.”</span></span></span></span><span class="SHbodytext"><span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<div class="SH-Body-General" style="margin-bottom: 5.4pt;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span class="SHbodytext"><span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;"><span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;"><span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;"><br /></span></span></span></span></span></div>
<div class="SH-Body-General" style="margin-bottom: 5.4pt;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span class="SHbodytext"><span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;"><span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;">What does this mean for you, in this
moment, as you struggle with your hapless hound? </span></span></span><span class="SHbodytext"><span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<div class="SH-Body-General" style="margin-bottom: 5.4pt;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span class="SHbodytext"><span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;"><span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;"><br /></span></span></span></span></div>
<div class="bullethangingindent25" style="margin-bottom: 5.4pt;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span class="SHbodytext"><span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;"><span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;"><b>Incorporate small wins into your
training.</b> Slow down, and do less. Stop sooner. End with success. Are you
training <span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;">your<span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;"> dog in 30-minute sessions? <span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;">Why? Dogs can have short attention spans, too. Do several 3-5 minute
sessions per day. This way, <span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;">the dog gets to win at the game a
lot!</span></span></span></span></span></span></span><span class="SHbodytext"><span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<div class="bullethangingindent25" style="margin-bottom: 5.4pt;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span class="SHbodytext"><span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;"><span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;"><span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;"><span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;"><span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;"><span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;"><br /></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></div>
<div class="Fullindent25copyjustified" style="margin-bottom: 5.4pt;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span class="SHbodytext"><span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;"><span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;"><b>Take the tiny advantages the dog is
giving you and build patterns with the</b><span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;"><b>m. </b>Shrink the change, as it were.
Cut bigger steps into smaller pieces to make it easier for you and the dog to
get where you want to go.<span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;"> <span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;">In
training, we call it <span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;">“successive approximation.<span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;">” <span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;">Want an example? </span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></div>
<div class="Fullindent25copyjustified" style="margin-bottom: 5.4pt;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span class="SHbodytext"><span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;"><span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;"><span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;"><span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;"><span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;"><span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;"><span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;"><span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;"><br /></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></div>
<div class="Fullindent25copyjustified" style="margin-bottom: 5.4pt;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span class="SHbodytext"><span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;"><span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;"><span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;"><span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;"><span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;"><span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;"><span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;"><span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;"><span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;">Does
your dog rush past you to get out the door <span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;">first <span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;">when
you are headed out for a walk?<span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;"> You probably have no idea how to
stop this besides holding him back with <span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;">the leash. Certainly, doing this is
better than yelling at him, or allowing him to bowl you over, but it<span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;">’<span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;">s not teaching him to wait. </span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><span class="SHbodytext"><span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<div class="Fullindent25copyjustified" style="margin-bottom: 5.4pt;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span class="SHbodytext"><span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;"><span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;"><span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;"><span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;"><span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;"><span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;"><span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;"><span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;"><span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;"><span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;"><span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;"><span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;"><span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;"><span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;"><span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;"><br /></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></div>
<div class="bullethangingindent25">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Your dog may not be able to not rush out
the door right now, but can he sit for 5 seconds? Yes? Then you can fix this problem.
Put him on leash. Tell him to sit, and stand between him and the door. Open the
door a crack. Does he rise? Shut the door and make him sit again. Repeat
this a few times until he figures out that the door ain’t opening wide enough
for him to get through unless his bottom is on the ground. The next time you
open the door a crack and he doesn’t break the sit, reward heavily, and go out
the door. Start asking him to hold it longer and longer over time, and
eventually to look at you when it opens, and eventually to remain inside until
you walk out and call him. Voila! You have taken something the dog knows (a
5-second sit) and used it to teach him to wait at thresholds until invited out.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="bullethangingindent25">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjHkUJ8CeQ4qJb7kGle3K-ZsUFPZNSUKwH1iI0uLk8oDfVGCvOQqLWFAokLzhKh7t2mjnxZ7YpzbiITlCe48xzH8XhITazZycxFnASsOtwVLmqCmeJqgZmg4wGnGGQFpt9M0u8cPo6Kkqnx/s1600/Vegas.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjHkUJ8CeQ4qJb7kGle3K-ZsUFPZNSUKwH1iI0uLk8oDfVGCvOQqLWFAokLzhKh7t2mjnxZ7YpzbiITlCe48xzH8XhITazZycxFnASsOtwVLmqCmeJqgZmg4wGnGGQFpt9M0u8cPo6Kkqnx/s320/Vegas.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Want to teach your dog how to fetch? Great idea! <br />But if he isn't really interested in balls or toys, <br />you will need to create value in some items (or at <br />least one) before he will bring them to you happily.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="bullethangingindent25" style="margin-bottom: 5.4pt;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span class="SHbodytext"><span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;"><span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;"><b>Marry your long-term goal with
short-term critical moves.</b> Building trust now by giving the dog easy wins will
help you<span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;"> in the long run. Capturing the bits that
work will give you something to build on. Think of it as building the
foundation of the house, one board at a time.</span></span></span></span></span></div>
<div class="bullethangingindent25" style="margin-bottom: 5.4pt;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span class="SHbodytext"><span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;"><span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;"><span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;"></span></span></span></span></span><br /><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span class="SHbodytext"><span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;"><span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;"><span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;"></span></span></span></span></span></div>
<div class="bullethangingindent25" style="margin-bottom: 5.4pt;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span class="SHbodytext"><span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;"><span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;"><b><br /></b></span></span></span></span></div>
<div class="bullethangingindent25" style="margin-bottom: 5.4pt;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span class="SHbodytext"><span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;"><span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;"><b>Tweak the environment.</b> When a
situation changes, behavior changes. So change the situation. If you<span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;"> don’t seem to be making any progress, changing the environment can
make all the difference. Switch from indoors to out, from a large room to a
small one, from your regular training ground to someplace novel.</span></span></span></span></span></div>
<div class="bullethangingindent25" style="margin-bottom: 5.4pt;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span class="SHbodytext"><span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;"><span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;"><span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;"></span></span></span></span><span class="SHbodytext"><span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<div class="SH-Body-General" style="margin-bottom: 5.4pt;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">You can apply this to other areas of
life, too.</span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> Any task that seems formidable can be
made easier if broken into chunks. Changing the environment can change your
perspective.</span></div>
<div class="SH-Body-General" style="margin-bottom: 5.4pt;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span class="SHbodytext"><span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;"><span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;"><span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;"><br /></span></span></span></span></span></div>
<div class="SH-Body-General" style="margin-bottom: 5.4pt;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span class="SHbodytext"><span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;"><span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;">What if you are not trying to change <span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;">your dog<span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;">’<span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;">s<span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;">
behavior, but people<span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;">’<span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;">s<span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;"> behavior? <span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;">Does your work involve motivating other
people to do their jobs better? Well, take Heath<span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;">’<span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;">s and Duhigg<span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;">’<span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;">s wo<span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;">rds to heart. <span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;">Of course the same rules apply. And
here’s one more<span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;"> that can help you to know: </span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><span class="SHbodytext"><span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<div class="SH-Body-General" style="margin-bottom: 5.4pt;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span class="SHbodytext"><span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;"><span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;"><span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;"><span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;"><span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;"><span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;"><span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;"><span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;"><span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;"><span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;"><span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;"><span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;"><span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;"><span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;"><span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;"><span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;"><span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;"><br /></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></div>
<div class="SH-Body-General" style="margin-bottom: 5.4pt;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span class="SHbodytext"><span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;"><span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;">People find it more motivating to be
partly finished with a longer journey than at the starting gate of a shorter
one. If your <span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;">colleagues, or children,<span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;"> are having problems getting from point A to point B, showing them how
far they’ve com<span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;">e already can help them feel better about
the ultimate goal. </span></span></span></span></span></span><span class="SHbodytext"><span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<div class="SH-Body-General" style="margin-bottom: 5.4pt;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span class="SHbodytext"><span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;"><span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;"><span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;"><span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;"><span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;"><br /></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></div>
<div class="SH-Body-General" style="margin-bottom: 9.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span class="SHbodytext"><span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;"><span style="color: black; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: black;">Training is a process that requires measured steps. Rushing will not yield the results you seek. Shoot for small wins, and enjoy the journey.</span></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
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<br />Mailey E. McLaughlin, M.Ed.http://www.blogger.com/profile/06433597895952071846noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-793148027282086402.post-3726458274673009902017-10-14T19:08:00.000-04:002017-10-14T19:10:47.112-04:00The Value of Preparation, Second IterationThis post delves more pointedly into other aspects of preparation when living with a dog than <a href="http://carpek9.blogspot.com/2017/07/the-value-of-preparation.html" target="_blank">my previous post. It is not a prerequisite to this one, but a companion piece.</a><br />
<br />
When I was 15 years old, my best friend’s father taught us how to change a car tire. He wouldn’t allow my friend to get her learner’s permit until she had mastered that skill, even in the rain. On a warm summer afternoon, after both of us did it individually on his 1981 Corolla, he told us he was taking us to Sizzler for a steak dinner in a little bit, but first we were to put on our bathing suits and meet him back at the car. Then he turned the hose on, held it over our heads, and we had to change a different tire—from the beginning.<br />
<br />
He wasn’t holding me against my will. It wasn’t torture. I could have left and walked home at any time, but he asked me the same question he asked her: “Do you expect that you will ever drive by yourself in your lifetime? And do you ever think you will drive in the rain?” I probably shrugged and nodded. He handed me the tire iron and smiled. “Wouldn’t you prefer to practice?”<br />
<br />
I suppose I should have been thankful that the car was parked in a driveway, on level ground, and not on a busy highway. At the time, though, I probably rolled my eyes. The prospect of a steak dinner and not wanting to abandon my best friend kept me there, and of course I have used that skill several times, even in the rain, in the ensuing decades.<br />
<br />
I am reminded of this frequently in my work with dogs and people. People tend to do the least amount of work needed, as a general rule, in any given situation. We like shortcuts, and we tend to avoid performing tasks that have no real or perceived advantage to us—short- or long-term. This conserves energy and often resources, and frees us up to participate in more things that we enjoy, so it’s not necessarily a negative. But when it comes to certain jobs, such as training one’s dog, there are no shortcuts. You will spend more time looking for them than the work would have actually taken. Not only that, but the work itself has great merit, both for the human and the dog.<br />
<br />
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<h3>
“If you take the time it takes, it takes less time.” ~Pat Parelli</h3>
</blockquote>
<br />
One of the problems I often hear about are situations that could have been prepared for, should have been prepared for, but weren’t. In the owner’s eyes, their dog didn’t need that skill or that confinement or that preparation, because their immediate situation didn’t warrant it.<br />
<br />
Crate training is one of the most common areas of this. I meet someone with a puppy or dog who is not using a crate (there are several reasons people may have for this, but I want to focus on just the one right now). They are not using it because their dog “doesn’t need it.” He is not destructive. He is fully housebroken. He just hangs out while they are gone, and someone’s usually home, anyway. Ergo, they think he doesn’t need to learn how to tolerate confinement, because they cannot envision a situation where it would be needed. But this is a common misconception, and it can make life quite frustrating for the dog and his humans later in life:<br />
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj0SGE6rkFdYPDZQCiXh2HM0Y0pY6pcErpOkW_4pD9iT8_xfTTt0rcyTfdEoA0fFL0BnpCjBwR8ThyBo-m2SG4vcLBve_qs_pIO9VnNySlRm9lvX_V8KizkyuLoT_oOOwo1WV9EX5RPbt9i/s1600/Yukonleg.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1129" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj0SGE6rkFdYPDZQCiXh2HM0Y0pY6pcErpOkW_4pD9iT8_xfTTt0rcyTfdEoA0fFL0BnpCjBwR8ThyBo-m2SG4vcLBve_qs_pIO9VnNySlRm9lvX_V8KizkyuLoT_oOOwo1WV9EX5RPbt9i/s320/Yukonleg.jpg" width="225" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">My dog Yukon Cornelius injured his leg and <br />
needed crate rest for several weeks. </td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<ul>
<li>They take a road trip—a long one—and the dog is nauseated, or otherwise stressed, the entire time</li>
<li>They stay in a hotel, and cannot leave the dog in the room because he barks at every sound, or suddenly learns how fun chewing pillows can be. The hotel stay triples in price.</li>
<li>They arrive at their destination, a friend’s house, and assume the dog will be fine to just roam the house like he does at home—but the dog, in a new environment, becomes destructive (or forgets his housetraining). </li>
<li>They leave the dog at home and hire a petsitter. When she arrives, the dog is hiding and will not let her put a leash on him to take him for a walk</li>
<li>They must move to an apartment and the dog will not allow the maintenance people to enter. He bites one of them and his owners are threatened with eviction. They then start using a crate, but since he is unfamiliar with it, he cries all day and wakes the neighbors, who complain to management.</li>
<li>The dog ruptures his ACL, or suffers any malady that calls for him to be kept very quiet and still for days or weeks. Imagine trying to keep an active dog calm in a crate for that long when he has never been required to be crated at all.</li>
<li>There is an evacuation order due to an upcoming weather event, and they must leave their home and find shelter. The dogs are allowed, but only if they are crated (if you live near the ocean, this will probably happen to you at some point).</li>
</ul>
<br />
Crate training is valuable for many reasons, but one of the most valuable is that <i>it helps prepare the dog for confinement both now and later. </i>It can, done properly, have a great calming effect on the dog whenever he is placed in an unfamiliar situation, where misbehaviors are most common due to the stress of change. If you don’t prepare your dog for dealing with stress when you have the time to do so, you may not have the time later—and the older he gets, the longer it will take. A dog who is taught how to deal with frustration and confinement is a dog who is always easier to live with. Why wait?<br />
<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZ3S-Aw_IJJPo3gE4etWONHHZtGxDrdD_w1ZI0SW6HeN__ZCAKDW1yMBuOMrc8ubs9QH0FRvtmSDhUnnfwmFtK6yGbdD2GESTovjUDZLn0KHVgGfkNMazmwReWVlX2RuxsEAqekOz8cVcJ/s1600/PA300010.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="150" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZ3S-Aw_IJJPo3gE4etWONHHZtGxDrdD_w1ZI0SW6HeN__ZCAKDW1yMBuOMrc8ubs9QH0FRvtmSDhUnnfwmFtK6yGbdD2GESTovjUDZLn0KHVgGfkNMazmwReWVlX2RuxsEAqekOz8cVcJ/s200/PA300010.JPG" width="200" /></a></div>
<b>Having a dog who walks nicely on leash</b> is another task people with yards often neglect. Since they have a yard, they never teach the dog how to walk nicely, because they don’t see the need for it. But walks are beneficial for most dogs, even those with yards. And no one wants to walk a dog who drags them down the street, or lunges at people, or gets underfoot, or sits down and refuses to walk. Why not fix this common problem when the dog is young, or right when you acquire him? It is a win-win for both the dog and the human. Even if you have a yard, you will need to take your dog to the vet, at the very least. And since walks are a big part of mental stimulation and socialization for your dog, by not walking him, you are denying him something he needs to thrive.<br />
<br />
I had an email a few days ago from a man who got two dogs fairly young, and never leash-trained them. Now they are 4 and 5, and pull terribly. This wasn’t a problem when he had a yard, but guess what? He had to move to an apartment, and now they must be walked multiple times a day on leash. He cannot control them together, so he spends twice as long on walks as he needs to, and is now suddenly quite motivated to get them trained. I told him I can absolutely help him fix that, but done correctly, it won’t be a “snap your fingers” fix. It will take some time and patience to do it right so that it sticks, because pulling on leash is rewarding to dogs until they learn otherwise.<br />
<br />
How about some other examples?<br />
<br />
<b>Teaching the young pup or dog that absences are a part of life</b> will help to inoculate him against future separation distress. This means, in part, using confinement and “forcing” some independence when you are home. It also means you need to stop fondling your dog so much.<br />
<br />
<b>Teaching the young dog to allow himself to be physically handled by humans</b> is a huge benefit when he goes to the vet or groomer. Lots of owners hate vet visits as much as the dogs do because they have very little control over their pets and it’s embarrassing or frustrating to go to the vet. But if the dog tolerates being handled for exams, having its teeth looked at, having its nails trimmed, being brushed, and being picked up or carried (for smaller dogs) by others, the visits to the vet or groomer’s become much less stressful. Having a dog that has no problem being pilled or medicated ensures that treatment will go more smoothly, and may be cheaper. The dog that tolerates grooming will save you money, and will be healthier and happier because he won’t be matted or suffering from too-long toenails (which can hamper movement and cause gait problems).<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj-ptWoPHulVxriz38yg-TOYEIjSkUubIuo1iAzZ9TMxjqZ-6_xfVxuEOTaMlIh7-cKeQzVts_P71QVGc2zM2v1pKDaLSX5pD52IoiH0y-zhb3rxh2AYugLPNLKaK40Etw6QBZsDvMrHjY6/s1600/Troopermoves.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="999" data-original-width="1339" height="238" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj-ptWoPHulVxriz38yg-TOYEIjSkUubIuo1iAzZ9TMxjqZ-6_xfVxuEOTaMlIh7-cKeQzVts_P71QVGc2zM2v1pKDaLSX5pD52IoiH0y-zhb3rxh2AYugLPNLKaK40Etw6QBZsDvMrHjY6/s320/Troopermoves.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
It is unlikely that you will live in the same place, in the same house, forever. It is likely that you will change jobs, change partners, or add children to your life at some point. Your schedule may change. You may fall ill and experience having to cohabitate with family or friends because of financial difficulties. Your home could be made uninhabitable due to a natural disaster and you may need to seek temporary shelter. Life happens to all of us, and the more resilient our dogs are, the more likely they can stay with us and help us through the tough times—as best friends do.<br />
<br />
You do your beloved dog zero favors when you don’t prepare for the potential future. In the same way you’d gas up your car before a road trip, you can “gas up” your dog to help him adjust to the bumps and falls in life. <a href="http://carpek9.blogspot.com/2017/07/the-value-of-preparation.html" target="_blank">Make hay while the sun shines.</a> Better to have the knowledge and not need it than to need it and not have it.<br />
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<div>
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Mailey E. McLaughlin, M.Ed.http://www.blogger.com/profile/06433597895952071846noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-793148027282086402.post-81858328855976132222017-07-14T20:54:00.000-04:002017-07-14T20:56:23.506-04:00The Value of Preparation<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgAkVH0U65gW_yNTOJU3RFFPVKMuW7JUp5NDyH6fih7e3hcKl-gDnPEvWCRtCgGHlMQak5x095om2-Tv1gYpilPEOV7w7lVisN-z2qO2dg8nD5izF0J3x1oDD2XDF2bKdiz2XNUDL5iSVvX/s1600/IMG_0874.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="209" data-original-width="314" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgAkVH0U65gW_yNTOJU3RFFPVKMuW7JUp5NDyH6fih7e3hcKl-gDnPEvWCRtCgGHlMQak5x095om2-Tv1gYpilPEOV7w7lVisN-z2qO2dg8nD5izF0J3x1oDD2XDF2bKdiz2XNUDL5iSVvX/s1600/IMG_0874.JPG" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: "tahoma" , "sans-serif";">When we decide to acquire a
dog, we know that we will need to have certain tools and supplies in place
before the dog arrives. Those who have owned dogs previously wouldn’t even
think of bringing a puppy or dog home without the essentials of crate, gates, a
knowledge of where the pup will be confined, and a plan for housebreaking and
obedience training. Even newbie dog owners know that bowls, food, bed, collar
and leash are going to be needed. We may elect to procure these items at the
same time as we get the dog, if not before, but we certainly don’t (or
shouldn’t) think we can bring a dog or puppy home and go for days or weeks
without the proper equipment.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "tahoma" , "sans-serif";"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "tahoma" , "sans-serif";">Preparation saves a lot of
headaches later on. It tends to make things like having a picnic, buying a car,
going on a vacation, and bringing home a new baby much easier, doesn’t it?<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "tahoma" , "sans-serif";">Well, the same is true for
dogs, but not just for the first night home.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "tahoma" , "sans-serif";"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "tahoma" , "sans-serif";">Preparation regarding
training is also quite helpful.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "tahoma" , "sans-serif";"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "tahoma" , "sans-serif";">I’m not talking about
knowing the best <em>method</em>
for training, per se. There are many paths to a well-trained dog, including
hiring a professional, or reading books and articles and watching videos in a
“DIY” manner. Some people try it on their own first, then hire a pro. Most dog
owners do not hire professional trainers, though. They either make it work with
DIY, or they just live with the dog’s behavior. Or, they get rid of the dog.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "tahoma" , "sans-serif";"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "tahoma" , "sans-serif";">What method you use isn’t
really the point here. It can matter, for sure, but you probably already knew
that.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "tahoma" , "sans-serif";"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "tahoma" , "sans-serif";">What I’m talking about is
preparing the dog for his life ahead, or the training itself as a preparation.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "tahoma" , "sans-serif";"><br /></span>
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhjBE42RsB-oQmvB6W-Iw1D0xNi3-ZDgJB-NB0Rq_zFMe4eZq9_5EKhhi3YKBa8virCz_wJn3wfFtnWNRv7e91bS9nVO7-PiFA5DjDwBaHZkgrDSymXt_KNW-5thys_YL5MW46mEDsshAlu/s1600/PA290775.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="236" data-original-width="291" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhjBE42RsB-oQmvB6W-Iw1D0xNi3-ZDgJB-NB0Rq_zFMe4eZq9_5EKhhi3YKBa8virCz_wJn3wfFtnWNRv7e91bS9nVO7-PiFA5DjDwBaHZkgrDSymXt_KNW-5thys_YL5MW46mEDsshAlu/s1600/PA290775.JPG" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Pretrain your dog to lie in her bed while you answer<br />
the door, instead of mauling your visitors.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="font-family: "tahoma" , "sans-serif";">If your dog jumps up on
people when they enter your house, waiting until people come over and yelling
“DOWN!” at the dog (or yanking him down, or something worse) when he jumps is
not training.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "tahoma" , "sans-serif";"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "tahoma" , "sans-serif";">If your dog chases the cat,
waiting for him to start chasing and then yelling at him or throwing things at
him is not going to fix that problem.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "tahoma" , "sans-serif";"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "tahoma" , "sans-serif";">If he jumps up on counters,
pulls on the leash incessantly, barks obnoxiously at passerby, chews your
belongings, or tries to bite you when you walk past him while he is eating,
your <em>responses</em>
during those situations do not constitute meaningful training.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "tahoma" , "sans-serif";"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "tahoma" , "sans-serif";">Oh, <em>learning</em> is occurring,
but it isn’t the type of learning that is going to help you.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "tahoma" , "sans-serif";"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "tahoma" , "sans-serif";">So, you say, “When
IS the time for meaningful training to begin for the dog who jumps on guests,
chases the cat, jumps up on counters, pulls on the leash incessantly, barks
obnoxiously at passerby, chews my belongings, or tries to bite me when you walk
past him while he is eating?”<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "tahoma" , "sans-serif";"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "tahoma" , "sans-serif";">The answer, of course, is
“before he started to exhibit those behaviors.”<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "tahoma" , "sans-serif";"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "tahoma" , "sans-serif";">And you are saying, “But I
didn’t know I needed help with those things until he started doing them!”<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "tahoma" , "sans-serif";"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "tahoma" , "sans-serif";">That’s where you should have
prepared a bit better.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "tahoma" , "sans-serif";"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "tahoma" , "sans-serif";">See, you don’t try to train
a dog <strong>not to do
something</strong> when he is in the middle of doing it. And you don’t
try to train him <strong>to do
something</strong> when he is in the middle of doing something else. You
train him to do the behaviors you want before you need him to do those
behaviors, so that when the time comes and the need arises, he <em>already knows</em> what you
require and either 1.Waits for you to remind him what to do, and then remembers
and does it, or 2. Does it automatically.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "tahoma" , "sans-serif";"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "tahoma" , "sans-serif";">(2. comes after a certain
amount of teaching. 1. constitutes a trained dog, but 2. is even better.)<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "tahoma" , "sans-serif";"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "tahoma" , "sans-serif";">Dogs jump, pull on leash,
eat what smells good, chase moving objects, make noise, and chew things
naturally. These are default behaviors to most dogs, and one can pretty well
assume most dogs will do them if not taught not to. In fact, you should absolutely assume they will.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "tahoma" , "sans-serif";"><br /></span>
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiP2HejSXJqf6Dh5EAYpqrWXi3RCYixa7RY4BELBE9iiweXWtMqmrpMs5hYXyPdr6TJjeeqXU6WldjqNqCS6TpB2cAtNpS2RU5ucE2IjyKon2Iko0ICg1fRuxFV9qyMgLV9p0GlrApXJbDS/s1600/P9270557.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="277" data-original-width="235" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiP2HejSXJqf6Dh5EAYpqrWXi3RCYixa7RY4BELBE9iiweXWtMqmrpMs5hYXyPdr6TJjeeqXU6WldjqNqCS6TpB2cAtNpS2RU5ucE2IjyKon2Iko0ICg1fRuxFV9qyMgLV9p0GlrApXJbDS/s1600/P9270557.JPG" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Pretrain your dog to sit quietly when <br />
you want to stop and chat with a neighbor.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="font-family: "tahoma" , "sans-serif";">So, you pretrain the dog to
sit for greetings, keep four feet on the floor in the kitchen, walk nicely next
to you on leash, chew their own toys and bones exclusively, refrain from chasing
the cat, and allow you to control their resources without complaining. You
train <i>in advance </i>of these things so that the dog can fully concentrate on what
needs to be done when the behavior is needed. You pretrain because while he is
learning the new behaviors, you need to be able to control the dog’s attention
and give him lots of small successes, and this is unlikely to be successful when things are already hectic.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "tahoma" , "sans-serif";"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "tahoma" , "sans-serif";">In short, you don’t train
when you need the behavior—you train <em>before</em>
you need it. That way, it’s already instilled in the dog, and all he needs to
do when told to sit, or stop, or get off, or move away, or be quiet is <em>remember what he already knows</em>.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "tahoma" , "sans-serif";"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "tahoma" , "sans-serif";">Because if you haven't taught him these things, he doesn't know them.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "tahoma" , "sans-serif";"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "tahoma" , "sans-serif";">Think of it like taking a
test. You don’t try to take a test without having studied. You learn when the
test will happen, and you prepare for it by learning the material. Then, on
test day, you walk in, sit down, and wrack your brain to remember what you just
stuffed into it. There is no learning happening at that moment—it’s all recall.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "tahoma" , "sans-serif";"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "tahoma" , "sans-serif";">Good dog training imparts
the lessons before they are needed, so that when they are needed, all the dog
need do is remember.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "tahoma" , "sans-serif";"><br /></span>
<br />
<span style="font-family: "tahoma" , "sans-serif";">Prepare your dog to exhibit
good behaviors in stressful or hectic situations by pretraining him. It’s much
more kind and effective, and a lot less frustrating, than reacting in the
moment.<o:p></o:p></span>Mailey E. McLaughlin, M.Ed.http://www.blogger.com/profile/06433597895952071846noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-793148027282086402.post-51877203085857344292017-07-02T23:35:00.000-04:002017-07-02T23:46:43.949-04:00It Works When You Work It<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqITsM-J1lQItNPxZjM5crKhoHRXCPEnD7FN4D8yPBPz_Sf058AVpvhiG-FiWKgCxjoO_LwTjxQy_sLWQHQp_9-48bEUVJCDNIhRPWaDELWEeyxP_yusCrdQbTCHtAZQGzIv98GGoqGOPz/s1600/IMG_8825.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="374" data-original-width="336" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqITsM-J1lQItNPxZjM5crKhoHRXCPEnD7FN4D8yPBPz_Sf058AVpvhiG-FiWKgCxjoO_LwTjxQy_sLWQHQp_9-48bEUVJCDNIhRPWaDELWEeyxP_yusCrdQbTCHtAZQGzIv98GGoqGOPz/s320/IMG_8825.JPG" width="287" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Do you ever wonder why your dog trainer tells you to do
certain things?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
When we tell you to crate train your dog, to practice leash
work, to teach your dog how to be physically handled, to socialize your dog
properly, to leave him alone sometimes, to forge a good relationship with a vet
you can trust, and to obedience train to a “holy-cow-the-leash-just-broke”
standard, why do we bother?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Are we motivated by money to tell you these things?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Believe it or not, we actually make more money off untrained
dogs. Trainers who do board-and-train programs can charge more for dogs who
have never been crate trained or socialized. Trainers who give private lessons
can make more money off of dogs who don’t have any type of head start because
it will take more lessons to get them to a trained state. Trainers who work
with aggressive dogs can definitely charge more for their services because they
are taking on higher risk (vets can charge more for aggressive dogs for this
reason, too).</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In short, untrained dogs will cost you more to own, and your
trainer could benefit financially from your unpreparedness. (So can your vet,
your insurance company, and your landlord, but that’s another post.)</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But putting some simple rules in place when you first
acquire your dog can save you money and time and frustration later. So why
would a dog trainer tout these things if they might “cheat” us out of cash? If
the trainer has no connection to your vet, why would we care if you have a good
relationship with one?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Most of us have sources we like to share, such as books or
articles or videos about dog training, which we will happily point you towards.
Why would trainers recommend books and videos that can teach you how to train
your dog yourself? Some of us spend hours (typically without pay) on emails or
phone calls with our clients to keep them going, to keep them practicing. But we
make more money when you don’t practice, actually.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgcN40NSELWMKDRLQvmQQdrHAkRWBmzRLHmpV26OFFSR5zgNb42g3LVSR2FvP9J9IPHPKQ7Ii6TYmIpOmb-8vU_W08NUqyf4Bhsi83AlFaC5EXJVHxYOqFm8EnWDVE_mxugLaASABbWnZfE/s1600/nice+class+web.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="422" data-original-width="400" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgcN40NSELWMKDRLQvmQQdrHAkRWBmzRLHmpV26OFFSR5zgNb42g3LVSR2FvP9J9IPHPKQ7Ii6TYmIpOmb-8vU_W08NUqyf4Bhsi83AlFaC5EXJVHxYOqFm8EnWDVE_mxugLaASABbWnZfE/s200/nice+class+web.jpg" width="189" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Maybe it’s not about the money? Well, we need to pay our
bills, too. We’ve spent years and our own cash, often earned at mindless jobs
to get us through, learning how to be best at our craft, and we deserve remuneration
for that. You are paying for expertise and we are no different from other
service providers in that regard.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But that’s not the sole reason, or even necessarily a reason
that is more important than others. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
If it’s not about money, is it about exerting authority, or
making you feel dumb? No. We don’t get into dog training because we hate
people, or want to feel superior. We don’t study long hours, get our hands
on thousands of dogs (sometimes at risk to our body parts and often at risk to
our emotions), and attend seminars all across the country because we want to
lord something over you. We really don’t have much control over you, anyway.
You are free do as you please when it comes to your dog; we just hope you take
the advice you are paying us for. (Good trainers know that the dog doesn’t have
any money to pay us, but his owners might.) Many of us like people just fine,
believe it or not. And the ones who don’t care for people much (but are often excellent at their craft) get good at hiding it. Treat your dog well and commit to the training, and even those trainers
will sing your praises.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
If it’s not money, or making people feel dumb, then what?
You are probably saying, “Well, it’s a love of dogs.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Sure, 99% of trainers love dogs. It’s pretty much a given.
But loving dogs doesn’t a career make. Anyone can love dogs, and millions of
people do. It’s not difficult, for goodness’ sake. Dogs are ridiculously easy
to love, even when they are misbehaving. People put up with a lot of crap from
their dogs in spite of misbehavior because they love them. Loving dogs is as
easy as falling off a log.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So, it’s not about money, really, and it’s not because we
want to feel superior, or that we “just love dogs.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Your trainer suggests crate training, physical handling practice,
leash training (and other obedience) practice, socialization, <a href="http://carpek9.blogspot.com/2017/01/leave-dog-alone.html" target="_blank"><b>passive bonding</b></a>, and
having a good veterinary partnership because <i>we want what is best for dogs</i>.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The fact that crate training, physical handling practice,
leash training (and other obedience) practice, socialization, passive bonding, and
having a good veterinary partnership saves you time and money and frustration isn’t what drives us. It’s a lovely benefit, and that’s always a
positive.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But we suggest these things because <i>dogs need them</i>. We recommend
them because dogs <i>thrive with them.</i> We beg, plead, cajole and encourage you to
provide these things because <i>they are important to the well-being of the dogs</i>.
We want you to meet your dog’s needs, because when you do, everyone wins.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgb4o4yofXAeJEgtHzwMA7h3hCc7DFcgv0FwEFOwt9NEANSiUPgneRBRJ0GxTLDg50Jw8-Csy1Rh-wWu6_UEkxpAsmcA-mGZtlX5n2HAw0dN8b0msmEQq-meYBA68mWH2O-l16CXIkaBBNA/s1600/casualweb.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="300" data-original-width="400" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgb4o4yofXAeJEgtHzwMA7h3hCc7DFcgv0FwEFOwt9NEANSiUPgneRBRJ0GxTLDg50Jw8-Csy1Rh-wWu6_UEkxpAsmcA-mGZtlX5n2HAw0dN8b0msmEQq-meYBA68mWH2O-l16CXIkaBBNA/s320/casualweb.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Your dog wins because he is safer, less stressed, more
comfortable, and calmer. He knows what is expected. Therefore, he gets more
freedom, more walks, more things he enjoys. He lives longer, and in better
health. He gets to go places with you, explore, and be a dog. He thrives.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
You win because when your dog’s needs are met, and he is
safer, less stressed, more comfortable, and calmer, you get to enjoy him more
instead of being frustrated. He lives longer, and in better health. He gets to
go places with you, explore, and be a dog. He thrives. Is that not what you
wanted in the first place?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And when your dog wins and you win, we win. The fewer dogs
who live lives of frustration, pain, and suffering because their needs aren’t
being met, the happier we are, and the more we feel as if what we do matters.
The better dogs are cared for, and the more their needs are met, the fewer end
up deprived, or homeless. This is what drives most of us. <b>More than anything,
we want what’s best for the dogs, and by extension, their people will benefit.</b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
There are no magic wands in dog training. It's work, but it's gratifying work because it forges a communion that cannot exist without it. You may love your dog, and he may love you, but without clear expectations and practice, you will never have true, honest relationship.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Help us help you, and your dog. He’s so worth it.</div>
<br />Mailey E. McLaughlin, M.Ed.http://www.blogger.com/profile/06433597895952071846noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-793148027282086402.post-73340029139412531632017-01-29T20:11:00.002-05:002019-02-01T15:56:19.911-05:00Leave the Dog Alone<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhnT3WC4bF_22JAJ79JnabhirwqCO6MQYRytvhr0-SFCfdFzirMpjgMhr813QJaanpV8JAsATYnzbe0t7Jxjco9aYSvWB2B1kLnMRxBN99vpDP4zqu0pkev3ymph1ra1wbxnWG6dvWOVN66/s1600/Deweysidehead.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhnT3WC4bF_22JAJ79JnabhirwqCO6MQYRytvhr0-SFCfdFzirMpjgMhr813QJaanpV8JAsATYnzbe0t7Jxjco9aYSvWB2B1kLnMRxBN99vpDP4zqu0pkev3ymph1ra1wbxnWG6dvWOVN66/s1600/Deweysidehead.JPG" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Honor your dog's "dogness."</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Dogs, like humans, are social creatures. This is one of the reasons they make such great pets and companions. Domestication and breeding have cleaved our species together in ways that benefit us both, for better or worse. Our dogs want to be around us, and we want to be with them. And we are not shy in showing them so with touch, talk, and eye contact—sometimes in overpowering amounts.<br />
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Dogs enjoy being part of our family, and being close to us, yes, but they are also individuals who sometimes want time to themselves, despite what we might think. They seek us out for attention, but they also learn, when given the chance, that closeness can exist without affection being given 24/7.<br />
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Humans often misinterpret dog behavior in ways that, at best, confuse the dogs we love, and at worst, drive them to send us messages we don’t tend to welcome. Because they are so forgiving and desiring of affiliation with us, our dogs continue to try to communicate with us in the only way they know how.<br />
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And often, we can’t see, don’t see, don’t want to see, don’t want to believe. But it doesn’t have to be this way.<br />
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I have a simple message that can help you to interact with dogs much more effectively and safely. It costs you nothing, but may save you, or someone else, from being bitten. It will honor the dog's "dogness," too. You won’t like it, necessarily, and you may have a difficult time carrying it out. But it’s something that we humans owe to the dogs in our lives.<br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<h2>
<span style="font-size: x-large;">Leave the Dog Alone</span></h2>
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
Why do people seek out dogs as pets? There are lots of reasons, but in my experience I’ve found two reasons that transcend age, gender, class, financial status, and personality: we want a being that will love us unconditionally, and we want to be able to touch and stroke that being pretty much at will.<br />
<br />
Luckily for both our species, dogs tend to enjoy touch and other forms of attention from us, but most humans don’t know when to stop—or why they need to! There is definitely such a thing as too much “love” when it comes to dogs.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgpBm-hMCYGzdAmG9XpG5_Wl_RZa8YF1JTUcmwQly2bl-5jiCgUypUzTUAHtyEh4ouphd6Q0BLuJ2ZNyeC6bxxZzvGJRM2eykiy_4kJir5E6fNkqQPdPyz_Or-n_Sa1lCeZOOJts3n9zClz/s1600/SOTD.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgpBm-hMCYGzdAmG9XpG5_Wl_RZa8YF1JTUcmwQly2bl-5jiCgUypUzTUAHtyEh4ouphd6Q0BLuJ2ZNyeC6bxxZzvGJRM2eykiy_4kJir5E6fNkqQPdPyz_Or-n_Sa1lCeZOOJts3n9zClz/s1600/SOTD.JPG" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Passive bonding</td></tr>
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When you are hanging out with your dog, touching, stroking, talking silly, kissing him, picking him up, or playing with him, you are bonding actively with him. In and of itself, active bonding is a good thing, and we both benefit. But both dogs and people also need the absence of active bonding, too. Passive bonding is often overlooked in our relationships with our dogs because we don’t realize that they need it. <i><b>Passive bonding is “the space between the notes,” the closeness without touch, the proximity to each other without any requirements or need.</b></i> Are you allowing passive bonding in your relationship? Your dog needs it, and so do you.<br />
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<b>Leave the dog alone</b> so that he can rest, sleep, settle, and learn that touch should be earned in some way—it’s not freely abundant. Leave the dog alone so that you develop some self-control around your dog. Just because your dog “doesn’t seem to mind” you constantly petting him, or even seems to want it 24/7 does not mean you must comply with his requests. Just because your dog is close enough to touch doesn't mean you have to do it so much.<br />
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Show your love to your dog by actually meeting his needs—not just yours. <a href="http://carpek9.blogspot.com/2010/12/space-between-notes.html"><b>Here’s a blog post on the things your dog really needs, with more on passive bonding.</b></a><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-large;">Leave the Dog Home Alone</span> </h2>
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Dogs don’t understand the concept of temporary separation until they’ve been taught, so every time you leave the house, the dog isn’t sure you will be back. There is no way to convince him that you will return except by always returning. So yes, dogs feel stress when we leave them, but we cannot ameliorate this stress by staying with them more or carting them everywhere with us. We must teach them how to deal with the stress of being left alone by actually leaving them a fair amount, and by not allowing our emotions to get the better of us. The best way to inoculate the puppy against separation anxiety is to leave and return, and to mix up departure and arrival times, length of time away, and actions that precede and follow an absence.<br />
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The dog needs to be left safely, of course, which may involve the use of a crate or other confinement. Don’t get all emotional about that part of it—dogs don’t generally perceive confinement like we do, and it helps greatly with structure.<br />
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<a href="http://carpek9.com/A_CrateIsGreat.html"><b>Here’s an article I wrote on crating.</b></a><br />
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You needn’t make a big deal out of your comings and goings, even though you think that’s necessary. Your dog will still love you just as much if you come in calmly, take him out calmly (or send him if he’s trained) to his potty area, and then engage with him calmly. All the high-pitched voices and exclamations are your attempt to <u>meet your own needs</u>, and they can confuse the dog. Keep things simple, and on a schedule as much as possible. The dog will adjust.<br />
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Many people tell me that their dog has “separation anxiety,” and usually, they are wrong. <b>They themselves have separation anxiety.</b> Sitting at a restaurant or movie theater and worrying about the healthy dog you left an hour ago is pointless, and likely not reciprocal—he’s probably napping by now.<br />
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Most dogs don’t have separation anxiety, but many do fall somewhere on a continuum of separation distress. Mitigate that stress by keeping your emotions in check, making your farewells and arrivals calm and consistent. (And if your dog really does have <i>diagnosed</i> Separation Anxiety, work with a professional, please.)<br />
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Make sure your dog is getting the proper amount of exercise, mental stimulation (including training), and having his primary needs met, and then go away. Don’t go away mad, just go away.</div>
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After all, how can he learn that you will always return if you never go away?<br />
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<span style="font-size: x-large;">Leave the family dog alone, kids</span></h2>
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Dog bite statistics can be alarming when you first hear them: 4.7 million dog bites occur yearly according to the CDC, with over half of those occurring to children. Actual fatalities are rare (fewer than 100 per year), and many other things kill us with more regularity. But when dogs kill, it hits us right in the gut, doesn't it?<br />
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Everyone has heard news stories of children being mauled and even killed by dogs, often by dogs that are well-known to them. Most bites to children come from their own family dogs. Why is this? Often, it’s because the adults assume too much from both the dog and the child. The family dog should not have to endure children bothering him endlessly—even when they are "being kind" to him.<br />
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We know it’s wrong to hit, grab, tease and badger dogs--and responsible parents drum this into kids' heads constantly. But even when kids are taught to refrain from <i>these </i>actions, their attentions to the dog may still cross the line. It’s also wrong to allow your child, or any child, to ride your dog, lie on top of him, climb on him, move into his space quickly, grab toys or food from him, wake him from sleep, pet him endlessly, or pick him up when it’s not absolutely necessary. You might think it’s cute, and you might presume that the dog is OK with these behaviors because he hasn’t growled or bitten, or walked away.<br />
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But you’d likely be wrong. It’s to dogs’ credit that they tolerate a lot of crap from us, but not all dogs have the same amount of fuse. If pestered, badgered, climbed upon, picked up, laid upon, or grabbed enough, any dog can bite—even your beloved family pet. And when it happens, you don’t get to blame the dog. He was, in all likelihood, sending signal after signal and was thoroughly ignored.<br />
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In short, do not allow anyone—child or adult—to treat your dog in a manner you’d not allow towards another human. Know your dog, and protect him.<a href="https://www.blogger.com/null" name="_GoBack"></a><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-large;">Leave the public dog alone</span></h2>
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Everyone knows dogs who “love the world,” and pert near everything in it. These canines seem to have a permanent grin on their faces, constantly wagging tails, and the perfect acceptance of any touch we seem inclined to bestow upon them. If you don’t own one of these dogs, you have friends or acquaintances who do, and you see people at the park, on the street, in every city who do. I like to call these guys Ambassadors, because they embody so many of the qualities we seek in our pets: friendliness, joy, laid-back acceptance regardless of our faults and flaws, a desire to avoid unnecessary conflict, and a joie de vivre that we covet but cannot ever seem to clear our thoughts enough to reach.<br />
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Luckily for us, most of the millions of dogs living in homes, riding in cars, and going for walks in the community are Ambassadors in full or in part. We trust them, and they trust us. We relax with them because we value what they embody, especially the desire to avoid conflict. People call them angels, heroes, furkids. They claim, "I didn't rescue my dog--he rescued me."<br />
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Just as people differ in our personalities, dogs come sometimes with personalities that aren’t as easy to accept. Not all dogs are ambassadors, and that’s actually perfectly fine. Dogs were bred to perform tasks, and sometimes the ambassador qualities don’t fit with those tasks (guarding, for instance). Some dogs do not want to interact with people they do not know, and this is their right. Whether it's because of genetics, personal temperament, a lack of socialization as a pup, or some other factor, the dog is simply how he is, and while training and proper socialization can help pretty much every dog on the planet fit more within our parameters as constituting a good pet, <b>training cannot erase genetics.</b> With dogs, it’s nature AND nurture, always.<br />
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The thing is, many humans assume that every dog they encounter is naturally an Ambassador, and this can be a big problem. Assumptions about dogs and their behavior gets us into trouble sometimes. <b>You are not entitled to interact with every dog you meet in public, regardless of your desires.</b> In public spaces, in friends’ homes, in situations where a dog or dogs happen to be, <b><u>leave the dog alone by default</u></b>.<br />
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Yes, of course there are situations where it is OK to pet or interact with dogs that do not belong to you. Always ask permission from both the owner, and the dog—and listen to the answers <b>they both provide</b> before touching. No matter what the owner says, if the dog says "no," do not touch.<br />
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How do dogs say "no"? Some people assume that if the dog isn't snarling or trying to bite them, he likes it. But dogs are appeasers, and may try lots of things before they get to this point. These include hiding behind the owner, blatantly avoiding you; ducking the head, pulling away from you, averting their eyes and licking their lips, tucking tail, or taking a submissive, low posture. <i><b><u>If you stop, crouch down, and wait for the dog to enter your space, and he does not come into it, leave him alone.</u></b></i><br />
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NOTE to the owners/caretakers of Dogs Who Prefer to Be Ignored By Strangers: You have a responsibility to your dog to keep him safe. This includes not just actual, physical safety, but also his <i>perception </i>of safety. This means that even though *you* don't perceive the "nice" man who is trying to pet him as a threat, the dog might--and it's HIS perception of the situation, not yours, not the stranger's--that matters. I know you don't want to appear unkind to people, but your dog depends on you. If you allow, or worse, encourage touch from people when your dog is sending clear signals that he is not comfortable, you are throwing your dog under the proverbial bus. How can he trust you? And at what point does he proceed from hiding behind you to biting? This can be prevented. <b>Listen to your dog.</b><br />
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Building your dog's confidence is essential, and part of your job. Allowing or encouraging unwanted touch does not build confidence--it erodes it. Contact a trainer who works with dogs like this and uses an inclusive approach (lots of tools in the toolbox, several ways to tackle the problem) to help you.<br />
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And stop worrying more about what strangers will think of you or your dog, and focus on helping your dog. No one is entitled to touch your dog. It's OK, and often better, to Just Say No, smile, and walk away.<br />
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<a href="http://carpek9.blogspot.com/2016/05/a-sense-of-entitlement.html" target="_blank"><b>Here's a blog post I wrote about interacting with other people's dogs.</b></a><br />
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Children Are the Most at Risk When Things Go South</h4>
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Read the above section again and apply it to your kids. Most dog and child interactions are perfectly safe as long as a watchful adult is present. Teach your kids to Leave the Dog Alone when:<br />
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<li>The dog is unfamiliar to them</li>
<li>The dog is loose or itself unsupervised</li>
<li>The dog is sending signals that it wants to be left alone</li>
<li>By default</li>
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<b>If you teach children that their default behavior when they encounter a dog that meets the above criteria is to Leave the Dog Alone, they will be safer.</b><br />
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Yes, there are situations where children are allowed, maybe even encouraged, to interact with dogs that do not live with them. But these interactions should never be assumed, and must always be permitted by an adult who knows the dog. Never assume, even if the dog is displaying “friendliness,” <b>because most people who are not canine professionals misinterpret signals of stress or excitement for friendliness.</b><br />
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Look, we love dogs, and they love us. Dogs are pretty adept at showing affection for us, and we think we are adept at showing them we love them--but often, we are wrong. We give them too much affection and not enough structure, in general. We want to meet their needs, but we often only meet our own needs and confuse ours with theirs. We can do better, and we must.<br />
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<span style="color: purple;"><b>"Do you love your dog? Or do you love loving your dog? If it's the former, you will make sure to provide your dog with what he truly needs. If it is the latter, you will do what you want and then complain about him." ~Sarah Wilson</b></span></blockquote>
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Leaving the Dog Alone, like obedience/manners training, helps dogs deal with our often confusing world. It isn't mean, or cruel, except sometimes to our own sensibilities. It's safer for us, and ultimately for them. It honors them. Make it your default behavior until you are invited to interact, either by the owners of the dog, or the dog himself.<br />
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Enjoy the dogs in your world, definitely, but do it consciously and while meeting their needs, not just yours. They will pay you back a hundred-fold.</div>
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Mailey E. McLaughlin, M.Ed.http://www.blogger.com/profile/06433597895952071846noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-793148027282086402.post-52197859932986284632016-12-16T21:10:00.001-05:002023-05-24T08:17:14.556-04:00 Fences make good neighbors…and can frustrate some dogs<span face=""verdana" , sans-serif"><br /></span>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJUQHe3T9A6wRpO604K7xuSyDKn1Og9sFN3-d-29nI4xxuc3sTmPBP1mh_jzyeCAn3dMYT-LeBDnJR-32JOKBGaXT_G9RFyWZ7OKUh_EH9FI1oahGyde6HSq8Co0hGRrI49olMB_aNSSVS/s1600/visiblefence.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJUQHe3T9A6wRpO604K7xuSyDKn1Og9sFN3-d-29nI4xxuc3sTmPBP1mh_jzyeCAn3dMYT-LeBDnJR-32JOKBGaXT_G9RFyWZ7OKUh_EH9FI1oahGyde6HSq8Co0hGRrI49olMB_aNSSVS/s1600/visiblefence.jpg" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: verdana;"><span face=""verdana" , sans-serif">Part of dog ownership is making sure your pooch gets the
right amount of exercise for his age, breed, size, and temperament. Walks are
necessary, and a great activity for dogs, but walks alone won’t meet most
large, boisterous dogs’ needs for exercise. Since the days of opening the door
and letting Rover run the neighborhood all day are over (thankfully), having a
securely fenced yard can be extremely helpful for dog owners, especially when
you have large (or multiple) dogs.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: verdana;"><span face=""verdana" , sans-serif">A fenced yard allows for dogs to move about more freely,
play exuberantly, chase each other or play fetch with you, explore freely with
their senses, and generally expend larger amounts of stored energy. Unlike dog
parks, which harbor lots of unknown variables, your own fenced yard tends to be
a safe place to run your pooch. If your dog isn’t wild about other dogs, but
has lots of energy, having your own secure yard will really help you meet his
needs. <b><a href="http://carpek9.com/A_DogParks.html" target="_blank">(I don’t care for dog parks, and here’s why.)</a></b></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: verdana;"><span face=""verdana" , sans-serif">A secure fence also keeps other dogs, kids, and some other
animals out. It can add privacy, as well as a layer of home security, too.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: verdana;"><span face=""verdana" , sans-serif">But many dog owners don’t understand that fenced yards have
some drawbacks, and even hazards. Let’s look at a few aspects of private yards
that you may not have considered.</span><br />
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<span face=""verdana" , sans-serif" style="font-family: verdana;">Dogs are moving animals, for the most part. In the wild,
when they are not denned up, canids move across large tracts of land regularly,
hunting, scavenging, exploring. Leashes, and by extension, fences, keep dogs
from moving in as large an area as they would often prefer. Since leashes and
fences keep dogs and people safe, and make dog ownership available to more
people, they are a necessity—so domestic dogs must learn to live less nomadic
lives. And they easily can. Once they bond to us, they don’t want to be far
from us, so they accept confinement as a trade-off.</span></div>
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<span face=""verdana" , sans-serif" style="font-family: verdana; font-size: large;"><b>Fences create barrier
frustration</b></span></h2>
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<span face=""verdana" , sans-serif" style="font-family: verdana;">But barriers like fences and leashes can cause frustration
in dogs who have not yet acclimated to them. Barrier frustration is common in
domestic dogs, and it can cause mild to serious problems. We’ve all seen dogs
who are being walked on leashes who lunge, growl, bark, snarl, and look like
Cujo when they pass other dogs on a walk. This <i>leash aggression</i> (or leash reactivity) is (at least partly) the result of pent-up
frustration at being restrained. A dog on the other side of a fence, especially
if it is also agitated, can create the same response.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: verdana;"><span face=""verdana" , sans-serif">If your dog and your neighbor’s dog “run the fence” a lot,
barking and getting agitated with each other, you should not sit on your patio
and think, “That’s good—they are both getting exercise.” It isn’t good.
Pressure is building, and that, coupled with the dog’s natural territorial
tendencies, could be a recipe for disaster.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: verdana;"><span face=""verdana" , sans-serif">Just this week, I learned of two separate incidents from two
separate dog training colleagues that happened through fences, involved serious
injury, and both chilled me. In both cases, neither of the perpetrator dogs had
<i>ever had problems with other dogs</i>
besides the dogs they shared a fence with. Both were fine with people and dogs
in open settings. The problem was localized to the barrier frustration, and the
arousal and stress that comes with it. If you want to read about the incidents,
you may do so at the end of this post*.</span><br />
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<span face=""verdana" , sans-serif" style="font-family: verdana;">Just yesterday, a client whose dog I worked with years ago
told me that her 2 dogs got into a pretty nasty fight while out in the yard.
These are dogs who have always gotten along just fine. But they both got to
chasing and barking at the neighbor’s dog on the other side of the fence, and
then the larger dog turned on the smaller. This is called <i>redirected aggression </i>and it can be serious.</span></div>
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<span face=""verdana" , sans-serif" style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;"><br /></span></h3>
<h2>
<span face=""verdana" , sans-serif" style="font-size: x-small;"><b><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: large;">Fenced yards aren’t
babysitters</span></b></span></h2>
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<span style="font-family: verdana;"><span face=""verdana" , sans-serif">I tell my students all the time: don’t leave your dogs
unattended, even in your own fenced yards. My dogs are never out in the yard
when we are not home, and when we are home, they are not out for more than a
few minutes without my wife or me being with them. The fence is currently
secure, and none of them can get out, or want to, so why am I so cautious?</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: verdana;"><span face=""verdana" , sans-serif">My dogs are small, so I worry about snakes, coyotes (who will jump a fence and grab small dogs and cats), and birds of
prey, mostly. I also worry about my neighbor’s cats, who love to jump over the
6-foot wooden fence and come into my yard. I don’t mind cats, but my dogs do.
If they were to catch a cat, or a squirrel, or a possum, they will not leave it
alone if I am not there to make them. So we watch them carefully, especially
after dark. Our dogs tend to be noisy when excited, as well, and no one wants
to hear a dog yapping for more than a minute or so.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: verdana;"><span face=""verdana" , sans-serif">If I’m there, I can call them away and keep them quieter and
calmer.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: verdana;"><span face=""verdana" , sans-serif">Dogs left alone in yards can also be subject to kids
sticking fingers through the fence to agitate them. They can ingest sticks or
other items that are harmful. They can bark for hours on end. They can destroy
a wooden deck, a lovely garden, a gutter system, or other property out of
boredom. They may go after a meter reader or landscaper, or escape the yard
when he or she enters. They can ingest items that shouldn’t be ingested—including
poisoned meat that your nasty neighbor throws over the fence (yes, this
happens). Dogs often need more supervision that you’d expect—especially when
they are younger or are new to you. Just because the neighbors aren’t
complaining doesn’t mean you are in the clear, either.</span><br />
<span face=""verdana" , sans-serif"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: verdana;"><span face=""verdana" , sans-serif">When asked where dogs should be left when no one is home, my
answer is “in a crate, until they can be safely weaned out to be left alone in
the house without being destructive—at a year of age or later.” There are some
exceptions to this rule, but not many.<br /><b><span face=""verdana" , sans-serif" style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></b></span><br />
</span><h2>
<span face=""verdana" , sans-serif"><b><span face=""verdana" , sans-serif" style="font-family: verdana; font-size: large;">Yards don’t exercise
dogs</span></b></span></h2>
</div>
<h2>
<b><span face=""verdana" , sans-serif" style="font-family: verdana; font-size: large;"><br /></span></b></h2>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face=""verdana" , sans-serif" style="font-family: verdana;">Your dog needs exercise, but he doesn’t necessarily know how
to use his time wisely. Often, he needs his human to help him exercise
properly. Playing fetch, playing tug, playing with other dogs (when
appropriate), and playing in ways that work the dogs muscles and heart are all
positive ways to fulfill his exercise needs. He needs you to help him work off
that energy in positive ways, instead of neurotic ones. Use the yard together
for best results.</span><br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgeyNdC0ugENbxIXT9CLA2_6bKqaICVl52hIqjLJTAHe9vqd6zaQbSy3Td9FZJmuFTUFJ6P4Xy0jwOYgrrTBtUp1X4dZPb3x0V3LCbmE52YQxs8plagR2hCurVPdyUW01_w2Gv3MCM2AfYG/s1600/dogescape.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><br /><img border="0" height="149" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgeyNdC0ugENbxIXT9CLA2_6bKqaICVl52hIqjLJTAHe9vqd6zaQbSy3Td9FZJmuFTUFJ6P4Xy0jwOYgrrTBtUp1X4dZPb3x0V3LCbmE52YQxs8plagR2hCurVPdyUW01_w2Gv3MCM2AfYG/s200/dogescape.jpg" width="200" /></a><span face=""verdana" , sans-serif"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face=""verdana" , sans-serif" style="font-family: verdana;">Also, your yard may be a great outdoor place for your dog, but it
doesn’t offer much in the way of novelty, which is necessary for mental
stimulation. Walks can be great for this, especially walks where you work on
some training as well as allow him to explore a bit.</span></div>
<h3>
<span face=""verdana" , sans-serif" style="font-family: verdana; font-size: small;"><br /></span></h3>
<div>
<span style="font-family: verdana;"><br /></span></div>
<h2>
<span face=""verdana" , sans-serif" style="font-family: verdana; font-size: large;"><b>Yards don’t train
dogs</b></span></h2>
<span style="font-family: verdana;"><br />
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: verdana;"><span face=""verdana" , sans-serif">I can’t tell you how often a dog owner tells me that they
don’t need to worry about housebreaking because Rover spends most of his time
in their yard. Not only does being in the yard most of the time <i>not </i>teach the dog how to be clean
indoors, it also doesn’t teach him how to be calm indoors, or around kids, or
how to behave in ways that make him a treasured family member and not a
nuisance. </span><br />
<span face=""verdana" , sans-serif"><br /></span>
<span face=""verdana" , sans-serif">Your yard doesn’t give your dog any guidance. It doesn’t make him a
better companion. It doesn’t teach him right from wrong. And unless you and
your family spend most of your waking hours in that yard too, it works against
you because your dog will do best when he is fully integrated into the
household and near his humans most of the time. If he’s never allowed to be
involved in your activities, how will he learn? If you don’t want to spend all
your time with the dog yelling at him to stop jumping on the kids or chewing
things, <i>train him</i>. And training
requires proximity. Don’t like dogs in the house? That's a perfectly fine desire <b><i>if you don't own a pet dog</i>.</b> </span><br />
<span face=""verdana" , sans-serif"><br /></span></span></div>
<h2>
<b><span face=""verdana" , sans-serif" style="font-family: verdana; font-size: large;">Yards can make dog
owners complacent</span></b></h2>
<h2>
<b><span face=""verdana" , sans-serif" style="font-family: verdana; font-size: large;"><br /></span></b></h2>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face=""verdana" , sans-serif" style="font-family: verdana;">It’s easy to become complacent when you have a nice fenced
yard. If you don’t have to take Rover for a walk every day out of necessity,
how often will you actually do it? Too many people with fenced yards don’t walk
their dogs enough, and may not be meeting the dog’s needs. It’s easy to think
that Rover is getting enough of what he needs, when he may not be. He also may
be getting into trouble that you may not notice right away. Walks give your dog
much-needed mental stimulation. Don’t neglect them.</span><br />
<span face=""verdana" , sans-serif"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgXNvfmjuP9W2qK7pnEaFs2UZuv0_wJqrMzxa52h58nDMn_dS9UU1tGsiaOo8KL0gx0q781PQQdo8XVKKhFI0jY891zysY7gOkK3f0l_bhEPt-qiyk9FS4zkKLUAsr5yh2IdH-f2xYoMegS/s1600/Dogwalking.JPG" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgXNvfmjuP9W2qK7pnEaFs2UZuv0_wJqrMzxa52h58nDMn_dS9UU1tGsiaOo8KL0gx0q781PQQdo8XVKKhFI0jY891zysY7gOkK3f0l_bhEPt-qiyk9FS4zkKLUAsr5yh2IdH-f2xYoMegS/s1600/Dogwalking.JPG" /></a><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span face=""verdana" , sans-serif">Is your dog hell on the leash? Training can fix that. It’s
worth the time and effort, believe me. You and your dog will be much happier
when he can walk nicely on a leash.</span><br />
<span face=""verdana" , sans-serif"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face=""verdana" , sans-serif" style="font-family: verdana;"><b>Doggy doors</b> can
make complacency even worse. Having access to a doggy door will not housebreak
most dogs—they need to be taken out and shown where to go. After housebreaking,
they may still have accidents even if they have access to the yard, especially
in a large house. And for dogs who run the fence, antagonize the neighbors’
dogs, or bark for the sheer fun of it, having access to do this incredibly
stimulating-but-harmful-for-everyone activity <i>any time they want</i> is a recipe for disaster.</span></div>
<h2>
<b><span face=""verdana" , sans-serif" style="font-family: verdana; font-size: large;"><br /></span></b></h2>
<h2>
<b><span face=""verdana" , sans-serif" style="font-family: verdana; font-size: large;">Why are you such a
buzzkill? Isn’t having a yard better than chaining my dog?</span></b></h2>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face=""verdana" , sans-serif" style="font-family: verdana;">Absolutely! I’m just trying to offer advice that you may not
have considered. There are a lot of upsides to a securely-fenced yard—more positives
than negatives, if you ask me. Use your fenced yard well, and enjoy it as a
tool to help you have a happy, balanced dog. Just be aware of the dangers, that’s
all.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face=""verdana" , sans-serif" style="font-family: verdana;">Thanks for reading.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: verdana;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: verdana;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: verdana;"><span face=""verdana" , sans-serif"><b>*(WARNING: graphic descriptions ahead.)</b> One of my colleagues
received an email from a client who reported that her neighbor’s smaller dog
managed to stick its nose through the fence separating their yards, and her
dog, a large mix, tore the other dog’s nose clean off (the victim had to be
euthanized). Apparently, the dogs had spent years at odds with each other
through the fence, and the frustration built to a fever pitch.<br />
<br />
The other colleague reported that a client of his had to euthanize his own dog
because it pushed its head through a broken fence slat, and it got stuck. It
began to scream in panic, and the dog on the other side ended up ripping its
ears off. (This sounds crazy, but dogs in a panicked state often invite
aggression from other dogs. Why? Perhaps it’s because high-pitched screaming
sounds like prey. Maybe because despite what we want to believe, animals don’t
have morals and whether they can feel compassion for other creatures who are
suffering is still in doubt. What is not in question is that a panicked animal
can easily become a victim.) The victim here was elderly and had lost too much
blood to be saved.</span><br />
<span face=""verdana" , sans-serif"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face=""verdana" , sans-serif" style="font-family: verdana;"><b>ONE LAST NOTE:</b> anecdotes are not data, firstly. Agreed! And there’s a difference between <i>possibility</i> and <i>probability</i>. But downplaying the latter can easily slide into blocking
out the former, so just be aware.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
Mailey E. McLaughlin, M.Ed.http://www.blogger.com/profile/06433597895952071846noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-793148027282086402.post-18461785657502712572016-10-24T15:39:00.001-04:002021-03-26T00:49:16.877-04:00One-Trial Learning<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhN4e-34JVNwoeDBqnjz3B1b9exTcDY6UXrN9IdCYLeIksm8hqlZ6qD3QcQXxRA0DU1KQ90K_2knIK46gas-Ev37t5sw7RLIPo4Utv-HBkGRRhzcTMUsOQn4BdvruByB2vntkrjfDu3LQS7/s1600/maggieheel.JPG" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhN4e-34JVNwoeDBqnjz3B1b9exTcDY6UXrN9IdCYLeIksm8hqlZ6qD3QcQXxRA0DU1KQ90K_2knIK46gas-Ev37t5sw7RLIPo4Utv-HBkGRRhzcTMUsOQn4BdvruByB2vntkrjfDu3LQS7/s320/maggieheel.JPG" width="179" /></a></div>
<span face=""verdana" , sans-serif">Remember,
if you can, learning how to ride a bike, or use roller skates, ride a
skateboard, throw or hit a ball, or dance a routine as a young child.</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face=""verdana" , "sans-serif""><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face=""verdana" , "sans-serif"">If you grew
up in the age before video, you were shown what to do by someone who had already
mastered the skill. Patiently or not, that person gave you the steps to follow,
and then allowed you to try. Maybe they moved your arms and legs, or maybe they
just talked you through it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face=""verdana" , "sans-serif""><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face=""verdana" , "sans-serif"">You failed
at first, didn’t you? You fell. The ball wobbled and landed nowhere near where
you were trying to throw it. You struck out—a lot. You got the dance steps
wrong, and out of sequence.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face=""verdana" , "sans-serif""><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face=""verdana" , "sans-serif"">Your
teacher showed you again. And you failed again. This process repeated itself,
for hours, days, or weeks, leaving you frustrated and feeling as if you’d never
“get it.” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face=""verdana" , "sans-serif""><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face=""verdana" , "sans-serif"">Then one
day as you were practicing, after a number of repetitions over the days or
weeks, the activity fell into place as if you’d always known how. Once you knew
it, you could never again <i>not</i> know
it. A feeling of euphoria washed over you. Your teacher celebrated with you.
Maybe you even skipped off to teach someone else.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face=""verdana" , "sans-serif""><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face=""verdana" , "sans-serif"">The next
time you went to learn a new skill, you knew it might take some time. You
instinctively knew that you would need to practice to get better, and this
knowledge boosted your self-confidence. Because what you wanted, now, more than anything, was that euphoria of getting it right. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face=""verdana" , "sans-serif""><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face=""verdana" , "sans-serif"">Now think
about, at around that same age, how you learned not to touch a hot stove.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face=""verdana" , "sans-serif""><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face=""verdana" , "sans-serif"">Was there
any practice involved in learning this important lesson? Not only did no one
demonstrate how to avoid the stove, you were actively warned <i>against</i> practice for this task.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face=""verdana" , "sans-serif""><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face=""verdana" , "sans-serif"">How quickly
did the learning occur? If you are like most people, you only needed one
repetition—just one—for this lesson to sink in.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face=""verdana" , "sans-serif""><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face=""verdana" , "sans-serif"">That is
what is known as “one-trial learning.” It’s behavior change that takes place
extremely quickly, typically because the consequences are painful, scary,
harmful, dire—or all of these. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face=""verdana" , "sans-serif""><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face=""verdana" , "sans-serif"">What does
this have to do with dogs?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face=""verdana" , "sans-serif""><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face=""verdana" , "sans-serif"">Dogs, like
most social beings, learn in many of the same ways we do: by practice, and
repetition, and by consequence (reward or punishment). Every behavior has a
consequence, and how the animal perceives that consequence determines whether
the animal will repeat (practice) the behavior. If the consequence pleases the
dog, he will practice more, and gradually improve to mastery. If the
consequence is displeasing, he might attempt the behavior a few more times,
then give up. If the consequence is scary, painful, or dire, he will cease the
behavior—usually after one trial.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face=""verdana" , "sans-serif""><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face=""verdana" , "sans-serif"">So what
does that mean for us, as dog owners and teachers?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face=""verdana" , "sans-serif""><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face=""verdana" , "sans-serif"">Why, when
teaching their dogs new behaviors, do so many owners assume that the dog should
know what to do after only one, three, or five successful repetitions? They weren’t
riding a bike as well as Lance Armstrong after one attempt, but they feel like
Fluffy should “get it” immediately. </span><span face=""verdana" , sans-serif" style="background: white; line-height: 107%;">Or, even worse, they assume Fluffy “knows” it and is just
disobeying to spite the<a href="https://www.blogger.com/null" name="_GoBack"></a>m! (This is definitely incorrect. Owners often assume knowledge on the dog's part where it does not exist. Do not fall into this trap.)</span><span face=""verdana" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face=""verdana" , sans-serif" style="background: white; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face=""verdana" , "sans-serif"">Maybe this
expectation stems from our “want it now, get it now” culture. We are an impatient species these days, and we suffer for it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face=""verdana" , "sans-serif""><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face=""verdana" , "sans-serif"">Wherever it
comes from, it’s not helpful.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face=""verdana" , "sans-serif""><br /></span></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjVSfSpeVkl4G6JDNVgSFxODO6yZGVl_EOWI0A7Q_af3L56v6DR4VS2Sb1XwUGLOzl1UQykviqybVmxOFdADdIIluKwQ6mNH1EnN_k1zU76UdHmEz2RhneTzcDtqIrjJNXWvdc5aPAF438-/s1600/IMG_8276.JPG" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="80" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjVSfSpeVkl4G6JDNVgSFxODO6yZGVl_EOWI0A7Q_af3L56v6DR4VS2Sb1XwUGLOzl1UQykviqybVmxOFdADdIIluKwQ6mNH1EnN_k1zU76UdHmEz2RhneTzcDtqIrjJNXWvdc5aPAF438-/s320/IMG_8276.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">It took the owners of these recent Intermediate Class graduates months to get them to a place where they could "stay" this close to other dogs and be calm. It doesn't happen by accident--it takes practice.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face=""verdana" , "sans-serif""><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face=""verdana" , "sans-serif""><i>No good
training uses dire (scary, harmful, painful) consequences to teach new
behaviors like sitting, coming when called, or lying down.</i> When we want a
behavior to continue, we use pleasant consequences after it occurs (or we help
it to occur). <b><u>Since we are not using dire consequences, we will need multiple
repetitions to get the dog to a place of mastery.</u></b> These multiple repetitions
should happen over a period of days, weeks, even months. There is no humane way
to get “one-trial learning” of a positive behavior like “come.” It takes the
time it takes, with multiple reps in “easy” locations, then in different
locations under different conditions, so that the dog understands.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face=""verdana" , "sans-serif""></span><br />
<span face=""verdana" , "sans-serif""></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face=""verdana" , sans-serif">Also: your dog enjoys those euphoria moments, too! When he gets it right and you rejoice in his success, your bond grows.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face=""verdana" , "sans-serif""><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face=""verdana" , "sans-serif"">This is
textbook learning theory, and there aren’t any shortcuts that work. Dog
training takes patience, just like learning to throw a ball. Practice daily, reward
small successes, and give it time to work, just like your parents, teachers,
coaches and friends did with you.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face=""verdana" , sans-serif"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face=""verdana" , sans-serif">The
relationship that blossoms with your dog may surprise you.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face=""verdana" , "sans-serif""><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face=""verdana" , "sans-serif""><br /></span></div>
Mailey E. McLaughlin, M.Ed.http://www.blogger.com/profile/06433597895952071846noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-793148027282086402.post-48037257774197240992016-05-19T12:25:00.001-04:002016-05-19T12:25:20.297-04:00A Sense of Entitlement<div style="background: white;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif";">Quick quiz: you are walking down the street and someone (a
stranger to you) with a dog is walking towards you. The dog is calm and appears
well-behaved, and both he and the owner are minding their own business. You
love dogs, of course (yours is not with you at the moment). What should you do?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="background: white;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif";"><br /></span></div>
<div style="background: white;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif";"><b>A:</b> Start squealing in a high-pitched baby voice at the dog while
moving towards it with your hands outstretched. If it's small enough, go right
over and pick it up, then kiss it. If it’s a big dog, bend over it and kiss it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="background: white;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif";"><br /></span></div>
<div style="background: white;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif";"><b>B:</b> Start cooing in a sing-song voice, stop, bend over and wait
for the dog to get close, then try to pet it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="background: white;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif";"><br /></span></div>
<div style="background: white;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif";"><b>C:</b> Squat down, talking sweetly to the dog, and wait until it
comes to you, then let it sniff your hand, and pet it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="background: white;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif";"><br /></span></div>
<div style="background: white;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif";"><b>D:</b> Ask the owner if you can pet the dog, and then do C.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="background: white;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif";"><br /></span></div>
<div style="background: white;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif";"><b>E:</b> None of the above. It's not your dog, and you don't have a
right to pet it. Smile at the owner, say, "cute puppy!" and continue
walking.<br />
<br />
Did you choose <b>(D)</b>?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="background: white;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif";"><br /></span></div>
<div style="background: white;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif";">The correct answer is <b>(E)</b>.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="background: white;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif";"><br /></span></div>
<div style="background: white;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif";">What? Did I just tell you to pretty much ignore a dog on the
street, even though it's adorable and you clearly love dogs?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="background: white;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif";"><br /></span></div>
<div style="background: white;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif";">Sigh. I did.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="background: white;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif";"><br /></span></div>
<div style="background: white;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif";">Would you walk up to a stranger and pet their child on the head?
Would you touch them? Would you walk up and grab someone's bike, or phone, or
dress, and admire it? If the person with the dog was walking without his dog,
would you stop him, touch his arm, and interact with him, just because? Why
not?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="background: white;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif";"><br /></span></div>
<div style="background: white;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif";">Because it would be rude.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="background: white;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif";"><br /></span></div>
<div style="background: white;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif";">When you go to pet someone's dog, someone who has not explicitly
asked you to interact with the dog, you are making an assumption, and you put
the owner in a tough spot. If they refuse you, you will think them rude. Why is
that?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="background: white;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif";"><br /></span></div>
<div style="background: white;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif";">Dogs are not public property, despite the apparent eagerness of
many to be social. If you would feel hurt that someone wouldn't allow you—lover
of all dogs--to pet their pup, you need to look at your assumptions--and your desires. </span></div>
<div style="background: white;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif";"><br /></span></div>
<div style="background: white;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif";">Because wanting to pet that dog is <i>your </i>desire, <i>your </i>want. It's all about you. It doesn't take the dog, or his human, into account at all.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="background: white;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif";"><br /></span></div>
<div style="background: white;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif";">Just because <i>your</i> dog
loves people, and just because <i>you</i>
love dogs, that doesn't grant you the right to interact with others' dogs
without explicit permission.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="background: white;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif";"><br /></span></div>
<div style="background: white;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif";">If their dog is sketchy around strangers, they don't want you to
try and pet it (and you shouldn't want to!). Telling them, "It's ok! Dogs
love me!" as you approach and as their dog clearly turns away from you (or
growls or barks at you) is <i>not </i>OK. Continuing to approach a dog that is barking
in a threatening manner, instead of backing off, is <i>not </i>OK.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="background: white;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif";"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiiQ3VNE-bpURVkqVnpOs7CG6KUhEOok53t0O1HYLaaHGbD7bvgFt4UBjnXoUmpyZRZW_3Szk5KdRe2ZEpiQ3PYTmvOqDkLWUp34gjoQbxOLEW-V22Hzhb_DrRbscvpDvcHYZ3tqKhtqGiq/s1600/caneloheel.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiiQ3VNE-bpURVkqVnpOs7CG6KUhEOok53t0O1HYLaaHGbD7bvgFt4UBjnXoUmpyZRZW_3Szk5KdRe2ZEpiQ3PYTmvOqDkLWUp34gjoQbxOLEW-V22Hzhb_DrRbscvpDvcHYZ3tqKhtqGiq/s320/caneloheel.jpg" width="177" /></a></div>
<div style="background: white;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif";">If their dog is in training, they may be concentrating on that,
and following the advice of a professional to prevent others from touching the
dog (I give this advice a lot to my students).<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif";"><br /></span></div>
<div style="background: white;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif";">If their dog is <i>too</i> social, and will jump all over you, they may
be embarrassed about this and trying not to encourage it. <i>Even the dog that is
clearly straining to be petted belongs to someone who may not want him to be doing
that.</i><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="background: white;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif";"><br /></span></div>
<div style="background: white;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif";">Please don't put people in an awkward position. You would blame
them if the dog bit you (or scratched you in his exuberance), when in fact it
would be <i>your </i>fault if you invaded his space. Some dogs just are not social
with strangers, and you believing yourself “good with dogs” doesn't imbue you with some magical force that makes it OK. In fact, if you are actually “good with dogs,”
you’d never try to pet one you didn’t know—especially one who was clearly
sending signals that he didn’t want to be petted.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="background: white;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif";"><br /></span></div>
<div style="background: white;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif";">(People who are “good with dogs” don’t typically announce this
fact. They act in ways that dogs understand to be non-threatening. It’s not
magic—it’s experience. And practice.)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="background: white;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif";"><br /></span></div>
<div style="background: white;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif";">I don't allow people to pet my dogs when I'm out. They don't
care for attention from strangers, and often, we are in training. I never foist
myself upon dogs I see in passing. I smile and compliment them, and go home to
love on my dogs, because each of us knows and trusts the other. I love dogs,
yes, but because I love them, I don’t have a searing need to interact with
every one I see--especially uninvited. Self-control around dogs takes some practice, but you can do it. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="background: white;">
<br /></div>
<div style="background: white;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif";">I once entered a pet supply store with my dog, who I was
training. I needed to buy something, and I wanted to work my dog around the
distractions of the store while I was doing it. Everything was fine, and my dog
was doing quite well, until one of the clerks spotted us. She literally started
squealing and following us around the store (I started moving quickly away, on
purpose) with her hands outstretched.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="background: white;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif";"><br /></span></div>
<div style="background: white;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif";">My dog was looking to me for help to get him away from this
crazy person, and I could not shake her. I finally had to stop, put my dog in a
stay behind me, and block her approach like a soccer goalie. She finally asked
if she could touch him, and I said no, not rudely, but with conviction. She got
her feelings hurt, sure enough (not my intention at all), and probably told her co-worker how rude I was
as we<a href="https://www.blogger.com/null" name="_GoBack"></a> left without buying anything, both of us breathing
a sigh of relief upon stepping out into the sunlight.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif";"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif";">My job was to protect my dog, and I did.</span></div>
<div style="background: white;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif";"><br /></span></div>
<div style="background: white;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif";"><b>NOTE</b>: I’m not an absolutist. Life is full of shades of gray.
Many dogs love people, and want to approach them, and belong to people who are
trying to socialize them, and can handle your greetings properly. Many people
don’t mind if you pet their dogs. In fact, some may ask you to. Some may even
become offended if you <i>don’t</i> touch
their dogs! If you meet such people with such dogs, see option D above. And enjoy!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="background: white;">
<br /></div>
<div style="background: white;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif";">Otherwise, please keep moving.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
Mailey E. McLaughlin, M.Ed.http://www.blogger.com/profile/06433597895952071846noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-793148027282086402.post-1313750233200870762016-03-28T15:20:00.001-04:002016-11-14T22:27:38.598-05:00A Tired Dog is a Good Dog<h4 style="background-color: white; line-height: 20.16px;">
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-weight: normal;">A while
back, I was on a dog-related forum and a member was talking about how she is
taking her dog to a training class for the first time. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-weight: normal;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-weight: normal;">She remarked, "<i>It's amazing how the mental workout exhausts her</i>."<br />
</span></div>
<div style="font-family: verdana, arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13.44px;">
<span style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">
This is something many dog owners don't realize. <i>Mental stimulation
provides a more lasting calm than physical exercise, especially for
physical dogs.<br />
</i></span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">
Does that seem odd?</span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: verdana, arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13.44px;">
<span style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">
Physical exercise is, of course, necessary on a daily basis for all dogs. But
there is a huge difference between allowing the dog to run pell-mell for
an hour at the dog park and stimulating it mentally for as little as 20
minutes. The former often serves to ramp the dog up, while the latter
helps him calm down.</span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: verdana, arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13.44px;">
<span style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">
Exercise is important, but it should be the right kind of exercise, and include
a mental component. This can be obedience work, <a href="http://www.k9nosework.com/" target="_blank">nosework</a>, exploring
new places on a walk (with structure--especially the "heel"
command), or games like "find it" inside the house.</span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: verdana, arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13.44px;">
<span style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">
More exercise just creates a more physically fit dog, and one that requires
even more exercise to tire. Ever started an exercise regimen? If you are
out of shape, it doesn't take much to tire you. But keep at it, day after
day, and soon you can walk or run or work out longer and farther without
tiring. You hit a fat-burning plateau, and now you have to really bust
your butt to keep losing weight or build muscle.</span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: verdana, arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13.44px;">
<span style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">
Over-exercise a dog, and you get a very fit dog who now requires 2 hours of
running to tire instead of one. (This is especially true of the muscular
breeds like pits, boxers, and other “bully”-type dogs.) I can’t tell you
how many times I’ve had owners tell me “I run my dog 5 miles a day, and he is
never tired!” No wonder—he’s the canine equivalent of an endurance runner.</span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: verdana, arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13.44px;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-weight: normal; line-height: 16.15pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: verdana, arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13.44px;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-weight: normal; line-height: 16.15pt;">The nice thing about mental stimulation, on the other hand, is that is has no fitness plateau. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
</div>
</h4>
<h4 style="background-color: white; line-height: 20.16px;">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEizTEr9jsRi6jXWFPBNSiKFc797KZsiG8wYeaIv9ZexC42fFamd9u5RijdDWuMIiY69egNmKEy3HICwXnMxxoG1skaYL3-PJCD_nPj6XWIyClqYw-NsydFdA2bKOBfvRU2F5OYVQU8bGb5B/s1600/Yukon1smallblog.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img alt="" border="0" height="146" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEizTEr9jsRi6jXWFPBNSiKFc797KZsiG8wYeaIv9ZexC42fFamd9u5RijdDWuMIiY69egNmKEy3HICwXnMxxoG1skaYL3-PJCD_nPj6XWIyClqYw-NsydFdA2bKOBfvRU2F5OYVQU8bGb5B/s200/Yukon1smallblog.jpg" title="Chihuahua lying down" width="200" /></a><span style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">
Think about the last time you spent an hour or more studying for an exam, or
muddling over a thorny mental conundrum. I’ll bet it made your brain
tired. Did you sleep well after that, especially if you figured out the
problem? </span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: verdana, arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13.44px;">
<span style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">
(Sometimes, going to bed <i>before</i> you
figure out the answer, and sleeping on it, will help you solve the problem—see
the link at the bottom of this post.)</span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: verdana, arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13.44px;">
<span style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">
Having your dog complete obedience tasks every single day, and changing those
up a bit, is one way to provide mental stimulation that benefits your dog
in ways beyond your relationship. Do you walk your dog every day? You
should—even if he has a yard to play in. Walks are mental stimulation,
even if you take the same route every day.</span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: verdana, arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13.44px;">
<span style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">
Philosopher Heraclitus said, “<i>No man steps in the same river twice.</i>” The
smells and sights and sounds of a walk are always different for your dog,
and that’s what counts (though mixing the route up and exploring new
walking places is even more fun, so try it!). Throw in some sits, stays,
downs, heeling, and recalls on a walk, and you are giving your dog
some nice challenges.</span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: verdana, arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13.44px;">
<span style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">
Do you enjoy teaching your dog tricks? It's fun for both of you, and yes, it is
mentally challenging. Capitalize on the things your dog already likes to do,
name them, and reward them. Voila!</span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: verdana, arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13.44px;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-weight: normal; line-height: 16.15pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: verdana, arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13.44px;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-weight: normal; line-height: 16.15pt;">For instance, if your dog likes to roll over on his back and throw his legs in the air, he is already doing "play dead." Name it and reward it! Use a treat to get him to roll all the way over, and, you guessed it: you have "roll over." Does he like to stand on his hind legs and dance? Hold a treat just slightly over his mouth and tell him "dance." Now you have a new trick! One of my dogs likes to bury her face in your armpit. Call that "are you embarrassed?" and reward it when she does it. Now you have a cute parlor trick.</span></div>
</h4>
<h4 style="background-color: white; line-height: 20.16px;">
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-weight: normal;">These things are also fun on rainy days, or when you can't get the dog out and about for regular exercise.</span></div>
</h4>
<h4 style="background-color: white; line-height: 20.16px;">
<div style="font-family: verdana, arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13.44px;">
<span style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">
One final note. After a round of mentally-challenging tasks, put your dog away
(in a crate, for instance) for an hour or two, with no stimulation. This allows
him to "think" about what he has learned. <span style="color: blue;"><a href="http://carpek9.blogspot.com/2010/08/cogitate-on-it.html" target="_blank">I call it "gestating." It's good for dogs and
people. </a></span></span></span></div>
<span style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: blue; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">
Make the most of your day, and your dog.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;"><br /></span></span>
<br />
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<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
</h4>
Mailey E. McLaughlin, M.Ed.http://www.blogger.com/profile/06433597895952071846noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-793148027282086402.post-66804840061935407782015-11-13T17:52:00.002-05:002021-05-19T23:55:57.768-04:00You Keep Saying That Word...<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face="Verdana, sans-serif" style="font-family: verdana;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjbCHy218UHjeoEgb0s_BuAADTOsEZ3joHj3g4Q9X9KlmBuPjKAFoSAmBtdfBGBXD6-iY_SWWAcP5v3OTeaNGi5iiGubxANsMSRyk3ZNDOnaE5P_ntz9Frzw5Q9RqSx-qHVitZHGwe5O61o/s2048/driftwood+beach+stump.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1536" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjbCHy218UHjeoEgb0s_BuAADTOsEZ3joHj3g4Q9X9KlmBuPjKAFoSAmBtdfBGBXD6-iY_SWWAcP5v3OTeaNGi5iiGubxANsMSRyk3ZNDOnaE5P_ntz9Frzw5Q9RqSx-qHVitZHGwe5O61o/s320/driftwood+beach+stump.jpg" /></a></div><br />Your dog sits. You go to give him a treat and he stands up
to get it. You think you rewarded him for sitting.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face="Verdana, sans-serif" style="font-family: verdana;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face="Verdana, sans-serif" style="font-family: verdana;">Your dog doesn’t come when you call him. When he finally
wanders over, you are angry and pop him with your hand, or shake him by the
collar. You think you punished him for not coming.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face="Verdana, sans-serif" style="font-family: verdana;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face="Verdana, sans-serif" style="font-family: verdana;">You come home to find poop on the rug. You yell at, or spank
the dog. You think you are punishing him for pooping in the house.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face="Verdana, sans-serif" style="font-family: verdana;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face="Verdana, sans-serif" style="font-family: verdana;">You send your dog out in the fenced yard to potty. He walks
25 feet away and pees and poops. You call him and he runs in, and you give him
a treat. You think you rewarded him for pottying outside.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face="Verdana, sans-serif" style="font-family: verdana;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face="Verdana, sans-serif" style="font-family: verdana;">You walk in the room to find your puppy chewing your shoes.
You yell “NO!” really loudly, and when you do, he looks up in surprise at the sound. You say
nothing. You think you corrected him and he now knows not to chew your shoe.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face="Verdana, sans-serif" style="font-family: verdana;"><br /></span></div>
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<span face="Verdana, sans-serif" style="font-family: verdana;">You are walking your dog and he sees another dog, or a
person. He starts to bark and whine, or growl. You shorten the leash and pet
him soothingly. “It’s OK, Fido. That dog is friendly!” He keeps barking and
straining at the leash, and you keep petting. You think you are comforting your
dog.</span></div>
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<span face="Verdana, sans-serif" style="font-family: verdana;"><br /></span></div>
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<span face="Verdana, sans-serif" style="font-family: verdana;">You sit down to watch TV or read, and your dog barks at you,
paws at you, or pesters you for attention. You stop what you are doing and
respond to him by grabbing his favorite toy and throwing it for him to fetch.
You think you are meeting the dog’s need for play appropriately.</span></div>
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<span face="Verdana, sans-serif" style="font-family: verdana;"><br /></span></div>
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<span face="Verdana, sans-serif" style="font-family: verdana;">You tell your dog to sit, or stay, or lie down. He gets up
and walks off. You do nothing. You think “he wasn’t interested, and that’s OK.”
You think it doesn’t matter that he ignored you.</span></div>
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<span face="Verdana, sans-serif" style="font-family: verdana;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face="Verdana, sans-serif" style="font-family: verdana;">You tell your dog to sit, or stay, come, or lie down. He
doesn’t. You pull out a treat to entice him. You think you are rewarding the behavior itself.</span></div>
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<span face="Verdana, sans-serif" style="font-family: verdana;"><br /></span></div>
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<span face="Verdana, sans-serif" style="font-family: verdana;">You don’t want the dog on the bed, but your husband doesn’t
care either way, and doesn’t make him get down when he jumps on it. You think
your dog understands that it’s not OK to get on the bed.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face="Verdana, sans-serif" style="font-family: verdana;"><br /></span></div>
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<span face="Verdana, sans-serif" style="font-family: verdana;">All of these common scenarios play out in homes everywhere
on a daily basis. Dogs do something, and people respond in ways they feel are
appropriate. But as time passes, the dog’s behavior worsens. The owners think
they are doing everything right, and cannot understand why Fido isn’t trained.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: verdana;"><br /></span></div>
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<span face=""trebuchet ms" , sans-serif" style="font-family: verdana;"><span style="font-size: large;">“What we’ve got here is a failure to communicate.”</span> ~Cool
Hand Luke</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: verdana;"><br /></span></div>
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<span face=""trebuchet ms" , sans-serif"><span face="Verdana, sans-serif" style="font-family: verdana;">What people need to understand that dogs don’t just “know” how to
behave the way we expect. They must be taught, the same way you were taught to
tie your shoes or eat with utensils. No one would expect a 4-year-old to know
how to ride a bicycle without training wheels and a helpful adult. But every
day, dog owners expect their puppies and dogs to read their minds and know what
is expected of them.</span></span></div>
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<span face=""trebuchet ms" , sans-serif"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxFK7DaRcmj-2hkMxcxDeZmL9YdFo_bMymwudo4wq4fjpEOU6zjlPYFFoVfMZktH4nLkel4ccitb3oPCPxbHUQyVWsxAzz291r-cY5VNOpH0Isc4j2TFYIKx0KbeZPZcUq2KcNIUhFYKLs/s1600/baddogcouncilcomicblog.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="135" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxFK7DaRcmj-2hkMxcxDeZmL9YdFo_bMymwudo4wq4fjpEOU6zjlPYFFoVfMZktH4nLkel4ccitb3oPCPxbHUQyVWsxAzz291r-cY5VNOpH0Isc4j2TFYIKx0KbeZPZcUq2KcNIUhFYKLs/s400/baddogcouncilcomicblog.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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<span face=""trebuchet ms" , sans-serif"><br /></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span face="Verdana, sans-serif" style="font-family: verdana;">I think this discord results from our idea of what dogs are
capable of knowing. They fit so well socially into our lives and homes that we
assume they already know the rules. But the only rules they know instinctively that pertain to living with humans are the <i>ones that bond them to us</i>, not the ones governing proper home behavior. It’s
instinctual for dogs to eat anything (or try to) that is in front of them, to
chew things, to poop and pee when the need arises, to chase things that move,
to bark at novel things or beings, to protect their territory, to seek out
things that are fun, and avoid things that are uncomfortable. Some of these things they
are born knowing how to do. Others they learn before they leave the mother dog and littermates.</span></div>
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<span face="Verdana, sans-serif" style="font-family: verdana;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face="Verdana, sans-serif" style="font-family: verdana;"><span face=""trebuchet ms" , sans-serif">If you want them to do other things instead of these, you
need to show them what you want, clearly, using </span><span face=""trebuchet ms" , sans-serif">well-timed, appropriate </span><span face=""trebuchet ms" , sans-serif">rewards and corrections. You need to prevent them being able to practice the
behaviors they know and love that you <i>don’t</i>
love. The job of this education is yours. It doesn’t happen by accident. </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face="Verdana, sans-serif" style="font-family: verdana;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face="Verdana, sans-serif" style="font-family: verdana;">When your dog sits, then gets up and gets a treat, he thinks
that “sit” means “put your bottom down, then get up.” Is that what you meant?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face="Verdana, sans-serif" style="font-family: verdana;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face="Verdana, sans-serif" style="font-family: verdana;">When your dog ignores your call and you get mad when he
finally arrives, your dog thinks that “Come!” means “Avoid the human, because
she’s a little crazy.”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face="Verdana, sans-serif" style="font-family: verdana;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face="Verdana, sans-serif" style="font-family: verdana;">When your dog poops in the house and you punish him
after-the-fact, your dog thinks “don’t be in the same room with a pile of poop
if a human is coming. Better hide!”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face="Verdana, sans-serif" style="font-family: verdana;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face="Verdana, sans-serif" style="font-family: verdana;"><span face=""trebuchet ms" , sans-serif">When you treat your dog after he comes back in the house
after a potty break, your dog learns that coming into the house is good. He
doesn’t learn to </span><span face="'trebuchet ms', sans-serif">only</span><span face="'trebuchet ms', sans-serif"> potty outside.</span></span></div>
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<span face="Verdana, sans-serif" style="font-family: verdana;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face="Verdana, sans-serif" style="font-family: verdana;">When you yell at the puppy who is chewing your shoes, and he
looks up and you do nothing, he learns that chewing shoes is fun and paying
attention to humans gets you... nothing.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face="Verdana, sans-serif" style="font-family: verdana;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face="Verdana, sans-serif" style="font-family: verdana;">When your dog is stressed or upset and vocalizing, and you
pet him, he thinks, “My human must like it when I do this. I’ll do it some
more!”<span style="color: #990000; font-size: large;">*</span></span></div>
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<span face="Verdana, sans-serif" style="font-family: verdana;"><br /></span></div>
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<span face="Verdana, sans-serif" style="font-family: verdana;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjj6DmjysF42FqkvTAirNXsXHSwxvGbPov2E53s6kPoJlF2Lu197ulniH_HKgab3TK5DuOhIrahUykiwr8W2_osRxaYXzrt8H1akhTx71PopTnI6y3-ioudTAcPSi2gyCmWyXrh5RT0bX2u/s300/dog+with+toy.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="274" data-original-width="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjj6DmjysF42FqkvTAirNXsXHSwxvGbPov2E53s6kPoJlF2Lu197ulniH_HKgab3TK5DuOhIrahUykiwr8W2_osRxaYXzrt8H1akhTx71PopTnI6y3-ioudTAcPSi2gyCmWyXrh5RT0bX2u/s0/dog+with+toy.jpg" /></a></div><br />When you respond to your dog’s obnoxious attempts to get
your attention with talking, play, or anything else he enjoys, you teach him that he needs only to demand something, and he
will get it.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face="Verdana, sans-serif" style="font-family: verdana;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face="Verdana, sans-serif" style="font-family: verdana;">When you allow your dog to ignore a command, he learns that
he can ignore you.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face="Verdana, sans-serif" style="font-family: verdana;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face="Verdana, sans-serif" style="font-family: verdana;">When you produce a treat (to entice a behavior) after the
dog has ignored your command, your dog learns to ignore you until he sees “the
goods.”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face="Verdana, sans-serif" style="font-family: verdana;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face="Verdana, sans-serif" style="font-family: verdana;">When you allow your husband to let the dog remain on the
bed, your dog learns that he can get on the bed. “Occasionally” and “sometimes”
are meaningless words to dogs.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: verdana;"><br /></span></div>
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<span face=""trebuchet ms" , sans-serif" style="font-family: verdana;"><span style="font-size: large;">“What looks like resistance is often a lack of clarity.”</span>
~Daniel Heath</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: verdana;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face="Verdana, sans-serif" style="font-family: verdana;">Be clear. Be concise. Be a communicator. Don’t make your dog
guess about behaviors that really matter. <b>Do you know of any meaningful, lasting relationships that thrive without clear communication? I don't.</b></span></div>
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<span face="Verdana, sans-serif" style="font-family: verdana;"><br /></span></div>
<span style="font-family: verdana;"><span face="Verdana, sans-serif">All behaviors matter. Help your dog succeed. If you won’t do
it, who will?</span><br />
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span face="Verdana, sans-serif" style="font-family: verdana;"><a href="https://www.blogger.com/null" name="_GoBack"></a></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face="Verdana, sans-serif" style="font-family: verdana;"><br /></span></div>
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<span face="Verdana, sans-serif" style="font-family: verdana;">FINAL NOTE: You, presumably, are a human being. You make mistakes. Dogs are exceedingly open to changing their ways if you want to make changes. Don't beat yourself up if every "you" in the above post actually applies to you. It doesn't have to. I am not beating you up, and you shouldn't beat you up, either. </span></div>
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<span face="Verdana, sans-serif" style="font-family: verdana;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: verdana;"><span face="Verdana, sans-serif">Now you know better, so you can do better. Take a deep breath, and get started.</span><br />
<span face="Verdana, sans-serif"><span face=""trebuchet ms" , sans-serif"><br /></span>
<span face=""trebuchet ms" , sans-serif" style="color: #cc0000; font-size: x-small;">*This doesn't necessarily pertain to situations in which a dog is truly in a panic, such as during a thunderstorm or fireworks. Sometimes, hands calmly on a dog can calm them. But this is rarely the case with a dog barking at people, dogs, or objects.</span></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span face="Verdana, sans-serif"><span face=""trebuchet ms" , sans-serif"><br /></span></span></div>
Mailey E. McLaughlin, M.Ed.http://www.blogger.com/profile/06433597895952071846noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-793148027282086402.post-64999428243789857852015-03-03T22:01:00.000-05:002017-12-29T22:56:18.781-05:00Having Second Thoughts<h2>
"The emotional tail wags the rational dog." ~Jon Haidt</h2>
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<br /></div>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiWam2OlUhkmC1cbv4UHBhGdr36XDtiEDWex9JkNnygMtulGsFf4RXmSGeJys8hn6bqHfbj1XJ15oHNtMImg3tLtKozoBg3BHDxQPbanOU1RJ-JxSxuKgzZVfwuMsV_Rt_j0MqwdMjEqjRx/s1600/newyearsres.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="714" data-original-width="640" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiWam2OlUhkmC1cbv4UHBhGdr36XDtiEDWex9JkNnygMtulGsFf4RXmSGeJys8hn6bqHfbj1XJ15oHNtMImg3tLtKozoBg3BHDxQPbanOU1RJ-JxSxuKgzZVfwuMsV_Rt_j0MqwdMjEqjRx/s320/newyearsres.jpg" width="286" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Our brains process tens of thousands of separate thoughts
per day, about 70,000, to be more precise. In the span of 1 minute, people
generally have between 35 and 48 distinct thoughts. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Some of these thoughts will germinate into great ideas. Some
will simply help us get through the day. Most will bounce off around our brains
and fade into nothingness, never to be acted upon, or even remembered seconds
later.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Most of these thoughts seem disparate and disjointed as we
think them, and many of them are. It seems like we cannot control our thoughts
most of the time, at least not unless we try pretty hard. But science has shown
us that we can control them. Then why don’t many of us even try?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">We think the way we do most often out of habit. But habits
can be broken, and changed. It’s easy to fall into patterns of thought, and
eventually to believe our thoughts are true, even when they may not be. Then,
we surround ourselves with like-minded people, read only like-minded websites,
watch like-minded TV, read like-minded books. We can change our thoughts, but
most of us choose not to. It’s comfortable to be in that cocoon, thinking you
are right about pretty much everything. People don’t like to have their beliefs
questioned, and often get defensive when they are. Asking them to voluntarily
change their thinking, to question what they’ve always known, usually gets one
rebuffed--soundly.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">But I want to challenge you to do just that. Because
voluntarily changing how you think can change your world, and could possibly
change <i>the</i> world. Being able to open
your mind to the possibility that there could be more than one answer to some
of the biggest questions of life will strain your brain, and make you smarter and
more empathetic.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<h4>
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Critical Thinking: </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #252525; font-family: sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 22.3999996185303px;"> the i</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #252525; font-family: sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 22.3999996185303px;">ntellectually disciplined process of actively and skillfully conceptualizing, applying, analyzing, synthesizing, and/or evaluating information gathered from, or generated by, observation, experience, reflection, reasoning, or communication, as a guide to belief and action.</span></h4>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Here is the challenge I make to you. It’s very, very
difficult to control the initial, immediate thought you have when you meet a
new person, or hear of an emotional event, or experience something out of your
comfort zone. That initial thought springs up unbidden, and generally mirrors
past thoughts on like events or people. Those initial thoughts are very
difficult to control.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">But the thought that immediately follows that one? Oh, that
one you can change. And you should.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Let me give you an example. You are perusing Facebook and
see a story about a skinny dog that was tied outside of a shelter during the night,
and was found the next morning cold and wet by the shelter staff, who took the
dog in and are now caring for it.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">You love animals. You are incensed by this wanton act of
cruelty. Your first thought is, “How could anyone leave a dog tied up in the
rain, tossed away like trash?” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">If you don’t try to change your next thoughts, they will
sound an awful lot like the first one. <i>And
what good does that do you? Or the dog?<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Try stopping the cavalcade of negative thoughts about this
situation and attempt to see it from another perspective. After you acknowledge
your anger and frustration, have a different thought. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Here are some possibilities:</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">“At least they left him at a shelter, instead of dumping him
along the side of the road.”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">“Maybe they had been evicted and were at the end of their rope,
and had nowhere else to turn.”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">“Maybe he bit their child, and they were scared of him.”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">“Maybe he is very sick, and they panicked.”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">“Maybe they actually loved him very much.”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Wait, WHAT? Do you think that I think that tying a dog to a
shelter fence in the rain is a good way of showing love?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">I do not.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Why, then, would I ask you to even entertain that thought,
ridiculous as it sounds?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Because it could actually be true. Yes. It could.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Regardless of whether it is actually true (because, let’s
face it, you will likely never know much more about this situation that this
story tells you), <i>you believing it could
be true does no one any harm.</i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">That’s right. It could be true. Why not acknowledge that,
instead of just jumping right to the negativity and anger at the Whole Human
Race? Having some empathy for the dog’s previous owners empowers you to act
differently. You can still feel sadness for the dog’s plight, and thankfulness
for the shelter staff rescuing him. You can still be angry if you want to, but
why not direct that anger in a positive way? Be angry that there are no
low-cost veterinary clinics in your area, or that people have misconceptions
about shelters and what kinds of dogs can be found there for adoption. Be angry
that existing laws don’t do enough to keep animals safer. Then, do something
positive with that anger.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Assuming the worst of people in every situation doesn’t
improve anyone. And the media and social media serve up tons of stories
designed to evoke anger, disgust, and negativity. Sure, there are some news
outlets that try to counter this trend with feel-good journalism, and that’s a
welcome sight. But the negative stories always outweigh the positive. Why? <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Negativity_bias">Because our brains are
hardwired to pay more attention to the negative.</a></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">When you start to change your Second Thought, you begin to
strengthen your empathy muscle. Anger can indeed drive us, but empathy can
drive us to more positive change. Be angry at systems and bureaucracies and
gridlock and partisanship. Heck, be angry at some individuals, if you must. But
try to stretch your brain around the idea that <i>most everyone is doing the best
they can with what they have in that moment.</i> You are free to disagree with
their choices. You are free to place blame, even.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">But what if you first acknowledge that you don’t have all
the facts, and that, in and of itself, should stop you from continuing your initial
train of thought.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">I’m not telling you that you </span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">must</span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"> </span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">always think the best of
people. People often make crappy decisions; rotten ones, even. People act
stupidly, and selfishly. I’m not telling you that positive thinking can erase
all the bad in the world, because it can’t.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">What I am saying is that you can hold opposing thoughts in
your head about people and situations without your brain exploding. You can
alter your initial perception of events and the people involved, and you should
at least try. What will it hurt?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Instead of believing that bad things happen because people
are evil, or stupid, or ignorant, why not blame the situation? The person who
just cut you off in traffic <i>could</i> be
a sociopath, but what is more likely is that he or she is dealing with a
situation (about which you know zilch) that caused him to act that way, in that
moment. Have you never driven recklessly? Does the fact that you have, even
just once, make you stupid? </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">What if just 10% of the population tried this? What do you
think would happen? Maybe the course of events might not change, but could the
aftermath?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Start a trend. Change your Second Thought.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">
</span></div>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="color: purple; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">
“The greatest discovery of my generation is that human beings, by changing the
inner attitudes of their minds, can change the outer aspects of their lives.” ~William James</span></blockquote>
Mailey E. McLaughlin, M.Ed.http://www.blogger.com/profile/06433597895952071846noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-793148027282086402.post-60992795754554716512014-10-24T14:27:00.000-04:002018-08-01T11:12:45.784-04:00Want Happiness? Flex Your Gratitude Muscle<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<h3>
“When you change the way you look at things, the things you
look at change.” <br /> ~Max Planck</h3>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
When was the last time you said “thank you”?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Was it earlier today, when your spouse handed you a bagel as
you ran out the door? Was it said to your child because they got dressed on
time, or picked up a toy? Did you say it to the barista at your favorite coffee
shop, to a customer who shopped with you, or within
the confines of your car, sarcastically, of course, when another driver finally
hit the gas?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
If you had any interaction with other human beings today,
you probably said “thank you” at least once. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But I’ll bet you didn’t really mean it.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Okay, I take that back. Maybe you really did. Maybe you
weren’t just saying it as a friendly rejoinder, or making small talk. Maybe you
really were thankful for your customer, your spouse, your coffee.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
If so, you are probably a happier person than most. If you
actually write down those incidences where you felt grateful, you’d be even
happier.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgzGDjgj8CYnBL9n2qOdP9sVyDbvk0VHPJGxwVNbbAWow9kbrOljOK9no9aJ2_7MWRL1oC_DbS5Lghx5DgbvMuSjqvVGVAFwonWoWrrSnhGPnR1udB4u-07bQLZ3vBKJQKqTSM9R0Ag9Jl9/s1600/Picture+716.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgzGDjgj8CYnBL9n2qOdP9sVyDbvk0VHPJGxwVNbbAWow9kbrOljOK9no9aJ2_7MWRL1oC_DbS5Lghx5DgbvMuSjqvVGVAFwonWoWrrSnhGPnR1udB4u-07bQLZ3vBKJQKqTSM9R0Ag9Jl9/s1600/Picture+716.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I am grateful for this tree.<br /></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In one study on gratitude (Emmons and McCullough),
participants kept weekly journals, and were told to write down five things that
made them grateful the previous week. Other participants wrote five things they
considered hassles, and the last group wrote about things that had affected
them, but were not told to focus on the positive or the negative.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
After 10 weeks, the first group reported significantly more
happiness than the other two (25%), fewer health complaints, and more desire to
exercise.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
That’s a positive finding, but a later study by Emmons
revealed something even better: different participants were told to write down
daily (instead of weekly) what they were grateful for. This activity led to
greater increases in gratitude than the weekly journals had, but it got better.
These participants also reported offering others more assistance with a
personal problem, or emotional support, indicating that the gratitude exercise
increased their goodwill towards others.
A third study, conducted on patients with physical disabilities,
revealed the same conclusion, and its participants also reported that they
slept better, had more optimism in general, more life satisfaction, and more
connectivity to people in their lives.<br />
<br /></div>
<h3>
“If you’ve forgotten the language of gratitude, you’ll never be on speaking
terms with happiness.” ~Anonymous</h3>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
Gratitude helps lower depression, and keeps marriages from
crumbling, too. Those who practice it consistently and truthfully report higher
levels of life satisfaction.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And why not? To be grateful means to acknowledge that you
are rich—if not in monetary wealth, in personal happiness wealth. The idea that
we are the product of our thoughts and feelings, and that we can steer our own
outcomes with those thoughts, is no longer considered "New Age." If you have
been fortunate in any way, you increase your wealth by being grateful for what
you have. This, in turn, makes you happier.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Expressing real gratitude doesn’t just make your life
better, either. It enriches those around you. You know how it feels to be
warmly thanked, right? Spread that feeling around. Don’t be stingy with it. It
costs you virtually nothing in time or energy, but it gives back multi-fold.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
While I was putting myself through graduate school, I worked
a series of retail jobs as Cashier Supervisor or Customer Service Manager. I’d
always said that if you want to learn to hate people, work in retail—you’ll get
a great education in the worst aspects of the human race, and get paid for it.
But I was surprised that my own retail experiences did not, in fact, teach me
to hate people.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
When I started at a large humane society, I just knew that
the work there would seal the “people are horrible” deal. I waited for the
anger to come, to make me wary, even bitter (the sheltering/rescue field is one
of the “top” fields for <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Compassion_fatigue" target="_blank">compassion fatigue</a>). But it didn’t happen as I
expected.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Sure, people made me angry, but instead of holding on to
that, I tried to see things from their point of view. Much as I do when working
with dogs, I decided to assume <i>that resistance and poor behavior were due to a
lack of clarity</i>, not a personality flaw. A lack of clarity is a problem that
can be rectified! And once I embraced that idea, my anger dissipated. I
actually gained an empathy for people that I had never had before. Most were
not bad people at all. They were just struggling, trying to cope with limited
information, and unable to distance themselves emotionally from their pets.<br />
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Not only did I not hate them, I began to thank them for
giving me the opportunity to serve them. I started to see what they were
presenting as a gift, and when I expressed true gratitude for it, my mindset changed.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhp4jWR8Dxol-_lzHT1i_-6PE1GYJaeF2OkP-5L-tM6BZlA3ArmEAx67GP_3V0-jSkxzTe6XGAUBasdjGTzZdQDzQbIoGDORYBhpBmvxD5vDfX46RV3Zw2-45b_I76vWWLeP9CHdIkb3LnY/s1600/Be-More-Successful.gif" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="122" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhp4jWR8Dxol-_lzHT1i_-6PE1GYJaeF2OkP-5L-tM6BZlA3ArmEAx67GP_3V0-jSkxzTe6XGAUBasdjGTzZdQDzQbIoGDORYBhpBmvxD5vDfX46RV3Zw2-45b_I76vWWLeP9CHdIkb3LnY/s1600/Be-More-Successful.gif" width="400" /></a></div>
Do people still do dumb things when it comes to pets? You
bet. Can I reach all of them? No. Do I thank the ones I cannot reach? Not to
their faces. But I do thank them. I would not be who I am <i>right this minute</i> if it weren’t for them, and everyone in my life
who has helped me in some way.<br />
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Gratitude is like a muscle: if you don’t use it, it
atrophies. I’ll bet you can think of no fewer than 5 people right now who have
helped you, molded you, made you better, or improved your life—just today, or
for a while now. Why not reach out and thank them? Write them. Call them. Text
them, or thank them on Facebook if you must (the best way to express gratitude
is through the means with which<i> your recipient, not you,</i> is most comfortable),
but do it sincerely, and with feeling. Don’t allow them to brush it off; push
on with it until they’ve truly heard you, and they believe you.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Lather, rinse, repeat—daily, weekly, or monthly, make it a
habit to express gratitude.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
It just may change your life.</div>
Mailey E. McLaughlin, M.Ed.http://www.blogger.com/profile/06433597895952071846noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-793148027282086402.post-60435532582088286252014-06-20T22:47:00.001-04:002014-06-20T22:53:23.733-04:00Do You Mind? Part II<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>Mindfulness:</b> <i>paying attention in a particular way, on
purpose, in the present moment, without judgment. </i>This is the definition I like
the best (I'm pretty sure I got it from Sarah Wilson). The “without judgment” part can get a little hairy, as we humans are
masters at narrating our lives as we go, and focusing more on the negative than
the positive.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It’s a very satisfying concept at its core. And I’ve been
studying it for years in some form or another, through lots of reading, through
my successful 15-year dog (and people) training business, through my work at
the Atlanta Humane Society, and through my consistent need for alone time and
silence.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">In 1986, at the know-it-all age of 20, I went to a 2-day
Transcendental Meditation (TM) seminar with my girlfriend. I don’t recall whose
idea it was (probably hers). What did I know about TM? Not much; at the time I
don’t even think I knew it was a <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Beatles_in_India">fad popularized by the
Beatles</a>. I was sort of in a spiritual “woo” phase at the time, having
thrown off the shackles of a Catholic school educational upbringing but not
quite ready to dismiss the idea that “there might be something out there.” (The
more people I meet, the more I’m convinced that the best way to turn people agnostic/atheist
is to send children to Catholic school.)</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjmvfkiieyqKfo8o-E8f0o3r83Jk7zUw-vytbTlMAmmqxGYhpkEaUC5VTfJT794Tp6FhNYW5NtK-x58hy_W6rgrdtin5Xkh1QIDGhCHPK_rLfxQMLGrb1Y9mmXXiHah-H9UKo-ZHlZrFHxs/s1600/ehcan'tcomplain.gif" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjmvfkiieyqKfo8o-E8f0o3r83Jk7zUw-vytbTlMAmmqxGYhpkEaUC5VTfJT794Tp6FhNYW5NtK-x58hy_W6rgrdtin5Xkh1QIDGhCHPK_rLfxQMLGrb1Y9mmXXiHah-H9UKo-ZHlZrFHxs/s1600/ehcan'tcomplain.gif" height="320" width="286" /></span></a><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So, we went to this seminar, and they taught us how to do TM,
not as a group, but individually. I actually practiced it, albeit spottily, for
a few years before giving up on it. But I still remember my mantra to this day
(I can never tell you; it’s a secret for me only and it is not to be shared--I take that spiritual shit SERIOUSLY). I
never gave it enough of a shot to get good at it, so I can’t really say how
well it would have worked for me if I’d worked it. It has mostly fallen out of
favor, from what I can tell, probably because of a lack of science showing it
was the miracle many expected it to be.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So when I signed up for the MBSR course, I wasn’t a complete
stranger to meditation. I was happy to learn, however, that there really isn’t
a “woo” aspect to MBSR. I specifically wanted a secular experience, and that’s
exactly what I got. I also got reacquainted with yoga practice, if only the
basics, because 10-15 minutes of basic yoga moves is a really good way to prime
yourself for 45 minutes of sitting and meditating. It makes one a lot less
fidgety.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I hadn’t done a lot of research into MBSR before deciding to
take the course, partly on purpose. I made sure my teachers were qualified to
teach it, but that was about it. Of course, it’s like buying a car: after you
own the one you buy, you see the same make and model everywhere (<a href="http://www.damninteresting.com/the-baader-meinhof-phenomenon/">the
Baader-Meinhof phenomenon</a>). After I started taking the class, I started
seeing <a href="http://blogs.scientificamerican.com/guest-blog/2014/06/12/what-does-mindfulness-meditation-do-to-your-brain/?WT.mc_id=SA_facebook">news
reports of the efficacy of mindfulness all over the place</a>.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Luckily for me, the venue shifted the second week of class
to a more open space with properly-working heat. <a href="http://carpek9.blogspot.com/2014/06/do-you-mind.html" target="_blank">(See my problems with hot, small spaces in Part 1.)</a> By week 3, we were doing
mostly sitting meditations, which was pretty helpful in keeping me awake (but
not foolproof).</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">To be honest, I didn’t really feel stressed by life. I
didn’t take the course to reduce stress, specifically, but to learn more about
being mindful and living in the moment. It’s something we can all learn to
access, but we rarely do—probably because it’s not simple. We are so used to
living in a “want it now, get it now” world that many of us have forgotten what
it’s like to wait for things, to become proficient at a skill, to enjoy the
journey.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Our meditation practice started out with instructions. The
very first meditation we did was a “body scan,” where the instructor guides you
through focusing on every part of your body for what seems an almost agonizing
period of time. Our instructions were to make note of how each part was
feeling, nonjudgmentally, and then move on.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Doing it this way made it easier for us newbies to block out
the “chatter” that courses through our brains constantly. Every time we started
thinking of anything other than the body part the instructor was talking about,
we were to direct our thoughts back to the assignment. That generally occurred
about, oh, I’d say once a second. It was exhausting.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">But it was also liberating in a way. When you don’t really
try to control your thoughts consciously, it seems to you as if you cannot—it
is impossible. But it isn’t. And once you start doing it, you get better at it.
The brain is a muscle, after all.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhVYJps1sFLOIL6B9HQSCsey32-yf8OGs5VH2q4nQ3UFUEAFbsvff5rukAv7AIUqUDMslzym5RKoMIxcnpU7oORU3DB0sEBa1BNMl2my4RToYsLw64feY0kO5TYCC6a3E3PwiLXWkF083Vt/s1600/IMG_2347.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhVYJps1sFLOIL6B9HQSCsey32-yf8OGs5VH2q4nQ3UFUEAFbsvff5rukAv7AIUqUDMslzym5RKoMIxcnpU7oORU3DB0sEBa1BNMl2my4RToYsLw64feY0kO5TYCC6a3E3PwiLXWkF083Vt/s1600/IMG_2347.JPG" height="320" width="240" /></span></a><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Dog trainers have long known that mental stimulation for
dogs is a powerful tool for keeping them out of trouble and out of shelters. It
tires dogs out in positive ways, and makes them think. Unlike physical
exercise, it has no fitness plateau, either, so it can be used daily (as long
as it remains interesting and requires the dog to work at a solution). </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Practicing mindfulness is mental stimulation for humans. But
it doesn’t tire you out when you do it correctly—it sharpens you, awakens you,
pokes you in the solar plexus and changes your brain. It also enables you to
confront things about yourself that may have been buried a bit beneath the
surface.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="text-align: right;">
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And that is where the journey starts to get interesting.</span></div>
</div>
</div>
Mailey E. McLaughlin, M.Ed.http://www.blogger.com/profile/06433597895952071846noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-793148027282086402.post-27704536441604152492014-06-11T21:09:00.000-04:002014-06-11T21:09:15.139-04:00Do You Mind?<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I recently attended an 8-week course on Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction, or <a href="http://www.mindfullivingprograms.com/whatMBSR.php" target="_blank">MBSR</a>, which I have noticed since the course began is
becoming pretty popular around the country.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Several compelling studies are arriving that show that
focused meditation improves our minds in a myriad of ways. (Don’tcha love that
word, “myriad”?) Once thought to be the sole bastion of “woo-woo” New-Age
practitioners, meditation is now “hip,” and even <a href="http://www.forbes.com/sites/drewhansen/2012/10/31/a-guide-to-mindfulness-at-work/" target="_blank">buttoned-up workplaces are adopting it as a way to reduce stress and improve functionality and creativity</a>. <a href="http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2014/05/12/exercising-the-mind-to-treat-attention-deficits/?_php=true&_type=blogs&_php=true&_type=blogs&ref=todayspaper&_r=1" target="_blank">Doctors are prescribing it to treat ADD and ADHD in children and adults.</a> <a href="http://online.wsj.com/news/articles/SB10001424127887324345804578424863782143682" target="_blank">They are also prescribing it for chronic pain, high blood pressure, IBS, and other ailments.</a> What about therapists? More and more, therapists and
psychiatrists are <a href="http://psychcentral.com/lib/how-mindfulness-can-mitigate-the-cognitive-symptoms-of-depression/00016240" target="_blank">recommending mindfulness as a treatment for depression.</a></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Mindfulness Meditation, as it is also called, could
apparently be the Thing That Saves Humanity From All Evil. (Then again,
probably not. But does it hurt to try?)</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Meditation itself comes in several forms. It can be
religious, spiritual, or entirely secular. It can range from simply sitting
with oneself in silence, or even contemplative silence, for a few minutes a day
to 3-day retreats full of little but eating, sleeping and purposeful meditating.
It often conjures up a vision of patchouli-soaked rooms full of hipsters
chanting and bending their bodies into various painful poses, but that
shouldn’t define it. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">MBSR isn’t just any meditation. The key is mindfulness, and
if you think it’s a simple thing to turn off your brain for 10, 20, or 45
minutes at a stretch and focus solely on your breath, you will find out soon
enough that It. Is. Not . That. Simple.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And that, my friends, is what makes it awesome.</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjDt4XE38tuhFeIqgDf84ynUc5e_s6KZ0bopC3XzDoFHHRvCSnEdEnOad2aAlgtcLIQCDfZvlTKyuEkYofsmxiYXtmbdhfAY4Tdjw2sVYpQ_VIM8WUynpHhqHmZzFgVO93KoozIEg7PVOaw/s1600/k-9affirmation.bmp" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjDt4XE38tuhFeIqgDf84ynUc5e_s6KZ0bopC3XzDoFHHRvCSnEdEnOad2aAlgtcLIQCDfZvlTKyuEkYofsmxiYXtmbdhfAY4Tdjw2sVYpQ_VIM8WUynpHhqHmZzFgVO93KoozIEg7PVOaw/s1600/k-9affirmation.bmp" height="320" width="240" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Yes, one of the greatest things about Mindfulness Meditation
is that the idea—turning off distractions and focusing on one thing—is simple,
but the practice is deliciously difficult.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The first night of class, I fell asleep. And snored. And I
wasn’t the only one.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">C’mon, give me a break. It was evening, it was winter, and
it was very, very cold outside, so the heat was up higher than I’m used to in a
room that was slightly too small for the number of students present. Also, the
meditation part came at the end of a 2-hour lecture, and we were instructed to
lie on the floor.<br />
<br />
You’d have sawed some logs, too. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">(Thinking back on it, I am reminded of the scene in the
movie <i>G.I. Jane</i>—an oddly entertaining/eye-rollingly bad flick mostly due to
the acting chops of Anne Bancroft and Viggo Mortensen—wherein our Navy
S.E.A.L. trainees have been awake for almost 24 hours and are given a “break”
from their nonstop physical travails in the form of a sit-down in a classroom.
They are dog-tired, starving, chafing in wet, sandy clothes, and nearly beaten
down, and Mortensen tells them to “write an essay, no less than 500 words, on
‘Why I Love the U.S. Navy.’” The heat is turned up, the lights are dimmed, classical
music begins playing, and it’s pouring rain outside--and they are ordered not to
fall asleep.)</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The MBSR presenters are savvy, though, and they knew this
would happen, and warned us about it playfully. It takes time to train your
brain to do this, they said. You will fail at it constantly, but you will get
better over time. And I did. And I still am.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Oh, it’s a journey. I get slack. I don’t make time for it
like I should (45 minutes a day, 6 days a week, is the prescription). The trick
is not to start judging yourself for skipping it, though. That’s difficult,
seeing as we humans spend a great deal of time <a href="http://www.psychalive.org/critical-inner-voice/">judging ourselves
harshly</a>.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Stay tuned. I need to go meditate now.</span></div>
Mailey E. McLaughlin, M.Ed.http://www.blogger.com/profile/06433597895952071846noreply@blogger.com1